Charlotte: As in…how do you keep your relationship new and exciting when you have been together years and years and have to deal with mundane activities such as putting the bins out?. And I don’t necessarily mean in a sexy in-the-bedroom way. I mean just in general – how do you find the time to remember why you fancy the panties off of each other and make each other laugh until you cry?
Last week my little sister kindly reminded me that Mr O’Shea have been together rather a long time: “Eight and a half years?! that is bloody ages! how do you find anything to talk about?!”
I’m not sure I answered her succinctly to be honest. And it did get my little brain doing the old tick tock I-need-to-make-more-of-an-effort O’Clock.
One of the first things I did was contract some cleaners because keeping on top of the housework is one of chores we both find difficult what with us working such long hours, and subsequently one of the tasks we argue about the most. We have an ace husband and wife team, Dawn and Gary, who just come for an hour or so a week and although admittedly it’s a bit of a luxury, we would easily fritter away what it costs for a continually shiny and germ free kitchen and bathroom on a bottle of wine and a few glossy magazines. I know which one I’d rather invest in.
It’s no big secret that the boy and I don’t have a hell of a lot in common. He loves sports, watching television and is a real foodie. I prefer a good book, am not in the least bit interested in sport (although I do love a bit of ice-skating, does that count?) and unless it’s got the words “ice-cream” or “cake” on the jar I could take it or leave it.
Then I remembered that whilst on Mini-moon and embarking on a particularly deep and meaningful conversation about life, love and everything we discussed the “If you could do anything in the whole wide world what would it be?” question. James’s response astounded me to the point of silence. I expected “Professional Golfer” of “Formula One Racing Driver” or “Master Chef” or a similar expert/skilled career focused pursuit.
Nope. Instead he announced “I would like to be able to play the piano – really well”
Oh. News to me. I didn’t think he was even that into music full stop.
Um…then I promptly forgot all about the whole thing.
Until recently that is. I actually learnt piano for about a year when I was 16 and picked it up pretty quickly, can’t remember why I didn’t continue, possibly became more interested in boys and clubbing at that point.
Once I had the light bulb moment and remembered James’s dream I figured it was something we could do together and I decided to buy us an actual piano….and get lessons. And for anyone that may just happen to be considering the same thing, you can essentially pick up second hand pianos almost for free – there are folks out there who due to a house move etc are practically giving them away for the cost of delivery.
Bargain.
Of course I am well aware that a relationship doesn’t simply require a wealth of material possessions to be successful. We also make a conscious effort to spend time together in the evenings and have at least one night at the weekend where it’s just us. We have recently become completely absorbed in the Mad Men series (and there was me saying I don’t watch much TV!) and spend many an hour discussing it afterwards – the same with movies, we make the effort to record films on Sky Planner and actually watch them these days.
For me intimacy has never been just about the different ways or the frequency of getting naked (although that’s important obviously) but just actually being together and enjoying each others company doing not very much at all.
So go on then lovelies, tell us what it is you gorgeous lot do to create a metaphorical mist of Fabreze when needed?
Jenny: My husband approached me the other day with an article from Men’s Health Magazine. He winked as he handed it over, I knew I should have been alarmed by the way he raised his eyebrows at me in a suggestive manner!
Said article is about 100 days of sex. A married couple undertake the challenge with interesting results.
This is one way of keeping it fresh I suppose. I mean, in our marriage I have spent more time pregnant, than not. We have spent more time moving house, renovating, moving country and having babies than we have just being a bog standard married couple who have the time and the inclination to focus on how to keep it fresh! But then I suppose that’s what works for us. We both keep ourselves so busy that any time we do get to spend together, is perfect.
Now that I resemble a medium sized heffa, and lack of baby sitter for our Willbo, means swanky dinners out or late nights involving culture, music, and alcohol, are a thing of the past. These days, we relish getting hold of a good DVD boxset and spend our spare time getting completely absorbed in what we’re watching (I generally do this whilst eating my body weight in lychees, they taste so good out here!) Anyone seen Breaking Bad? Absolutely genius idea for a tv show. I realise to most this may sound a bit lame. But that’s where life takes you when you’re married with children, and I couldn’t be happier!
