There is a rather epic tale attached to how I came to buy three wedding dresses. It’s not because I’m greedy (promise!) but more due to my being a very misguided and indecisive bride.
After I got engaged, I became rather overwhelmed (and obsessed) with not looking like a typical bride. I didn’t feel like a bride. In fact I sort of became the anti bride. I didn’t want a veil, I didn’t want a meringue-esque dress, I didn’t want a tiara. I didn’t want tulle, or taffeta, or satin. I didn’t want layers of netting. Or sparkly bits. Or ruching. So when I bit the bullet and went to my first bridal shop you can imagine the service I received when I listed all the things on my ‘do not want’ list, frosty to say the least!
I’d done my research though, I knew what I did want, and that was lace. I’d looked online at the current collections and knew I would probably be a Charlotte Balbier bride, I liked that she is a British designer and I loved every dress in her collection. I just wanted a really boho look, tousled hair and simplistic styling.
Going to a bridal shop was a big thing for me. I’ve mentioned her before in many of my What Jenny Did posts, because I like to keep her memory alive, the bridal shop experience was somewhat bitter sweet because my Mum passed away the year before I got engaged. So I went alone, and I was nervous, anxious and frankly a little terrified! So many mothers and daughters in these places…
The lace dress I tried was not good. Not good at all. I was too curvy. I resolved to never try on another lace dress as long as I lived, and to try another bridal boutique, but take someone with me for moral support!
The first dress was tried on, and I felt relieved. It was a British designer and made me feel like a size 8 so it ticked all the boxes. No more dress shopping! Deposit paid, dress ordered. Job done.
It was still over a year until the big day though. And I had major dress wobblage.
The hype over Chinese made wedding dresses got me interested, I am an ebay addict, and saw a dress I considered to be worthy of wearing… it was 99p. Shipping was £99. I ordered it – and when it arrived I was flabberghasted at the quality. I wasn’t prepared for how much I would love it, and I loved it more than the first dress. Opening a huge can of worms here, indecision was kicking in. What dress was I going to wear? Would I feel confident wearing a dress that cost me so little?
Then I made the mistake of visiting another bridal boutique in search of a veil.
I didn’t end up buying a veil.
I ended up buying another dress.
A lace dress. Avec sparkly bits.
So that’s three dresses.
Mr O was of the impression that I might have had some sort of unofficial dress buying disorder, and wondered if I was of a sound mind!
I couldn’t get out of buying the first dress. They wouldn’t give me my deposit back, the dress was made to order so I had to commit to spending the money.
The second dress I was a bit crafty and sold it on eBay, making myself a few extra bob.
The third dress was THE ONE, I picked it up with weeks to spare and it didn’t need any altering what so ever. I resolved to my nearest and dearest that yes I would stop looking at wedding dresses, and yes I promise I will not under any circumstances purchase another wedding dress.
Then seven weeks before the wedding, whilst on a hen do in Oxford, I discovered I was pregnant! (cue visions of me waddling up the aisle with a huge bump with a dress that wouldn’t do up at the back). Worst case scenario I would be 15 weeks pregnant on the big day. Best case scenario I would be 11 weeks. I wouldn’t know until I had my first dating scan.
This is when I visited my ‘go to’ party dress website, Vivien of Holloway. My stomach would be very well concealed in a circle dress. It turns out that my first scan showed I was not as far on as my dates had implied, and my 12 week scan was the day before the wedding! My tummy was uncomfortable under tight clothing, so I decided to wear the third dress for the ceremony, then change into the VoH dress once we had announced Baby O was on his way. Comfort, and not yacking up was my primary concern (amazing how your priorities change when pregnant and planning a wedding) Turns out I didn’t need to change at all, my wedding dress was so comfy, I think you can see a hint of a swollen tummy, but considering there was a very active baby growing in there I didn’t mind one bit.
So that’s the story of Three and a half dresses.
With the benefit of hindsight, and experience, I wish I had considered looking into buying a second hand dress. I recently looked through a few bridal boutiques offering second hand designer dresses and I found an unworn Amanda Wakely, a few Sottero & Midgelys and an immaculate Alan Hannah, for a mere fraction of the cost of a new dress.
