This post is inspired by comments on the RMW Facebook page (are you not a member yet? come join in!) and a discussion we held on what you lovelies would like to see posted over the coming months.
More than a few of you mentioned “wedding day nightmares” and by this I mean in the literal sense, as in, you go to bed expecting to enjoy lovely dreams about chiffon and cupcakes and instead wake up in a cold sweat because your sleep was plagued with what I refer to as “The Fear”.
Now, this can be basically anything that you worry about when it comes to the Big Day, from forgetting your fancy underwear to being presented with a wilted bunch of blooms to carry down the aisle.
I used to have a few re-occurring ones, my photographer not being able to make it resulting in my un-artistic father getting snap-happy with the point and click, losing my make-up bag (can you imagine?!) and the worst one of all, that our venue was double booked. We turn up only to find an entirely different wedding party already there and we are duly turned away – unable to get married at all. I used to open my eyes and be unable to breathe after a night of that particular horror.
As with any major event there are so many variables and you are simply unable to preempt the outcome. Unfortunatley I don’t have the answers on worry prevention, what I can tell you is that it’s completely normal to feel completely and utterly out of your control comfort-zone.
However, one thing I would recommend is W-day insurance, we personally didn’t need to claim anything as it happens but for what little it costs, the ability to remove the stress associated with any potential investment loss as a result was totally worth it.
Oh and confirmation. Make sure you have everything confirmed in writing, this may sound obvious but what I mean is ensure your suppliers confirm your wedding date back to you on their correspondence. All it takes is a one teenyy weeny digit to be misread or misheard and on the eve of your perfectly planned soiree your DJ could be sunning himself in Spain basking in the ignorant bliss of his mixing skills not being required until the following weekend…
And you know what? something is bound to go array. Because that’s real life I’m afraid folks. But it will be fine. In fact it will be better than fine, it will be great, and as you radiate that newly-wed glow of together foreverness all those nasty nightmares will seem like a long, distant and pointless memory.
But.
It would be interesting (and I’m sure amusing) to hear what your “fear” has been, so if you’re just sat at your computer this Sunday then why not drop us a comment? Adam and I are working on a few new RMW projects together all day so it would certainly make things more entertaining.
Big Fearless Love
Charlotte xxx
I concur on getting everything in writing – a lesson we learned hard on the day (but more of that later…)
I had a few screaming nightmares in the run-up, but the worst one was all my family and friends were so busy getting themselves ready that nobody would help me get my dress on, no matter how much I begged…. then they all merrily tottered down to the wedding without me, and I ended up stranding my poor groom at the altar because I was still in my dressing gown with no makeup and wet hair!
Px
Its like you’re reading my mind this week – first with the guilt and now with the fear. With less than 4 weeks to go, I am having a whole series of nightmares – recent highlights include the flowers not turning up and me walking down the aisle with stalks but no flowers, the bridesmaid dresses being two tone, skin tight satin that looks like something that could be bought for £10 in my local discount store and last nights was having no makeup on for all the photos!! I am now putting ensuring I have double and triple confirmed with all the suppliers at the top of my to do list for today!!
I’m having a recurring few at the moment. Either I can’t find a dress in time and have to call the whole thing off, I sleep in on the day then run around town trying to find somebody to do my hair and makeup so I can make to my wedding albeit very late but nobody will help, or the worst one so far, everything seems to be going wrong but we eventually get to the church to find that we forgot to notify the registry office and they can’t legally let us marry! Oh they’re horrible and I’ve still got another 10 months of them yet! X
Good morning the pair of you! I’m going through the fear stage right now (slightly odd dream about music last night… we decided to get married at a folk gig as the venue cancelled?!)
I’m still in fairly early stages of planning (12 months and one week to be precise) so I’m all about getting confirmation..on anything, would help!
And trying not to sweat it over ‘the dress’. obviously. Everything seems overwhelming and I’m already stressing about the day and how it will fit together… VERY lucky my fiancé is relaxed when i’m stressed and pro active when I panic. Poor, sweet man!
So, despite the fact I’m frightened it will rain, that my mother will make a scene, that I’ll look dreadful in a last minute purchase, or there’s no food, I can honestly say I’m one happy gal. Typing on my fav blog on a sunday morning, with future hub downstairs making tea. I’ll get thru the fear just fine i think! x
Charlotte, I had the same photographer dream at least 20 times!!! It was so realistic I was actually a tiny bit surprised when he did (of course!!) turn up!
mrs r.now
Morning Lovelies!
@penny – I think that is a common one, the no make-up/wet hair I mean…
@Sandie- You can never confirm too much
@Aime -I’m sure when you get a few things booked you will feel much better about the situation, and you still have plenty of time to find the perfect dress!
@Janey – Adam and I *wave* … it sounds as though you have the ideal set up and I’m sure you will indeed get through just fine.
@mrs r.now – it was my most common one, really weird, and my Dad was almost “pleased” to be given the responsibility of chief camera man!