When new Baby O arrives, and we are a family of four, and I never, EVER have to go through a pregnancy again, we are just going to focus on being a family, and focus on being a married couple again. But not just that, for the sake of keeping our marriage fresh I need to focus on just being me again. That’s what happens when you become a Mother, you have to be the wife, the mother, the homemaker, and still be true to who you are. I don’t want Mr O just to see me as Mummy, it’s crucial that he still see’s me as the Jenny he fell for 6 years ago. She’s still there, and she will be back with a vengence!
Naomi: It’s so easy to get bogged down in day to day chats about household tasks, asking “how was work?”, talking about things that need done… and all of a sudden, you go an entire day without actually having a real conversation. So to keeps things fresh and thriving, we make actual time for each other.
The idea of date nights pops up everywhere these days. And we’ve had a few. But I have to say that I prefer date days much better. Sometimes Gavin and I will just clear a Saturday and go exploring. Even if it’s just the farmers market, the beach, a park or the zoo. We make a point of getting out of our routine and going somewhere new. It’s usually then filled with kisses, cuddles, coffees and funny conversations. It makes time to talk about anything and everything.
As far as date nights go, my favourites are either going out at night just for dessert (a great one if funds are low and you can’t do the whole dinner) or at-home-date-nights. We’re both massive foodies, so we like to spend time choosing what we want to eat. We’ll then head home with a few bottles of red and spend the entire evening in the kitchen and dining room in candle light, cooking and eating. It’s usually three courses and peppered with brilliant conversations and reminiscing. There’s something very sexy and intimate about it.
But one of the best pieces of advice I’ve been given was to organise a night out, spend you’re evening getting ready separately and meet up at the bar. We’ve done this quite a few times and it never fails to get the butterflies going in my tummy. Even just the ritual of pampering and getting all sexed up for him, knowing that you’ll next see him in a room full of people looking all hot and preened is so exciting. Whether you’re there before him, perched on a barstool with a French 75 in hand… or whether you get to make an entrance, this is a surefire way to get back to being flirty/filthy with one another.
Vix: I am not a very ‘sexy’ person so being honest I don’t make too much effort in that area, I know that sounds bad but I know that Malc thinks I am sexy just the way I am, we fancy the ‘girl next door’ & ‘Calvin Klein boxers’ off one another so we don’t necessarily need anything to sauce it up. In some ways I wish I was in to all that sexy lingerie stuff, but it’s just not me at all.
The way we do make an effort with each other, and this is going to sound so so so cheesy…. ready?! Ahem, we try and make each other laugh. Every morning and every night, no matter what mood we are in there is always something to make us laugh together and I LOVE that, I love to laugh and giggle until I can barely breathe!! Even if we have had the most rubbish day I always always look forward to getting home and actually wait with my face in the front door window when I hear Malc’s car pull in, I pull different faces then open the door to my gorgeous boy.
(I’m sorry – that’s so cringey reading it back but it’s true!)
Laughter is the best ever and is a major part of our relationship…..*Big cheesy grin*
Big Fresher Than Just Cut Grass Love
Charlotte, Jenny, Naomi and Vix xxx
Morning lovelies!
I’m now late for work but I had something to share
The lover and I, we go dancing. We both love a ceilidh but living in old engaland there ain’t that many so we started jive lessons in April. It’s once a week we get to go learn a new move or two, we practise at home and it puts a great big cheesy grin on both our faces. last night we went to our first live band night and it was even more fun despite us only knowing 12 moves!
At the moment we find an hour a day to watch the tour de France highlights and then talk about Mark cavendish which we both have big cycle crushes on! – not that we have ever discussed that fact!
Look forward to reading the other freshness later!
Have a happy Monday!