I wish I had been a little more savvy with my money and just spent a few more hours looking around, and weighing up my options.
I rushed into that first dress, bought the second dress out of curiosity, bought the third dress by accident, and the Vivien of Holloway out of necessity.
I still feel a little nauseous when I think of the money I have wasted. And what my Mum would have thought…..
I’ve been trying to sell it for over a year now, on many dress sites, and still it goes unworn. I’ve dropped it into my local bridal boutique for them to sell (and take an obscene percentage of the sale), and have drawn a line under the whole wedding dress issue.
So ladies, please don’t find yourself in my situation – but if you do it’s alright. I found THE dress for me eventually, and live to tell the tale. I just rushed into making a decision without thinking it through properly. A rather misguided and naïve bride to be! Oh how much I learnt about myself whilst planning my big day, it really is life changing – I find myself haggling over the price of crisps these days! (I love crisps).
Since making it through the wedding planning process unscathed (without any grey hair to speak of) I love my dress but I wish I had followed my heart and had the balls to wear something that totally represented my initial anti bride feelings. Who says you have to walk up the aisle in a long white dress? The pressure placed upon brides to conform to what is socially acceptable cheeses me off sometimes. We’re not all born with the ‘bride’ gene. Not all of us want to do the ‘step together step together’ walk up the aisle in an ivory gown. There is nothing wrong with pushing the boundaries, and doing what the heck ever you want to do. Don’t listen to the people that scoff at your ideas, do whatever makes your heart sing.
Jenny xx
Oh Jenny, what a lovely post. You bring a tear to my everytime! I purchased my dress in February 2011 and am not walking down the aisle until May, so I too have been victim to the dress wobbles, however I have stuck to my guns and just tried not to look at others dresses! Difficult with my RMW addiction.
My cousin was 12 weeks on her big day, and forever more she can look back on her piccies knowing her little baby boy was there on such a special day
xx
This is exactly what I’m afraid of haha! I get married May 2013, but as soon as I got engaged in September 2011 I have been obsessed with dress shopping and finding the perfect one! nothing has been quite right, there’s been lot’s of ‘nice’ dresses. But non that I get really excited about. I’ve finally narrowed down my search and know that I want a sweetheart neckline, tulle bottom but some thing interesting like soft ruffles or layers, and a bit of sparkle. I have tried soooo many on. The nearest I have come to my ideal is a Kelly star number (a designer I have never heard of, which worries me). I am tempted to go and buy it, because I do love it. But am petrified I will change my mind and can’t afford another dress! Too much of a huge decision to make. Wish me luck! xx
This made me laugh! I haven’t found my dress yet but I have seen about a hundred that I like. Knowing me I will probably end up buying a few as I am so indecisive! X
The last bridal shop I went into the lady kept telling me how short I was and how I should wear blah blah blah type of dress to make me look taller! I like being short thanks!
I think you definitely found the right dress in the end Jenny, it looked perfect on you Xx
Oh the nightmares! The thought of wedding dress shopping terrified me! Too much choice, not enough choice, too expensive, having to make a decision, possibly regretting my decision… I could go on!
Luckily for me, our engagement will only be about 9 months by the time of our wedding in June, and, despite other peoples reservations, I ordered a dress, online, from China.
Bottom line, it’s amazing. All that needed doing was the hem taking up, and I knew that would be a problem all along! Material is perfect, stitching is perfect, and I have never regretted my decision!
My final words would have to be to just do what feels right for YOU!
