(Takes a deep breath before even beginning this introduction…..)
Sometimes lovelies your wedding day will not go exactly as you anticipated. That’s not to say you will regret at any point saying “I Do”, just that for some there will be certain aspects that you don’t look back on with complete affection.
Rock My Wedding reader Ariel doesn’t look back on her W-day photo’s with complete affection, and I know if you’re anything like me, reading that is pretty heart-breaking.
However this is not a sad story, this is a brave, honest and beautifully written account of finding peace with the past and heading towards a bright and optimistic future with the one you love.
All of the gorgeous images are courtesy of Love Lust List member Dasha from Exhibit Emotions.
Reflecting The Compromise
Ariel: Over the past year I tried, numerous times, to look back at our wedding with a wistful sigh. These attempts usually left me in tears. Not the good kind. Most of what I remember from our wedding is jet lag and stress. As our first wedding anniversary approached, Pete and I began to get a bit testy about how we should celebrate. Our friends started making and broadcasting their plans for first anniversary celebrations and we extended congratulations and looked in dread at the calendar as our anniversary crept closer and closer. Not because we were dreading the occasion, but because we knew we would feel pressure to go back and reminisce over our wedding photos and video and eat that top layer of cake, etc.
We haven’t looked at our wedding photos and video for about 10 months. Our wedding was beautiful, but it wasn’t really wonderful. In the photos we are fully smiling, eye crinkle and all, but if you look a little closer, they are a reflection of all the compromises we made and the pressure we gave into which resulted in a wedding that I barely remember and photos of people we don’t recognise.
Finally Getting There
We decided that on our first anniversary we were going to do exactly what we wanted and not what we thought we should do or what everyone expected us to do. We also decided to celebrate our marriage instead of our wedding. The wedding reflected where we came from and our journey together to that point. And it was a long one involving four continents, countless international flights, 18 months apart, at least three visas, two job changes and flats, and an advanced degree. The wedding had a lot of references to our individual and family histories but not so much to our joint present.
Where we are now, geographically and figuratively, is SO much better. To celebrate how far we had come, together, since the wedding, we marked our anniversary with a photo shoot in our favourite place, and our current home, Greenwich.
And, if I’m totally honest, I really wanted some pretty pictures of us, that could stand in for wedding photos.
A Special Surprise
Again, if I’m being honest. The photo shoot was my idea and a surprise for my husband. We did celebrate our anniversary in a way that was uniquely us, but this was something a little extra. We picked out our favourite bits of our wedding costumes (minus my fabulous fascinator which is still back in the US and Pete’s pocket watch which is still in NZ) and a blanket from our time in Africa (where we met) and headed out to meet our photographer in downtown Greenwich.
It was one of the hottest days of the summer thus far and Greenwich was teeming with people. We headed down to the river first to avoid the crowds and catch low tide. Walking along the Thames is a recently new activity for us and increasingly one of our favourites. We went about as far as we could before the tide cut us off from returning. From there we wandered through the place we continually wish we had gotten married. We wandered and enjoyed the place we have been building our little family and reminding ourselves why we joined together in the first place.
Better Together
For me, the shoot was still like the wedding shoot in some ways; I was constantly concerned that my fringe had gone stringy and greasy, that my make-up (which I did myself *risky*) was sliding off my face, that my dress kept shifting (note, fabric tape doesn’t hold when your bra is sweat-soaked) and I wasn’t sure what my face was actually doing when I was attempting to make it serene and blissful. But this day, unlike the entire wedding experience, really brought home some lessons of the year for me.
We are better individuals, together. We make each other the best versions of ourselves and that is what we should aim for daily. If you are uncomfortable on the inside, it will show on the outside, no matter how well cut the trousers. It is not possible to do everything we want right now, but it is a long life, there is time and instant gratification is frequently teamed with buyer’s remorse. We can prepare and plan but that will only take us so far and the best moments are unplanned, unscripted and unforgettable.
In the latter half of our first married year we have begun to have the confidence to focus more on our family expectations, putting our extended families desires on a shelf for a bit. These photos and this anniversary weekend were about setting the tone for the years to come and celebrating this shift in our focus. The people in these photos may not look so different to those in the wedding photos, but to us, they look a lot happier and even more in love, if that’s possible.