Hmm… part of me read this post with dread because we’ve slipped into such a routine already and we’re not even two years in!
If we’re not careful it goes – weeknights we get home, cook, sit. Weekends – Lee goes to golf, I do wedding planning. Sometimes you just forget to make couple time, but we both make a conscious effort to do stuff together, even if it’s just to stop playing on facebook and watch a film together, go to the park for a walk, go out for dinner, turn off the TV and listen to music together…
@Vix you’re so right, it’s just about laughing! We often do the same old rubbish but we just check ourselves and do it together – making it fun. So instead of getting in eachother’s way in the kitchen and grumbling in our own little ‘work stress’ place, we’ll do dinner together and make it fun.
It’s the little things I guess!
@Charlotte – I REALLY want a cleaner!! Lee will never agree to it as we actually live in the smallest house EVER, but I really really really really want one. Was it your idea? and if so, did you use mind tricks to make Mr O’S think it was his idea? I’m currently working on a strategic plan as we speak. Project Cleaner is GO
xxx
Mr J is big into things that I am not, or at least wasn’t.
I read, he doesnt, he loves cycling, i dont (or didnt), he loves Big Brother, I thiknk they are idiots and cant watch it.
We have holidays, random pub nights out where i meet him at the pub after work, we go for mammoth cycle rides now too, i spent £450 on a bloody bike so i have to get some use out of it!!
And we laugh……he sings silly songs that make me giggle, about nothing and everything. I’m really clumsy so he laughs at me when i stub my toe, or fall off my bike etc. he cant help but laugh which suppreses my tears and i laugh too.
And I make up stupid jokes, yesterday whilst eating the EPIC roast dinner that I had cooked, some peas fell off my plate:
Mr J: You’ve lost your peas……
Me: Yeah I know, they’ve Pea’d off…..
Which i found HILARIOUS. The he started laughing, until we were both crying. And it wasnt even THAT funny!!
And then i kept giggling all night very proud of my stupid joke, which he was then laughing at me laughing at myself.
I’m going on a bit now………..someone else’s turn………………
oh and @Charlotte Mr J gave me authority to appoint a cleaner this week
) YIPPPEEEEEEEEEE!!
@ Charlotte..my mum has a piano, has had it since I was born, my sister and her play amazingly well and we used to spend hours growing up sat around it. I was made to go to piano lessons too but hated it, couldn’t get my head around it and packed it in, shame really. But that’s such a fab idea to get one for Mr’ O’Shea, may you have many a sing song with it!
So, we have only been together a bit over 3 years, and known each other for 5. At the minute, it still doesn’t feel like it takes any effort to keep things fresh, but I am sure that it will come over time, I am not THAT naive (ok maybe a little bit).
We do both have really busy jobs and stressfull and time consuming families sometimes. We have always planned one night a week where we turn everything off…phones, T.V, and bugger off out for a yummy meal and drinks. We LOVE good food and wines. And getting dolled up and heading off out to a romantic candlelit place is heaven. Followed where possible on a lovely lay in bed on a Sunday morning, with papers breakfast and nothing to worry about.
We also….this is gonna sound DULL, love to run/exercise together. Now I have got the exercise bug back, I am hitting the gym/trans-pennine trails with a vengeance. It is lovely to go together, it’s something you don’t always want to do so it’s nice to have each other to spur you on. And a bit of friendly competition does wonders to make you work harder (though I have more than once threatened to press the emergency stop button on his treadmill if he tries to race me!)
I could go on forever, but just being together, us two is the best feeling. Having little breaks away and full weeks away is also a really big help. We are lucky that we do get excellent holiday allowances in our jobs which makes the hard work seem easier.
House work wise, I have a day off in the week usually where I blitz everything, I love a good clean (OCD tendancies). Mr M is excellent and cooking, and then cleaning and washing up. And he does the ironing ninety per cent of the time. We are also lucky that my mum pops round occasionally during the week and if it’s looking shabby will spruce it up for us. It seems to work well that way.