I too looked terrible in lace, like an old lady! I didn’t think I would like satin or sparkly but what do you know… my favourite dress so far is satin with lots of sparkle! Just goes to show I suppose, you have to try them all on! Lucy x
I love this post! I too was this person, I got married in November and had been engaged for two years, during this time I bought 3 dresses, the third being THE ONE!! I was also not a very ‘normal’ bride and my ‘do not want’ list was huge, no sparkle, veil, fluffy stuff, I wanted sleeves and lace, and something vintage, preferably 60s style – I did a bit of research online first and came to the decision that I hated wedding dresses!! I couldn’t find anything that I liked and the thought of spending that much money made me feel quite sick to be honest! I never went to any bridal shops because they scared the life out of me – I bought my first one off the highstreet, I loved the lace it was made of and planned to do some restyling (with help from my Mum) to make it into what I wanted, I then found a lovely one at a vintage clothes sale, it fit, jobs a good’en, but I don’t think it ever really felt right. One day about a year and a half before the wedding (I was a little obsessed with the whole dress thing and hatred with wedding dresses quite early on!) I was looking on Etsy, my Mum had told me they had some nice weddingy things; favours etc, so I put ‘vintage’ and ‘wedding’ into the search engine and a few little images popped up – my absolutely gogeous dress, THE ONE – yippee! It was 60′s, heavy cream lace, with sleeves and fit like a dream, also a complete bargain (although it came from Canada which cost a bit more to post) – I would definately recommend for those brides who dont want the usual weding dress (which I do think are lovely, but just not me at all) to look in other places, lots of vintage dress websites and America/Canada seem to have much more in the way of vintage dresses.
I also think it’s really important to be ‘you’ on your wedding day, it’s so easy to do what you think you have to, but your own style should shine through. I got so many comments about my dress and everyone said ‘it’s so you’ so i just knew I had made the right choice!
ps. I’ve just picked it up from the cleaners and now really wish I could wear it again!! People keep telling me to have it shortened so I could wear it again, has anyone ever had their dress altered as a ‘normal’ dress, is it a good idea??? xx
I was lucky with my dress, it wasn’t that I didn’t like anything, just that nothing suited my boyish figure. I would definitely say go and try a few different styles on as you may be pleasantly surprised, I suited strapless more than I thought I would and some fuller skirts actually looked really pretty (I was determined to have a fishtail..)
And Jen – your final dress was a beaut
Charlotte xxx
I’d definitely recommend trying on stuff you think you don’t want because a) sometimes its very amusing and b) you might, just might, have been wrong
i very nearly bought a dress that was gorgeous but totally wrong for the type of wedding we were having, ended up having one made for me, completely adoring it and, like Kate, having people tell me it was ‘very me’
mrs r x x x
Great post. I am not going to have a white/ivory gown, but a brightly coloured number, because that is much more ‘me’. However, on hearing this, lots of people roll their eyes and seem to think I am just being precious and not conforming to tradition for the sake of it…. It’s not that at all – I just want to feel like me on the day, but also to feel special, and I didn’t think a traditional wedding dress would make me feel either of those things…
I wish id got my dress in from China, i paid a fortune for my dress and it needed practically taken apart and put back together again as it was a standard size and i am a short arse! was alot of hassle, and it never really looked right in the end, should totally have got something made to measure, but thought it was too pricy in the Uk and was too scared to risk the China route, by the time i added all the alteration costs to my dress i would have been the same price to get something made to measure in the UK.
I still love my dress but now seems like a total waste of money hanging in the wardrobe!
I bought a dress and now I am in a panic about it. To be fair, I love looking at wedding dresses on other people but I have never seen myself in one.
The one I chose suits my plus size figure perfectly and my Sister cried – and she doesn’t cry easily!
For me, it was never going to be a very important part of my day – and my fiancé said that he knows I will look beautiful to him, whatever I wear!
Ah Charlotte, I had a 3 dress issue too!! Luckily though, I didn’t put a deposit down until the 3rd and final. After finding dress 1 (A simple affair), I was told to look around “to be sure” and accidently found dress 2 (the total opposite of No. 1, lace skirt, sparkles and a lace shoulder strap…), so then made an impromptu visit to the shop to re-try on dress 1 and rule it out.
Then found dress 3 (my dress) at a boutique, as I was trying on another that I’d seen online and had an appointment to try on dress 2 afterwards to show my mum! Hence rush to try on dress 2, and then go back and try on dress 3 within an hour and put down a very hasty deposit as I was fed up of looking! It was definitely impulse, and do have dress wobbles, but I know it’s “The One” as it’s typically me and it’s a combination of both of the other dresses. Plus I know MrG will love it,although he thinks I’m wearing a black dress with multicoloured polka-dots…
I like this post! It makes me smile. I don’t have a dress yet and am in serious need of help!!!!
