Going Back To The Start.

I very nearly almost wrote a blog post entitled ‘The Wedding I might have had….’. And it would have mostly been about indecision, about how I would have worn a different dress, or had my hair different, or had been braver with my decisions full stop.

This came about shortly after my wedding halo wore off, and I became a wife and expectant mother. (I almost said ‘just a wife’ a la Monica Bing from Friends…).

I decided not to write about the wedding I might have had, and to just come to terms with the choices I made instead. This might sound rather odd to brides to be, but it’s not uncommon to look back and wonder why you had your hair like that, or why didn’t I invite so and so, or why I bothered inviting so and so, and so on. When we arrived at our new home in Hong Kong, one of the first boxes I unpacked contained our wedding album, so I sat down and looked at it for the first time in yonks. I didn’t get much done that day because I found our wedding dvd too, I had myself a bit of a wedding fest!

It’s been 14 months since our big day, and a mere few months after, I looked at our wedding photo’s and thought that I wished I had my hair different. A rather vain thing to worry about certainly, but all I saw was a big, blonde, frizzy mess. But then I had my hair like that because it looks awful up and off my face. I didn’t wear a big fancy head piece because I hate to draw attention to the size of my bonce (it’s massive). So I made peace with my… big blonde frizzy mess. I also feel, as a larger lady, that I was brave to wear a form fitting dress. Not only was I a larger lady on my day, but I was harbouring a 12 week pregnancy, which is evident at certain angles. Perhaps I should have gone for a dress that was more suitable for someone in my condition (if you can call pregnancy such), but then I made peace with this too. I look at my wedding album now, and I see someone who looks happy, glowing, and confident, and when William is big enough to understand I will take great joy in telling him he was in Mummies tummy when she and Daddy got married!

The issues don’t just stop there, there are people that didn’t make it onto the guest list that I wished I had included. I had to make my peace with that too, especially after receiving an email from my long lost half brother enquiring as to how my big day went…. Yes, that awkward moment when you realise your sister is friends with him on Facebook, and he’s seen the images of the wedding he wasn’t invited to. (It’s a long story). Then there are the people I did include on the guest list who let me down. (also, a long story). The fact is, I had total control over who I surrounded myself with on my wedding day, and generally in life, I surround myself with strong, happy, kind people, so that was my wedding day guest list theory, and subsequently I have made peace with that too.

I’ve gone back to the start. And 14 months since our wedding I finally have a big fat in your face wedding canvas hanging on our wall, and every time I see it I feel all the emotions and excitement of our big day come flooding back, and it puts a spring in my step.

If I could do it all again my choices may differ somewhat. I may have a different dress, different venue, different bridesmaid dresses, but that’s down to being continually inspired by all the weddings and styling I see on Rock My Wedding. The most important thing isn’t how visually pleasing things are, but that that you are embarking upon a life of marriage, with someone who is special enough to want to spend your life with. So who cares about frizzy hair, I would have married Mr O wearing a potato sack and flip flops with Mongolian mountain goats milling around if I had to.

Love

Jenny x

P.S I would love to hear from any marrieds if you have had any look-back-and-I-would-change-moments…

41 thoughts on “Going Back To The Start.

  1. Ah, the “what I would have done differently” post…. Here’s what I would have done differently:

    Worn a different dress.

    That’s it really. I look at pictures and think that I’d change my dress, not entirely sure how though. And I don’t have one in mind that I prefer, but something about it makes me think I’d change it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my dress and changed it quite a lot to suit me and cover a scar on my collar bone (was on horse and then was in ditch) but I don’t quite know what I’d change it to…

    Oh, and I’d also not get so massively stressed that morning that I look like a right mardy cow in the pictures of my getting in to said dress and forget to give presents to Mum and BM’s 🙂

    x

  2. Hi Jenny, totally get what you’ve said here.

    I got married on July 2nd this year. Planned to within an inch of my life and generally stressed until I literally couldn’t stress anymore.