I look forward to all the time in the future we have together, I watched something the other day where the wife said “I don’t worry about growing old, because I know I am growing old with you by my side, and that is all I have ever dreamed of”. Made me do a bit of a headtilt smushy face at Mr M.
Looking forward to reading about everyones ideas! xx
@One Jolly Girl – I would love Mr O’Shea to go dancing….but he’s really not a fan at all, jealous – it must be so much fun!
@Karen – it was my idea, at first he wasn’t keen – the whole having “strangers in the house” etc which I can appreciate but now he’s fine with it. Plus weirdly it means that I tidy up the night before they arrive (!) so he’s also happy about that!
@Helen – Yay! I too make Mr O’Shea laugh a lot, I’m not sure if this is with me or at me ……
I like it when James does impressions – especially when he does his posh voice, it has me in stitches (in real life he is the least posh person I know!)
Charlotte xxx
I have been with hubby for nearly ten years now, married for nearly one. However, we have still never lived together full time. With him being in the military we have always had a weekend and holiday relationship. Sounds barmy to most people I know but we are both very independant people and as we are both at work during the week anyway it’s never seemed crucial that I move away from my friends and family to live on the base with him. As a result, our time spent together is very precious. When he gets home on a Friday night it is the lovliest thing in the world to eat together, open a bottle of wine and catch up. We make an effort to not spend all our weekend doing boring mundane chores, always making sure we fit in something fun. We’ve just bought a motorbike which means every weekend when it is not raining (few and far between at the moment but we sueeze in a ride between showers!) we get out on the bike, even if it is just for an hour.
It’s all going to change in the new year though. His next posting is overseas and me and the cats will be going with him. In ten years it will be the first time we have actually lived full time in the same house…..and I can’t wait
He’s been informed that he will be taking a more active part in the housework (luckily officer training drills into them all about washing, ironing, polishing and hoovering) and I will be teaching him to cook. We are going to learn the local lingo together and have also talked about getting a piano as we have both wanted to learn. Oh and motorbiking round Europe HAS to be done while we have the opportunity!
So exciting times ahead. Come back to me in a year though and we’ll see how fresh our relationship is
xx
(Sorry, rambled on a bit there!)
@Ladyfushia Where abouts are you going overseas? sounds very exciting! also loving the bike idea, hmm….could be an excuse for a new leather jacket….
Charlotte xxx
@LadyFushia – Motorbike?! I am SO jealous! Gavin and I intend to get our CBT’s when we get back to the UK. I reckon I could rock some letters and a helmet. Love it!
@Charlotte – We’re off to Germany. Neither of us speak German at the moment but we’re determined to be able to at least speak and understand some of it by the time we return to the UK.
@Charlotte and Naomi – The deal was I got to plan the wedding of my dreams if hubby could get a motorbike afterwards – I agreed as long as it was a bike I could sit on the back of comfortably. I love it just as much as he does now. We popped out on Saturday evening just for half an hour and saw the most gorgeous sunset over the peaks – after all the rain we’ve had it was just perfect
And the cool leather jacket helps too 
(but be warned, that whole whipping your helmet off and letting your hair swish around is only on tv!!) We’d now like to get an old classic bike that we can pull apart and rebuild together.
Well we’ve been together over 9 years now!!
Laughter is definitely the best medicine for us. Dave regularly has me in stitches…whether it be his impressions (I swear some days it feels like I’m living with Alan Partridge!) or his cute little songs where he changes the words to my name (well my nickname) he always manages to make me smile
We also love a good boxset! We recently finished watching the complete Lost series and are now onto 24 (series 5 – so no spoilers please peeps!) we love watching a few episodes and then spending the next half hour or so trying to work out the twist or in the case of Lost, working out what the hell just happened!!!
Oh & @Jenny – Breaking Bad = Genius! Sooo very strange but we loved it!