I also bought 3 dresses so jenny you’re not alone. I was very decisive in my dress choice and I knew I’d found the one when I bought my first dress. The problem was I felt sick like head swimming, clammy, going to throw up all over the tulle SICK everytime I wore it. I thought it was the boning or the weight of the skirt. So I bought a copy of a tea length dress from a chinese website. The copy was a nightmare. It seemed to have been made for someone with HH breasts and a size 8 waist. After many alterations, it finally fitted and I took it home only for the zip to break. I decided to give it up as a bad job and bought a simple lace shift dress to wear in the evening, hoping to manage in my first dress for the day time. As it turned out I wore my beautiful first dress all day. It wasn’t heavy or too tight and best of all I didn’t want to throw up! It turned out it was all the stress that I went through in the dress shop (staff and treatment they gave was the stuff nightmares are made of) that had made me feel sick. My advice would be don’t just pay for a dress, pay for service as well. It’s not just a dress you’re buying. I saved a little bit a money by buying from my bridal shop but it wasn’t worth it as I lost money in the long run because of the poor service I recieved.
Couldn’t agree more with that last sentence! I’ll be walking down the aisle in a dress that cost £60, from Peacocks. Anyone I told that I’d ordered it thought I was mental for even considering it, and said I should go for a “proper” wedding dress. But it arrived and I fell in love with it as soon as I opened the box – it’s a 50s style tea length number with little lace sleeves and it truly does make my heart sing
Most people don’t know where I got my dress, and I’m 100% sure nobody would ever guess it cost so little. I did still go and try on some dresses at a bridal store, just for the experience, but can honestly say that I didn’t find a single one that I preferred to my wonderful bargain! I’m so glad I followed my heart when choosing my dress.
AAAH love this post – totally understand the anti bride – no veil, no meringue, does it have to be white – feelings.. I ordered my dress eventually and am very happy with it, but doesn’t stop the wobbles – there’s an AMAZING p-middy lookalike dress in monsoon just now and net-a-porter has Vivienne Westwood at half price which is SOOOOOO tempting as i’ve always wanted a westwood dress. (Although where else are you going to get away with wearing a champagne corseted creation except your own wedding – someone please tell me where else!!!)
Lucky that Christmas is just over so I am super poor and so even if I wanted to buy my second and third dress as mentioned above, I’m at my credit limits so it’s just not possibleII One sure fire way to limit indecision???
I’m absolutely TERRIFIED of buying my dress. I think they’re all assuming you’re a 21 year old, 5’10″, size 8 (with a platinum card). I, alas, am none of those things. And I’m picky – don’t like anything too frou-frou, sparkly or that I’ll need help to go to the loo in. I couldn’t do one of those slinky satin numbers. Oh, and I don’t like the hooker-bride look (you’ve seen those, right? Semi-transparent bodices). Even if I could pull it off. Isn’t that frigging EVERYTHING? Okay, breathe….
Loved this post along with many of others above, comments have made me also smile and lol! I got engaged June 2009 and once we got our butts in gear in 2010 decided on 29th June this year….so I have had a whole lotta time, but funnily being so in love with fashion and it being my ‘thing’ I didn’t dive in looking straight away. I browsed on-line and a few magazines, I had a fair idea what I liked as knew what would suit my shape. Narrowed down with two pics in my hands,one Jim Hjelm and one Justin Alexander, i arrived at my local bridal shop. I was informed the Jim Hjelm was only available in USA so kinda put that one out the running but Bev (shop owner) could get a sample of the JA from a fellow bridal retailer in Perth, Scotland. While in her shop t I tried on a fair few dresses. 1st one looked fab but wasn’t right for the wedding we were having up here in Northern Scotland, it would have been fab for abroad nuptials though. Through ohs, ahs, no’s, maybes I had found two others that were ‘nice’ but there wasn’t that right feeling….so all hope was rested on the JA coming up from Perth in a weeks time, the 14th of April 2011. Now I didn’t want to get my hopes up but when I spied it hanging in the changing room my heart fluttered….it was even better up close than in the pic!. Bearing in mind though the model was prob size 6/8 with bit more height than me I was nervous of it not looking right. My worries melted away as soon as i slipped into it….the sample was two sizes too big but I just didn’t want to take it off…my sister cried, mum was teary & the maids were in awe….’the one’ deposit was paid and the shoes I had bought, before the dress I know bit mad, looked fantastic with it,,,,bonus! So I was measured and happily fitted in the size 10 measurements which delighted me even more. The dress will be home in the next couple of weeks and I am so very excited! It will make it more real that in 6months I will be Mrs MacGregor!