    On the day it started great but when the flowers arrived and they weren’t what I was expecting I was devastated. Then I looked for fault all day. The cake wasn’t what I wanted…I was late for the church blah blah blah. Just picking faults really.

    One of the ushers was just vile all day and really let us down. That’s the hardest thing of all. I feel really disappointed that someone that close to us would use our day as an excuse to behave atrociously. Oh well – you live and learn!

    As it is, I was so disappointed – although everyone else commented that they absolutely loved the day – that I still haven’t picked our photos for our album! I just don’t want to look back through them yet.

    In the spirit of you Jenny – I think I need to make peace with it and give our photographer a ring. He probably thinks I’ve evaporated!!

    xxx

  3. If I could have my wedding all over again I’d:

    – take the ‘rents to a different restaurant the night before, as the one we went to gave my husband serious food poisoning (he made it through the ceremony – just – but he passed out during the photographs and was in bed by 9pm). Brides-to-be take note – nothing but toast on the night before!

    – have the hairstyle I loved instead of the one I liked that my friends talked me into. However had I had it I’d probably be saying the opposite here!

  4. Not quite at the “look back and would change….” stage yet as I am still coping with major post-wedding blues. There are maybe a couple of tweaks I would have made to the guestlist, and I would have emphasised to the chef that the cake wasn’t undercooked it’s just a REALLY moist cake recipe (the cake didn’t get served so we’re still eating wedding cake over a month later and it was cooked properly) but on the day those things really didn’t matter at all, it all seemed perfect.

    Just got our wedding photos from the photographer so I’m half looking back and smiling, and half just in a big old post-wedding slump and trying to remember what I used to do before I had a wedding to plan. Any tips????

    xx

    PS I thought your hair looked lovely!

  5. I laughed at the ‘nothing but toast the night before’ advice to new bride and grooms, sound advice I might add – I’d have been livid if Mr O had been ill (I am sooo unsympathetic!)

    I agree with you Holly Dove, I look a bit mardy in my getting ready pics too, but thats because I honestly just wanted the videographer and photographer, and bridesmaids, and cats, to just bugger off for ten minutes so I could just get some peace and gather my thoughts!

    Lorna, please make peace with your day, look at your wedding pics with a refreshed attitude I bet you will be surprised at how differently you feel towards the events on your big day x

  6. Hhmm…. I loved your wedding hair. I always though brunettes carried a wedding dress better than blondes, until your wedding pics. You gave me the confidence to wear my (bottle) blonde barnet with pride on my big day.

    As for changes, I would tweak the guest list somewhat but other than thay, i’d do it the same all over again!
    xxx

  7. Is it a little strange that I would change everything? Not because I didn’t enjoy absolutely everything about our wedding, but if I could do it all again, why not do it all different?

    My thought process around this is probably because I am married, and so have had the experience planning a wedding first time around. If I was newly engaged, I’m sure I would plan it to be exactly the same as the wedding I’ve just had.

    However, in hindsight there are a couple of things I would do a little differently – refine my guest list some what… I know this sounds completely harsh, but looking back, some people shouldn’t have been invited and I would have definitely made sure I bought my dress from somewhere locally in case any of any problems!

    The post-wedding blues thing though… I’ve just not had it. Yet. Hopefully it will pass me by!

    xoxo

  8. 18 months on and there’s not much I’d change. Though I was a super organised bride, I wasn’t stressed on the day even when somethings went wrong. Number 1 I’d change my hairdresser: she didn’t manage the vintagey chignon I wanted and instead gave me low barrel curls- the opposite of what I wanted!

    I’d have the same dress, but rather than buying a sample and making huge changes, I’d contact the designer and get her to make the changes that I wanted. After she saw my dress on her FB page, she said she would have done it for me.

    Neither of those things fill me with regret though, to me it was the best fun filled, love filled day possible. Like you I relocated to a new country straight after the wedding and it was such a wonderful way to see everyone before we left, that I honestly wouldn’t change a thing!