We also like going out for meals (who doesn’t?!) or just a couple of drinks and thanks to Tesco clubcard we have had a couple of nights out for free which means going out for yummy meal without the guilt of spending money we should be saving for the wedding!
But our main ‘problem’ is we are just too damn sociable! Seriously – our first part of our honeymoon will be shared with friends! (well we’re hoping to go to Glasto!) We absolutely love going out with our friends whether it’s out for drinks in town, having our annual Halloween party or just round a friends’ place having dinner cooked for us. But tbh that’s what makes us us – and seeing Dave ‘on form’ with his mates never ceases to make me smile (and a little chuffed he’s mine!)
xx
Uh-oh! I’ve just emailled a cleaning firm for a quote… Lee will kill me.
What strategy shall I take to make him think the idea was his? OR I could be like that woman who wears to much make up in The Help who hires Minnie without her husband knowing. Pretend I’m a ‘good wife’
x
@Jenny re 100 days of Sex –
It was a great article! Great to read something from a mans view too. ( My OH bought it on holiday and we all read it!)
I don’t think you need to have lots in common. It’s healthy to have different interests. I don’t like going to football matches, for example, but my man happily goes with his mates and his dad.
Things we like doing together: watching box sets (we’re currently re-watching all the Matt Smith episodes of Doctor Who), eating out, going to the cinema, and we both like going to zoos and wildlife parks. And just little things like playing a board game or cuddling up in front of the TV.
I think the important thing, though, is just to acknowledge your relationship. Don’t forget to say nice things to each other, kiss each other, ask how the other person’s day went, etc. I read somewhere that 8% of married couples kiss each other less than once a week. I find that shocking, but I can see how you could drift into complacency.
@Charlotte-learning a new skill together really works for me and my hubby too. We’ve been together eleven years on Friday, married for two of those. This weekend we went for our first scuba diving lesson together-amazing! Such fun and it has given us so much to talk about since. Now planning our first scuba trip for November. However, if we get pregnant before then, only hubby will be diving…..either outcome is a win win!
Would just like to echo Anne with the kissing – hugely important part of a relationship I think! And to add to that, the best piece of marriage advice I ever received…..communicate! I know it is far too easy to get bogged down in the day to day stuff without communicating properly. That’s where the little arguments start bubbling up as one of you gets the wrong end of the stick.
xx
Aaaah, Charlotte, ditto on the cleaning thing… the only thing we ever get stressed out about, because neither of us has time to do it. We have a cleaner starting on Thursday!!
Cooking together is our ‘thing’ – I can’t wait until we have a house big enough to sit around an actual table #notenoughroomtoswingacat. Our vegetable garden is also a ‘together’ thing, but we didn’t sow anything this year because of the wedding/weather (It looks like an overgrown meadow at the moment!!)
Signing off now, before sound any more like someone out of The Good Life
I REALLY WANT A CLEANER TOOOOO!!!
xx
Just caught up on this!!! a cleaner is totally the way forward, for me with working long hours it just means otherwise i spend lots of the weekend cleaning and tidying and now i don’t have to I LOVES it!!! Means i just have to clean the whirlwind mess I make as I go along, rather than feeling that all the floors needed mopping and bathroom needs doing etc etc it costs us £30 a month and totally worth it from both our points of view.
We do enjoy running together and with the pooch (well, they run on ahead and then run back and forth to find me – it’s kinda like exercising with a pair of duracell bunnies), and we also do lots of coastal weekends away and stay in caravans etc so we’re very lucky – but one thing we have always stuck to, once a month at the very least we have a date night, we go to a restaurant we haven’t tried before and try to meet their, I love it, it’s always a special and flirty evening that ends with us legless dancing round the kitchen
xx
@Charlotte – I WANT A PIANO!!
well i LOVE cleaning so dont think i will trust a cleaner- will probly do it all again when i get home. We love to make things and that is how we spend time. I will have an idea of something but it wont be complete and then he will just come along with an idea that makes it complete! Thinking about us i now realise we dont actually spend that much time together – must remedy that!
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