I just stopped looking after April last year, I did have appointments booked with other bridal shops but just phoned and politely cancelled them. My bridesmaid is getting married 8 weeks after me, so I have been with her to pick her ‘one’ and I knew, even only seeing glimpses of dresses on the rails that I would love none of them as much as I love mine.
I guess I was lucky, ended up only in one shop and did not have a mad dress chase on my hands.
So it is all good in this brides hood!
YES JEN! FINALLY! Someone talking sense!
Everyone looked at me in horror when I said I didn’t want to look like a bride – I want to look like a 50s screen siren a la Vivien Leigh/Elizabeth Taylor/Grace Kelly arriving a a film premiere or during a ball scene of a film.
Of course once I started trying on dresses, I fell in love with the UBER BRIDAL DRESS – THE Justin Alexander dress that was EVERYWHERE last year. I knew I could make it more ‘me’ though, so with wary glances from my mum, I’ve added a black waist sash, a tulle one sholder piece that softens it, and a sentimental brooch to the shoulder of my dress. Now when I put it on, I don’t feel like a bride – I feel like I should be sashaying down the staircase in Gone With The Wind – and THAT’S how I wanted my dress to make me feel!
Even if you can’t find THE dress, don’t forget that you can play about and change dresses to make it YOUR dress.
P.S Hi Lynsey – I’m up in Aberdeen and had thought about getting my JA dress from Perth too, but thankfully found it closer to hand!
His dresses are AMAZEBALLS! Mine is so comfy, and light – I might sleep in mine after the wedding (They’re going to have a tough time getting it off me!)
@Colene..we have the same dress…do you have the tea-length too? i think they will have a fair job getting it off me also…i will probably want to wear it on my honeymoon as i LOVE it so much! yes the JA dresses are so beautiful and you are right, they are not as heavy as they may look. will be a perfect dress for dancing the night away in! x
@Lynsey – nope, I’ve got the full length ivory version. Wanted to try the tea length but when I put on the full length one I had an ‘oooooh’ moment!
I know – we counted and there are 16 layers in the skirt!!! Thankfully the sample size 10 fitted me like a glove, and I don’t even need it taken up, as I think my other ‘modifications’ as the fiance keeps calling them are prob going to cost me an arm and a leg!
Little concerned about having to gypsy wedding style kick my way out of our front door, and knocking over small children and animals when I move in it! haha!
@colene haha! i know what you mean,,,even though mine is tea length i will need help going to the loo! i am positive you will look mucho more beautiful than a gypsy bride…no that there is anything wrong with them…just not my cup of T. x
I got engaged Dec 2009 – ordered my dream dress which involved paying half of the total price. Within 4 months we had split up which involved a lot of cancelling of things…and losing the £1250 deposit my mother had paid for the dress. The boutique were absolutely amazing and have said that I basically have a deposit indefinitely for whenever I may need it, I’m not engaged yet but I’m hoping one day soon I’ll actually be able to pick a dress and end up wearing it!
Bit late, but I love this post Jenny!
I knew you’d bought more than one *ahem* dress, but it’s lovely to hear the story behind it! Plus, you looked stunning on your big day, and it’s so lovely to think that Will was there (kind of!!)
xx
i have the mother of all stories when it comes to wedding dress shopping. Too long a story to share on a comment though. But my biggest word of advice, do NOT buy a dress from a bridal boutique where you do not feel comfortable.
The dress shopping and every fitting thereafter should be a pleasurable experience. If you have an ounce of doubt about the shop, no matter how gorgeous the dress is please walk away and do NOT hand over any of your money.
Thankfully I went to Quello in Kenilworth after learning a very big lesson. Claire was lovely, understanding and made my final shopping experience what I wanted it to be – magical.
Although like you Jenny I am yet to sell the wedding dress – Sarah Houston’s beautiful La Mariee. I really ought to sort myself out because I could really do with some money back from my dress purchases.