  9. Firstly Madam Jenny – larger lady?! you berk.

    Secondly all you lovelies are not alone, I too would “change” certain things (I won’t go into it for fear of writing an essay) but you know what? what I would change it to actually um…. changes every few months as well, so lord knows what I actually would have done…had everything exactly the same I bet 🙂

    Although I would change the cake, not the concept, just the fact it was lopsided….

    I would also remember to keep my hydrangea in water whenever I could as it was so hot the bouquets went a bit withered by early evening and that was a shame.

    Oh and shoes. I would invest in some IMMENSE shoes.

    Charlotte xxx

  10. I got married on November 5th and totally expected to have post-wedding blues – but nothing! Maybe it’s because I’ve thrown myself into the next project, which is knitting husband’s annual naff Christmas jumper (one and a half sleeves left to go!).

    The only thing I wish I’d done differently on the day was to get more photos with family. I didn’t get a picture with my grandma, which I do regret. We did our couple shots on top of a very exposed hill (literally about 10 minutes’ worth) and then did family shots for about 15 minutes, if that, and by then everyone was frozen and keen to get inside for a mulled wine. I could have gone on longer but husband had completely had enough of photos!

    Don’t regret your choices; we all made choices that were right at the time. I’m sure all those 80s brides look at their dresses compared to today’s styles and wonder what they’d been thinking, but it was right at the time – which is the important thing.

  11. Jenny – I wasn’t angry with him but it did put a big dampener on our day, for him in particular as he was so worried he disappointed me. Our ceremony was lovely but the reception was more like a girls’ night out in a very expensive dress as I didn’t see my new husband!

    I’m very over it now and to me it’s just a funny story to tell our babies (and grandbabies!), but my husband still feels a bit uncomfortable when our friends tease him over it (the passing out scene was very dramatic – down a winding staircase!) so it’s worth learning from for those planning their weddings!

    🙂

  12. I would defo change lots of little thing sbut the main 2 are- I wouldnt have had lots of peoplein thehouse when i was getting ready, everyone got distracted and the getting ready photos were a bit rushed, and like alot of you i had a right bad face on beacause nobody was helping me they were all chatting and eating strawberries.

    The biggest thing id change is i wish id done a speech about my H2B, as he was so wonderful about me in his speech i felt a bit crap i hadnt prepared anything for him, he put up with a lot during the planning and he deserved to get some credit for being such a great guy! xxx

  13. Oh I’d change so much!! But I don’t know why, because I really did love our day.
    Different dress – absolutely. I’d spend more!!
    Differnt hair – although, realistically it was the best I was going to get as I wanted it down, but out the way!
    Different venue – although on our budget our venue was lovely…

    I am seriously suffering from PND = Post Nuptial Depression!! And our wedding was in August 🙁 Luckily I have several friends planning their weddings, and one is a girl I work with, so i still get to live and breath it a lot of the time.

    PS. Jenny, larger lady?!?!?!?!?!?!?! You are freaking gorgeous and there is not a single curve out of place!!

  14. Would I change some things about our wedding day. YES.

    Do I regret anything about our wedding day. NO.

    We got married in May 2009 so we’re already at the 2 and half year mark (YIKES!) and looking back now there are certain things that I would do differently. However, none of these are the big things.

    Perhaps I could have been a little more ‘out there’ with my choice of dress. Maybe we shouldn’t have had chicken and haggis for the main course (I like it 🙂 ) and we probably should’ve invested in a videographer.

    Most of it, I wouldn’t change for the world. I bagged myself a wonderful Hubster who hates chicken and haggis but ate it just for me 😉

    xx

  15. Would I change something about my wedding weekend (it was a destination, I am a wedding planner), I wouldn’t have planned it myself, full stop.

    I was so tired, I had to go to bed during the party the night before my wedding and clear up the day after the wedding, I did enjoy our weekend away the week after though, where we just relaxed by the pool and did nothing at all!

    I also wouldn’t have tried to have a dress made for me, as it went wrong and I panic bought a dress off the internet one month before the wedding ( it was amazing though).

