Hello lovelies. Charlotte here. Sometimes I really want to write a particular post and for whatever reason it just doesn’t work out. The words just get “stuck”. If this is the case rather than simply not include what I think is an important W-day topic I’ll just find someone that can do a much better job than me. In this case it’s Anna K who never ceases to amaze with her wisdom and honesty.

Enjoy.

Most of us have been here. Just got engaged. Beside ourselves with excitement/abject fear/(insert relevant highly-strung emotion here). When you get engaged, the world as you know changes. Rationale is hijacked. And amidst all this? You need to choose your bridesmaids.

How did you pick yours? It’s usually a strategic decision, isn’t it…coupled with a hefty dose of family politics. The accolade goes to close family and/or your best girls. It’s easier that way. It’s risking too much to do otherwise. It’s easier to give in to those who “should”, rather than just those you want.

You know what? You are worth more than that. Go with your gut. Choose the girls who make you feel like your day would be lacking if they weren’t there, by your side, cheering you on, telling you yes, you can do this.

Your bridesmaids have a dual role. Of course, there’s the practical stuff. You need them there for the frock, for the hen, for the planning. From tirelessly hiking round dress shops, to giving you a fireman’s lift around wedding fairs, to deftly manhandling a glue gun. You need your best girls to tell you straight when having an owl deliver your wedding rings into the ceremony room is too much (er…I totally didn’t do this. Ahem). You need them to help you into your dress, tell you you are beautiful, and remind you to breathe.

But there’s a whole other side to what a good bridesmaid should do…and that’s the part people don’t talk about. And to me? It’s the most important part of all.

This is your day. You deserve to be surrounded by the people who will make you feel the best of yourself that you can be. Choose bridesmaids who you trust to support you through the long haul, in the run-up, and on the wedding day itself. Choose people who will remain positive, who will support you unconditionally, who will cry with you, laugh with you, and squeal like a banshee when they see how sensational you look. And mean it.

Choose people who you trust to be your counsel. These girls will be your wingmen, they will have your back, they will help make this day the best you’ve ever had. Choose wisely.

Who do you want next to you on the biggest morning of your life? Who do you want to see you at your most vulnerable, in moments of absolute terror (me), in moments of crying bridal eye makeup all down your face (me), in moments of flinging a tube of mascara at the wedding co-ordinator? (that last one was a friend. Honest.)

Choose your bridesmaids because they will do this and more. They all have different talents. They are different people. Play on that. You know best what they are capable of, and what they can achieve. One who’s turbo organised? One who can spot the right pair of shoes from sixty paces? One who would walk through fire for you?

Remember: your family don’t get an automatic pass to being bridesmaids. You should not feel guilty about not choosing a sister, cousin or friend who you love dearly but doesn’t fit the bill. There are hundreds of ways to include those people in your wedding. It’s not “bridesmaid or nothing”. Remember this – you deserve the very best. You deserve to do it your way. Forget the “shoulds”. Ask the “wants”.

But of course…there’s a limit to all this. They’re your bridesmaids, not your small Nepalese slaves. They are people, with lives and feelings and circumstances that go beyond your dress, your hair accessories and your order of service. Keep that in perspective. Yes, it’s an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid. But in return, it’s a kindness on their part, too. They’re giving up a lot of time and effort to be the best bridesmaids they can be…from dress shopping and hen organising, to late-night phone calls, to being your rock, your safety net, your guide. Respect that.

And of course…there’s the thorny issue of When Bridesmaids Go Bad (sadly, not a scary horror movie from the 80s, but Real Life). You can choose your best girls with the best will and intention in the world, and sometimes they can let you down so horribly that it makes you question everything you ever knew about them and everything you ever believed in about your relationship. It can be absolutely heart-wrenching. But you will get through. You cannot plan for everything, and if this happens, then you need to fall on your other girls (and your other half) to pull you through. That’s what they’re there for. That’s what they will do.

I was lucky. I picked two girls who, for the most part, were remarkable and made my wedding a better place to be. But…there was the odd blip. “Does my hair look nice?” I innocently asked as I emerged from the hairdressers on W-day. “Jesus Anna, stop being so vain. It’s not all about you!” my loving bridesmaid responded…

(Er, actually, yes. Yes it is. Today, it really, really is).

You know what? I was proud to walk down the aisle with those girls, bluntness and all. So should you be.

Love

Anna K.