I am absolutely dreading the dress shopping. 1. Because I don’t wear a lot of dresses. 2. My Mum lives overseas so won’t be able to come with me for a lot of it. 3. I’m a big girl and I’m conscious of the fact that a lot of dress shops may not cater for my size. I’m wondering how long I can, realistically, put the search for a dress off for!!! I, too, have got a long list of things I DON’T want and only a vague idea of what I DO want. This is going to be tricky, I know! But, after reading your post, I don’t feel quite so apprehensive about it. I know I’ll never end up with the 3 and a half dress dilemma, I just don’t have the funds!!!
@Sarah – I, like you, was dreading wedding dress shopping because I am plus size and I couldn’t see myself in a big white frock. My sister persuaded me to give it a go so we booked an appointment at a shop that only sold plus sized dresses. This, I think, is a good idea because they are designed for the fuller figure, not just a bigger version of a dress designed for the slender! They had such an amazing choice and I tried on all sorts of styles. Eventually I walk out in one and my sister burst into tears – job done!
The dresses take about 5 months to arrive after the order has gone in so don’t put it off for too long – and remember, it might even be fun! I had a great experience and I hope you do to x
@Mimi – I had no idea there were dress shops that solely catered for plus size. I shall look into that. I think I would be a lot more comfortable in that situation, knowing that they will have dresses to fit and a little part of me really does want to have the whole “trying on” experience, even if I don’t buy one of their dresses!
Thank you for the words of encouragement!
@Sarah – You should absolutely have the ‘trying on’ experience – I did! I got to try on lots of frocks and stand on the box! I got my dress from http://www.daisylovebridal.co.uk/ and my friend bought the most beautiful dress from http://www.heavenlybodiesbridal.com/. They will put sleeves on and make jackets (most of the dresses are strapless). They are around the £1000 mark – I got mine for slightly less. Have a wonderful time!
Uh oh. Not sure if I’m going to make three dresses, but like Mimi I have got the wobbles and having already bought in full an Ellis dress – it’s very nice and suits me – I’m now having MAJOR wobbles. I’ve contacted a dress maker where I may adapt the one I have or get her to make me a new one – leaning towards the “make me a new one”, but a friend has now told me that Oxfam do wedding dresses! Oh no!! WAY too much choice! I’m usually quite a decisive person, which is why I was so happy that I had bought my dress so early….but I think I was hasty. Oh well, will keep you posted!
A xx
@Audrey – I went by myself to try the dress on again and completely fell in love with it. Wobbles banished, replaced by a big smile.
Breathe, reboot and you will find your way!
@SAM – I May have the dress for you if you want second hand- My Philipa lepley wedding dress has a sweet heart neckline, with chiffon capped sleeves and then this really intricate shimmery material underneath a floaty tulle layer- probs the worse description of the most beautiful dress- Its in the video on her website…
Love love love this post – I got engaged in Barcelona in September and we’re getting married next March. My MoH is possibly more excited than me and the moment we stepped off the plane from Barcelona she got out the magazines and booking in for Thursday night bridal shop sessions. I’d always wanted a tea length dress ‘to be different’ and tried on quite a few, including a gorgeous sweet heart neckline Maggie Sottero one and a selection by designer Lizzie Agnew, who is based in Northern Ireland, but something wasn’t quite right. Since my mum passed away a few years ago, and I felt I needed a second opinion, I brought along my auntie to have a look. She also loved the shorter length dress but we all realised I looked slightly like I was making my 1st Holy Communion as I’m so small (4ft 10 – nightmare!) Back to square one I started looking afresh and have now settled on a stunning Justin dress (number 8595) which has lots of details that make it ‘different’ but I’m panicking I’ll see something else I like better, especially as the buzz is already starting to wear off with this dress and W-day is a year off! Scary biscuits! However I want to order by April and even if I did want to change my mind I’ve already paid £600 to the shop so I’d be very limited in choice (defo couldn’t go somewhere else and loose the deposit – I’ll feel too guilty!).
Can anyone send me the link to Jenny’s wedding? I can’t find it anywhere! Curious to see what lovely dress she ended up with!