    Thinking about it now, my stress levels were really at their peak!!!

  16. oooh things I would change… are plenty.. but then I think of what Mr Bennett would say and I know why I didn’t change them.

    Things like our photographers- they were lovely and at a price we could afford, but didn’t get the artsy folksy style of couple shots that I was secretly dreaming of.. but Mr B’s philosophy is down to earth, bash out t’photos and have a good feed- and that’s what we had. They are still gorgeous and I love the one that I’ve got him on canvas for Christmas… and if we had done things differently it wouldn’t have been our day.

    It’s the butterfly effect, no? Tiny things you might do differently which might actually have had a huge impact on your day and your memories.. and speaking for myself, they couldn’t get any better 😀

    The honeymoon, mind, that’s something else. Suffice to say that we’re looking at a second one when I finish my PhD as it went t~ts up from the day after the wedding onwards due to circumstances beyond our control… but then again, we made it through together, and have had a rough couple of months afterwards- better or worse or what! It’s made us stronger, and made all the minutiae of the wedding that we might have done differently sit nicely in context.

    Brilliant post Jen, and to echo other people- large?????!!!! Really???!!! Don’t be absurd 🙂 xxx

  17. Fan-tastic post Jenny my love.

    My post wedding experience has been a tad different as we flew off so shortly after the wedding and for so long that I actually… Well… I actually forgot about it.

    I knew I was married and that my day was incredible, but I was faced with such an adventure that I didn’t spare it time for reflection and thought.

    This, it turns out, was my way of coping with The Fear. The big mad reflection fear of inadequacy. I can honestly remember looking through our photos in Vietnam, before sending it to Charlotte and thinking ‘Oh God… This is so not RMW worthy’. I felt awful for all of about 2 days, mulling over how I should have done things differently.

    Then, Gods honest truth, I had a conversation with a young Vietnamese bar maid, who wanted to be a make up artist. She begged me to see my wedding photos, so drunkenly (& at about 7am, while Gavin & a few lads were still partying away) I put my wedding photos up on their projection screen. The girls all crowded round, oohing & ahhing, complimenting every detail sincerely.

    The conversation then turned to how none of them would get to have a wedding like that because they’re families were not wealthy enough.

    I can honestly say that without wanting to sound like an oxfam ad, this put a stop to my fear of inadequacy. I looked back over my photos to see how damn lucky I was to have had such a spectacular day, with all those details, the venues, the people and the fun. Our choices made all of it very ‘us’. Would I change anything? I am honestly not even going to begin to entertain that thought. It’s a ticket to madness and insecurity. I can now look at my wedding and appreciate it for everything it was, just as I look at other weddings and love them for their difference to my own.

    I have certainly made my peace with just how rockin’ my day was & how lucky we were to have it.

    Aaaaand breathe… Wow. There’s bound to be a clatter of typos in there.

  18. Oh and Jenny… Your getting a serious ass kicking when I eventually see you in HK for the larger lady & big bonce remarks… Wise up.

    Where’s the self love you sexy mother trucker?

  19. We’ve not had our big day yet (5th May next year) and I wanted to get your advice…

    My hubby to be and I joke that we are in an episode of Don’t tell the Bride …. or Groom! We’re having the wedding at my parents house (which I am so pleased about) and the wedding has become their project. We’re doing little things (like the table names and cars etc and we’re chosen the guest list) and they consult me on things but my parents have made a lot of the decisions and it’s becoming a bit of a running joke that there might be things planed that we don’t even know about (I spoke to my dad recently and he said he told my mum she can’t have the trumpeters … I hadn’t even known trumpeters were on the list!)

    I have to say that right now I’ve settled into this situation and with 5 months before the wedding I’m not really stressed about anything. I’ve accepted that the day will be great what ever kind of flowers my mum chooses, and I’m sure the lady she’s booked to do my hair and makeup will do a great job, the food and wine will taste great (even though we didn’t pick it) and everyone will have a fantastic time.