Doing It The Right Way
It took a few days to fall upon Dasha’s website Exhibit Emotions. As soon as I read her story about how she met her husband, I knew she would understand our international wedding plight. Plus her photos were beautiful and she had done an Art Deco-inspired shoot I could stare at for hours. When I contacted her and presented my idea, she immediately responded that she would love to do an “I do, re-do” shoot. I loved that. It was exactly what we were thinking, without the actual “I do” renewal (or the big white dress). She went out of her way to meet with me a few days before the shoot and spent, like, five hours in the blazing sun with us, waiting for the light to get ‘just right.’ Obviously, she nailed it! She made us feel very comfortable, although we don’t have too much trouble hamming it up. And to top it off, she saved the day. When I realized I was too late to buy a bouquet and a bit upset, she spotted a gorgeous lavender bush and, after taking some great shots with it in the foreground, picked a bunch of it for me. Perfect.
When we got the photos from her (an unbelievable week later) she had managed to make it look like we had Greenwich all to ourselves. There were hundreds of people roaming the streets and green spaces but in these photos it is just us two celebrating each other and our marriage. In that way, I guess it was an “I do” renewal, or maybe just a reminder.
Contagious Enthusiasm
Dasha From Exhibit Emotions: When Ariel got in touch with me about her idea of wedding anniversary shoot, I jumped at the chance! First, she found me through Rock My Wedding, so I knew in advance they would be a great couple. Second, she was so enthusiastic about it, it was contagious! Ariel also wrote the story about how she and Pete met, and it was in many ways similar to how I met my husband. I instantly felt the connection and took on the shoot, despite the busy season. Doing this shoot for Ariel and Pete made me want to have one with my hubby, maybe for our 5th anniversary.
Photography – Dasha at Exhibit Emotions
I just wanted to say a personal thanks to Ariel, my circumstances are not similar with regards to my own wedding day memories but I have always shied away from any kind of anniversary shoot, although a lovely idea, I just didn’t think it was important enough.
And now I want to capture every moment. A year on, two years on, when we are eighty-five and probably have no teeth…..
So. That’s what I am going to do.
Ariel, you are an inspiration.
Big Doing It The Right Way Love
Charlotte xxx
I lived in Greenwich for 3 years and now live just down the road in the next borough but I totally didn’t recognise it at first from these photos because it looks so peacefully abandoned! These pics are utterly gorgeous and I hope Ariel (btw awesome name!) will be able to look sighingly at them for many years to come.
Great post Charlotte!
These are such beautiful pictures and totally capture “the love”. I love that Ariel has been so honest about her disappointment and it makes me realise although I hope our wedding is perfect and every photo captures how we feel (presumably blissfully happy!), but if it doesn’t, we’ll try again on the next significant date!
Ah, such a touching post. And I love the photos! Gorgeous.
Gorgeous!! Well done x
What lovely photo’s and such an honest write up, I’m glad Ariel and Pete have some pictures they can now cherish x
Hello there folks….
The lavender is amazing isn’t it? And Ariel’s dress. I LOVE the dress. I think I need to book a trip to Greenwich.
Charlotte xxx
Hello all,
Thank you for your lovely thoughts.
It’s about loving the present, I think and learning to ‘rock’ what you are instead of what you think you want/should want.
That being said, having pretty pictures is really great as well.
Wow. These are just beautiful! Do we know where the dress was from?! Sx
Just beautiful – pics, words, emotions. I love the fact that you’re honest enough to say ‘my wedding day wasn’t perfect’, that you’re not moping about it but instead getting up and doing something about the disappointment you felt. We live in a world where the industry tells us to expect perfection but the reality is rarely perfect. Its about making a life together – your wedding day is just a symbol of your desire to be together and to unite the team …. the marriage is about making your team work and boy are you rocking it together! Congratulations x
I love this post! The pics are absolutely stunning and Ariel, the pair of you look gorgeous and vey much in love. I agree that it’s the marriage that really matters – after all, it’s for life and the wedding is just one day. By the looks of things you’ve got married life nailed! Many congratulations. x
Getting hung up on ‘perfection’ can often only lead to heartache – you can lose sight of what’s important if that ‘perfection’ is about things and details rather than the bigger picture.