    ….and this is were perhaps you be able to might help…am I mad? Will I regret not getting more involved with the detail or could not getting into the detail actually allow me to enjoy the day and focus on just getting married?

    Comments welcome…

  20. Oh Jenny 🙁 your wedding was truly beautiful and I’d like to know where the frizz is? I would LOVE to have hair like yours. Mine is so thin and is going to need to be back combed to perfection to achieve the beehive 60’s look I’m hoping for.

    I can however sympathise on changing your mind! And I haven’t even had my wedding yet, but 2 years and 1 month of planning has led to me wanting a completely different wedding now that what I wanted when I was first engaged! I think it’s natural, plus with so many lovely idea on RMW it’s hard not to want them all!! 😉

    6 months to go, let’s hope I don’t change my mind anymore!! xx

  21. Hi Lizzy

    I think a wedding is a very personal thing.

    Some people get totally caught up in the planning and the detail and then feel a bit bereft when the wedding is over and others take a bit more of a laid back approach. It sounds like you’re the latter.

    Do you trust your parents to plan a wedding that you’ll love? If you do and you’re happy to turn up on the day, I say go for it.

    I’m planning my wedding to at the moment and I couldn’t think of anything worse than letting someone else plan it for me, as I wouldn’t trust them to make it reflect me as a person (my parents and I have very different ideas/tastes!).

    If you believe your wedding will be the wedding you want even though you’ve not had much input into the planning then that’s wonderful. You’re saving yourself a whole load of stress!

  22. Im not married yet as you know – just starting out, I think its inevitable that I will pick holes in myself beacuse thats just the way I am with photos. God knows what I am going to do with my bod but I have some time! Phew (must stop eating mince pies)
    Jenny – you have the most beautiful hair, when I met you I wanted to steal it off your head!! 🙂 you look stunning in your photos, you really do.
    There is so much gorgeous stuff out there it’s so hard to choose and over the next 12 months there will be many more gorgeous weddings to inspire me so I know Ill be changing my mind every 5 mins until, like a month before! and I know after I will be saying to myself, “I wish we had thought of that” or “I wish I had done that differently”, its totally natural I say.

    Vix

    x

  23. Wow Lizzy, that’s a pretty huge thing letting your parents arrange everything near enough. If you trust them 100% then great, however can you not maybe ask them to let you in on the things they are planning? So if there was something on the list that you actually hated you could say something before the big day?

    I would possibly ask for a list of the big things, let them do little things if you are not worried too much about details and want a few surprises but you can check out the bigger decisions that way and in a nice way maybe say if you have any problems?

    I for one wouldn’t let my mum or dad plan it as their tastes are very different to mine (also don’t really see my dad) and I would probably worry like mad. I am a natural born worrier. However it is entirely your choice hun and you should do what makes you happy. I am sure your mum and dad will make it a super special day for you.

    Just go with how you and your HB2 feel and chat to your parents if you have any concerns, I’m guessing if they are great enough to do all of this they will be great enough to let you have any input you would like.

    I am not married yet either and yet there are things I would change. Like eloping the two of us and doing it alone? Or a registry office affair and a massive 6 month honeymoon? Keep searching for a chepaer dress. But hey, you live and learn and I am sure on the day I won’t regret a thing.

    xx

  24. Hey Jenny,

    Fantastic post that has set my mind at rest. I do worry that some of the decisions we are making, we may regret later on when we look back, however, as you mention, we have made those decisions for a reason. We like it. I hope I don’t look back with ‘what ifs’.

    Lizzie, it’s a tough one. I assume from what you say your parents are assisting you financially with the wedding. This may have put them in the mind set that they can go on right ahead with all the decision making, and if you haven’t spoken up, they assume that’s alright and they’ve got a bit carried away. Will you regret not having any input? I guess that depends on what type of personality you are! Some people are so laid back, they would go with whatever. At the opposite end of the scale is the complete control freaks. Where do you see yourself on this scale? If you are worrying that you may regret not having a bigger input, it could potentailly mean you will. Try and have an input into the bigger decisions e.g. your dress (obvs), food, decor, etc. Decide what the most important things are to you.

    I don’t know if I am helping or what?! Good luck xx

  25. I have just spent ages reading all about your wedding Jenny and I just wanted to say how beautiful you looked! I didn’t see one single bit of frizz 🙂

    My hair is really curly and can get really frizzy, I just pray it doesn’t rain on my day! x

  26. Jenny, what are you talking about woman, your hair was/is lush!!!!

    Lizzie, I am having seriously battles with my mum over weddingness, she clearly has a very strong idea of how she wants the wedding and we have very strong ideas on how we want it. However I am going to keep battling because I do not want to look back and think “that’s not how we wanted our married life to start, we wanted it our way, not someone else’s way”. As the boy also says “she had her wedding, now it’s our turn.”

    If you are comfortable with what is going on, then it sounds wonderful and a majorly stress free way of planning a wedding. I think
    if you have any niggling doubts you might feel afterwards it wasn’t your day, you may have to do a bit if negotiating/battling!

    Hope you find what your looking for 🙂 xxx

  27. @Lizzy: I think it really depends on how you see your wedding day. If you want it to be a perfect reflection and representation of you and your H2B as interesting and unique individuals, having your parents play such a large role in the organisation may lead to disappointments. But if you see your wedding as basically a very expensive, very large party, requiring tonnes of organisation which you don’t really feel that enthusiastic about and which threatens to overwhelm the most important event of the day – the joining of you and your H2B in marriage – then it may well make loads of sense to let your parents get on with the organisation and simply enjoy the ride! Good luck working it out xx

  28. p.s. @Jenny: You looked absolutely stunning on your wedding day, hair and dress choices included! (Plus your makeup was IMMACULATE)
    @Naomi: Loving the perspective. Sometimes we can just get so caught up in our fantasies.

  29. Hi Lizzie, I’d echo what others have said – if you’re relaxed about it all and happy to let your mum get on with it all then enjoy it!! You’re definitely saving yourself a lot of stress and pretty much whatever she’s done it will be fine (as per ‘Dont Tell The Bride’ – the emotion of the day is all focused on the getting married part and even if the details aren’t what you’d have chosen, they just don’t matter that much either).

    If you think you will be bothered by her choices, then I’d try and get involved sooner rather than later. Maybe you can talk through what she’s booked etc, or ask her to shortlist 3 options for each decision and then you get the final choice?

    I think its lovely that your mum actually wants to get so involved and plan it all for you – my mum certainly doesn’t and will barely talk to me about it. She and your dad obviously love you very much and want your day to be perfect. I think they are winding you up with the trumpeters tho!

  30. Ok first things first, Jennifer you are a stunner. An actual one as well. Your hair looked hot as did you… as to it being ‘obvious’ you were 12 WEEKS pregnant… erm, no, really not! I remember seeing your write up, reading about baby and then thinking WOW really where?!?

    Regrets? I cant tell you know whether I will or I wont as I am 6 months to go *feck 6 months?!?! how did that happen?

    I know that there are things that i would love but cannot afford (a band, fancy shoes, someone artistic doing the invites instead of me, videographer) But there are certain choices that I have had to make based on financial situation. We’re spending a fair old whack on venue and food (lots of people is expensive, no matter how it plays out!) but I hope that I wont regret these decisions because they are based on what is reasonable and practical for us.

    I think in our world of choice we can get ourselves in a right tizz, thinking we should do everything and anything. There are a number of dresses I could have bought, all very different. But venue and budget have definately dictated majority of aspects of our day.

    Lizzie… I cant answer for you, I know that there are many many times when I want other people to make decisions for me, it seems easier somehow, particularly when I am overwhelmed by the choices and ideas. Maybe have a think about what YOU BOTH want to do? and then have a chat with your Mum. I would love someone else to plan but I am sure that doesnt come without its drawbacks.