Love each other, love where you are in life right now, don’t sweat the small stuff and try and face everything with a smile – wonky or not
Aww what lovely photos and they look so in love!
So glad you had the pics you want, even if it is post-wedding.
xx
These photos are beautiful. Love the dress and how peaceful it looks! I’m actually going to Greenwich next week to meet a wedding photographer, can’t wait to have a wander round, especially the market!
I love the fact that you can actually ‘feel’ the shift in emotion in the middle of Ariel’s account, when she moves from describing the disappointment of her W-day, to her joy and delight at simply celebrating her love for her husband.
Gorgeous pictures, that should remind all of us to love what we have each and every day….
xx
Ariel if you’re reading this; firstly, the photographs are amazing with a capital amaze. Secondly, where abouts in Greenwich is that lavender? And the painted doors? They are extraordinary. I live in between Greenwich and Blackheath and I need to see those places. Soon! Thank you. Beckie K x
Hi Beckie! Thank you for your lovely comment on my photos
The lavender is at the car park at the back entrance towards Naval college (not the entrance from the market side, but the opposite end). We found the painted doors purely by chance, simply by wandering around, I didn’t even look at the name of the street. Hope that helps somewhat. Dasha x
Wow, amazing post – I love Ariel’s honesty. Not feeling your wedding day was the best day of your life is one of those things that people often feel they can’t ‘admit’ to (along with not having a blissful time at university and not loving every moment of being a mum)…I bet this post makes hundreds of people happy that they’re not the only person who feels that way, so thank you for sharing. You two look so happy together, it’s lovely. And Dasha – LOVE the photographs!
You must be so pleased with these gorgeous photos – I used to live in Greenwich – its looks gorgeous in these photos as do you both!
Rachie xo
What a lovely way to celebrate your unique love, and such a beautiful set of memories to treasure! I’m glad you got your perfect ‘wedding’ day in the end
Wow!! You all are so sweet. I hope you’re right and it does help some beautiful ladies that didn’t feel so lovely on thier wedding day. It really is okay if you didn’t love your wedding. What comes after is SOOO much better.
Gorgeous shoot and such a great anniversary idea, regardless of if you liked your wedding photos or not
xxx
the penultimate photo is absolutely amazing, that’s the one i’ve had blown up to giant size and have on my wall to see every.single.ruddy.day!!
Ariel, I love your honesty (and your name, how cool?!), sometimes everything isn’t exactly how you want it for many different reasons but you’ve nailed the remedy!!
mrs r.now x x x
This post really speaks to me! I keep re-reading it. Thank you so much Ariel for being so honest and for having an incredible attitude.
Because of family and culture differences, my wedding is not really going to represent my fiance and me, and if I could have it my way it would be a fundamentally different affair.
So I’ve been fretting and dwelling on the fact that I won’t be happy with my wedding day. I won’t enjoy it and it will most likely be disappointing.
Thank you for showing me through your personal example that it’s not really about the wedding day at all. It’s the marriage that’s important.
And what an incredibly thoughtful way of celebrating a marriage. I am so glad you now have the photos you’ve dreamed of.
Brilliant post Ariel. Honest and heartfelt.
Funnily enough I’ll be having an anniversary shoot in a couple of months-in Greenwich, as that’s where my husband and I met at Uni 9 years ago! We’re going to have a shoot for every wedding anniversary and I’m also treating my parents to one for their 30th anniversary because they continually say ‘if only pre wedding shoots were invented in those days!’
Christina- I feel for you. Our wedding was an international/culture-mix nightmare. That might be a bit dramatic, but I was incredibly stressed the entire time. And it lasted four weeks and included a lot of long-haul flights. It took a long time to get over it.
I made a lot of compromises on my wedding day for family because I felt guilty that we live so far away. Now it’s over, we think of ourselves first and it makes all the difference.
I gave the family the wedding, I get the rest of my marriage.
In terms of the actual day. Find something about the wedding day that you really love/like and cling to that. It will get you through. For me it was my fascinator and the food. Find something that makes you happy and keep focusing on that throughout the day. It helps.
p.s. we also redid our honeymoon four months ago as we compromised on that as well.
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