    Naomi – you are a wise one my dear! And so right!! (except on this point – you wore a leather jacket, how could that NOT be RMW worthy?!) ps Vietnam is on potential honeymoon list… when you going to do a lovely write up on your massive adventure??

    This is what happens when I stay off work ill (cough cough cough) I miss out on all the RMW chat and then write a freaking ESSAY!

    So to all those who have regrets, as long as you dont regret the marriage then the wedding is just a day in your life (albeit a big exciting one). And I am sure you all looked amazing, felt amazing and had an amazing time 🙂

  31. Jenny – lovely post and ditto the comments above about being ‘larger’ lady – no way jose!! You looked stunning on your wedding day and certainly did not have frizzy hair! I hope you’re enjoying HK.

    I loved planning our wedding but there was so much choice out there that I started revisiting everything I had booked and planned before we even got wed!! Thank heavens I didn’t really find RMW and SMP until just before the wedding otherwise I would have literally been changing my mind every other day!

    I do remember looking through all the wedding posts after our big day whilst i was suffering the post wedding blues and thinking ‘I should have done this, should have had that’ etc. but to be honest we had such a wonderful day and if I really think about it I probably wouldn’t change anything in terms of the day itself, yes I could have more flowers, details etc but on the whole the day was about my husband and I sharing it with the people we love and to have a day filled with great food, wine and music.

    The one major thing I would change (and its nothing to do with the actual day itself) would be to have a professional photographer and videographer (I already posted on this ages ago so won’t rehash what was said) but whilst I remember having a great day, it would be so wonderful to have the photos and video the way I wanted them, so many key photos were missed and the video didn’t come out great. My dad recently passed away which makes it even harder for me to come to terms with as I wish I had more photos of him on our wedding day but hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I will always remember how excited I was about having him walk me down the aisle and his wonderful speech so I guess i can’t ask for more than that.

    To all those new brides out there, don’t drive yourself mad about what details, flowers, dress etc. you could have had and just remember what a wonderful day you had celebrating with all your friends and family. As Naomi says above, at least most of us are lucky enough to be able to have the wedding we dreamed of xx

  32. This article really struck a chord with me. No matter what we’d like to change it’s not the little things which matter.

    “I surround myself with strong, happy, kind people”

    THAT is the only thing which matters on your wedding day (and of course that hubby meets these criteria! 🙂 That is all l would change about my wedding day… and my life in general. How did you get so wise Jen?? 🙂

    Btw you are stunningly beautiful – no frizz no potato sack just lovely Jen

    xx

  33. It was great to read your blog.

    I had a bridesmaid that thought she could not possibly do the role the day before I got married as everybody would be looking at her!
    Her mother called my mother to explain the situation as you can imagine our jaws just dropped – so as you can guess I would have chosen differently, however it is so easy to look at what you would change, but for every negative you will always find a positive, I do not have any regrets about the choices I made they were the ones I made at the time and who I was then (14yrs ago) but one thing has remained constant and that is how I feel about the man I married – I love him as much now as I did then and I reflect on this when I start to think of what I could have changed.

    x

  34. Jenny!You pillock! Not for the post (which is beautifully written, as per), but for your ‘larger lady'(?????) and ‘frizz’ comments – I remember seeing your photos for the first time and LUSTING after your hair – it looked beaut! Just goes to show how we see ourselves in a different light to how other people see us!

    LauraLoves – I say the same prayer almost every day – blo*dy hair 😉

    LizzyD – This is a toughie. I think you have a great attitude – taking things in your stride, and realising that things like flowers aren’t important BUT, I think the key is deciding how you & your h2b will feel in the last few days before the wedding. Like the others have said – do you think you’ll be happy with the situation right the way through until W-day?

    It also depends on your parents – are they doing it to be helpful, or do you feel like they are taking over? Do you think they will relax and enjoy the day, or will they be on tenterhooks?

    We went to a wedding in October, where the bride’s parents had done everything. For the most part, the couple were very chilled – they had tried the menu, and had a say in the ‘big’ things – BUT, there were things they would have done differently, I think. That said, they were grateful to reach their day without getting stressed out about anything, because her parents had stressed on there behalf!

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s a balancing act – if you feel left out, get involved. If you’re happy to continue as things are, make the most of it 🙂

  35. @Hannah – honestly pet the fact you can laugh about it (when I say laugh I mean put a smiley in your comment!) not only shows what a strong and mature lady you are but also that actually it was still a great day. Lots of Love and luck for the future.

    All the rest of you wise ladies – thanks so much – seriously. I think your advice has been as useful to everyone (including me) as it has been to Lizzy (hopefully she’ll see your comments and come back and say thanks…)

    Charlotte xxx

  36. Firstly and most importantly, Inga – my heart goes out to you I am so so sorry to hear you lost you Dad recently. Your heart feels heavy with grief at the moment but trust me, believe me, you will learn to carry the grief, and I hope that in time you can look at your beautiful wedding photo’s and feel the love that surrounded you and continues to surround you. You have always been an avid supporter of my writing and you are an amazing woman, how honoured your Dad must have been to walk you down the aisle x

    Lizzie – cor you really do sound like you are taking part in don’t tell the bride! I think they are winding you up about the trumpeters, and I think only you know if you can cope with not having a say in the big things. I myself am a total control freak, so had a say over every little thing. However if I had someone I trusted completely, to do it all for me, and take the stress out of it all, I would have relished it!

    Whats the worst that can happen…..?

    Naomi – more honeymoon tales please! We are thinking of going to Nam at xmas for a few days, where is good/nice/relaxing?

    Thank you for all the encouraging comments, but you do realise I had about 8 hair pieces in my barnet?!! And an immense amount of backcombing. I gave Katie Price a run for her money :o)

    ps. A cure for the post wedding blues?

    GET PREGNANT!!

    You’ll be so consumed with growing bones

    And not throwing up in your bin at work

    That you won’t give your wedding a second thought!

    xxx

  37. Hey,

    I loved this post as we are pre wedding but I am occasionally worrying we will regret our choices…but like Naomi said it helps to bring it back into perspective 🙂

    Lizzy – we live Australia and are planning a big country DIY wedding back home for next year without returning home prior!! My Mum is being amazing with the planning side of things and luckily our tastes are similar as I am having to rely on her judgement a fair bit…however there have definitely been moments when I have gone ‘sorry what?!’ about certain things I didn’t know were even on the cards but they are all things I would actually like so I usually end up as excited as my Mum is with her idea!
    This said as I LOVE planning I am trying to be as involved as possible with the however many miles between us…que alot of skype sessions with my Mum holding up various homemade invites / decorations / photos from magazines!!

    I think as long as you feel happy with how things are going then roll with it – I echo someone else though about the hair & makeup trial…disaster could strike with that one 🙂

  38. Jenny – thank you for your lovely response, it’s been a hard few months with the high of giving birth to a beautiful daughter but the low of losing my dad to cancer a month after she was born, thankfully I managed to get over to Brussels in time for me to see him and for dad to meet Isabella before he passed away 3 days later, I’m just so grateful he managed to see her as he was so looking forward to being a granddad. I feel so sad that she won’t get to know him and vice versa. I realise you went through something very similar with losing your mum a couple of years ago, it’s just such an awful thing to go through, you can never quite understand how it feels for someone it until unfortunately you end up going through it yourself. We are off to Egypt for xmas and taking mum as we can’t bear to be at home this year without him, thankfully Isabella has been a great distraction for all of us, I don’t know what I would have done without her to be honest.

    On a much happier note I totally agree with Jenny re getting pregnant after the wedding, was something to totally distract me from post wedding blues and it’s been a wonderful experience, Isabella is a joy to be around. Also helped that several of my friends have got engaged so I’ve been helping them plan their weddings. Funnily enough two girls I met through ante-natal are also engaged and I’ve been passing on all my info and magazines to them 🙂 it’s nice to pass on the knowledge and of course I get my RMW fix every now and then when I get a spare moment 🙂 xx

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