Happy Sunday Folks
Charlotte xxx
Morning Charlotte and Adam and all the lovelies!
I did have a lot of nightmares just after we got engaged, mainly about forgetting it was wedding day and not having anything ready and shopping for a dress on the way to the wedding. Also that all the guests saw me before I got to the aisle therefore ruining ultimate dress revealing moment!
But I have not had any for a few months, I’m sure they will return nearer the time though.
I dont have any big fears right now, other than perhaps people not having a great time. I also vainly, worry about having a horrible breakout or a cold sore or as normal for me bashing myself a few days before and ending up with purple bruises on my arms (have a rather attractive one right now!)
Hope everyone is having a great sunday!
P.S. Super excited because trying dresses on tomorrow! xx
Morning!
I’m having my dress bespoke made and my recurring dream is that it’s NOTHING like the design we’ve come up with – it has been too short, too tight, too big, too long, too short; everything! And in each dream I’ve tried to politely tell her but I’ve been too nice to actually say anything and just gone ahead with the day!
Also dreamt I got the the bottom of the aisle and my H2B had morphed into someone else – eek!
Then woke up this morning having dreamt that he’d called the wedding off – I think the lesson is not to read rants of jilted brides on wedding forums before bed!
I had the most bizarre dream just after we got engaged and planning was underway….. Mike was really late to the ceremony, then the evening guests turned up just as the reception guests were about to eat and then Mike decided he didn’t need to stay for the evening so b**gered off saying could I say thanks to everyone!
I have a real fear a wedding will be booked for the day before so I won’t be able to get the marquee ready just as I want it, I have no grounds for this fear, there us no wedding booked for the Friday but I cross my fingers so tightly there won’t be!
Alex (84) I get the whole people nor having a good time thing, I worry about that constantly. I need to chill out!xxx
6 weeks to go… I dreamt las night that after the whole ceremony was over I realised that I had been married to the wrong man – a man who looked scarily like my dad. I woke up with a proper sweat on. Read what you like into that!!!
I’m sure I’ll have a few nightmares closer to the time. The funniest one I had was that Cardiff City were in the play off finals (AGAIN) and ALL Mikes family left after the ceremony to watch the game. *the wedding is on a Friday in June so not very likely!
Gawd – I remember having most of these in the run up to our wedding!
The most common one though was that I’d overslept on the morning of the wedding. In my dream I’d wake up at midday and realise I had an hour to get ready. Much like Penny’s dream, no-one would be particularly bothered that it was my wedding day and I ended up walking down the aisle with my hair a mess, make up all wrong and a horrible dress that bore no resemblance to the one I’d bought!! Oh – and sometimes no-one would actuually be in the church. In one dream I turned to my H2B to say ‘where is everyone – didn’t you send the invitations out?’ and he’d say ‘No – I thought you did’!!!
Of course on the actual day itself I woke up at 5am – probably after all the anxiety about sleeping in until midday! x
I keep dreaming that I can’t get to the wedding at all! I’m desperately trying, but something always stops me or I suddenly get transported to somewhere even further away.
Luckily I’m getting ready at our venue so hopefully this won’t happen!
xxxxx
@Alex 84 @Jenny Lane – Lordy don’t worry about people not having a good time lovelies, of course they will, who wouldn’t have a good time at such a lovely event? Only someone really miserable and frankly – who wants to invite those kind of people anyway? I’m sure you won’t!
@FutureMrsW – Jilted brides? No wonder you had nightmares pet! And on the dress front, I’m sure the designer would want you to tell them if it’s not 100% perfect, don’t feel the need to be polite and not voice your concerns – you are paying for a service.
@Liz – That made both Adam and I laugh out loud.
@Abi Lady Ha Ha – is Mike’s family Welsh?! *waves* to fellow Taffy’s …..
@Cathy – I was woken up W-day morning at 5am by my Sister about 2 inches from my face shouting “It’s your WEDDING DAY”, she nearly gave me a heart attack.
@Alex K – I hate those nightmares where you can’t get anywhere, like you are trying to run but can’t? hopefully as you are at the venue it will just be a case of getting down a few stairs and up the ailse in a fab frock!
Charlotte xxx
I’ve had a few of these dreams, all are ridiculous, but feel so real at the time!
My first one is that I arrive at the church, get to the top of the aisle, The Boy turns around and tells me I look awful and he won’t marry me in that outfit… Im usually wearing something that wouldn’t look out of place on Strictly!
The other one starts off so well, The Boy and I have just had te ceremony, but then we turn up at the venue and NOTHING is done – no food cooked, no tables out, no flowers or decorations, and no one to help… so I have to do it all, but because it takes so long, I miss the reception and the first dance! { which is no bad thing, as the band don’t turn up anyway!}
Whatever happens on the day, as long as it’s none of the above, then I’m sure we’ll manage!
xoxo
I had the weirdest dream just last night. I dreamt all my front teeth fell out the week before the wedding leaving horrible stumps. Was desperately trying to find a dentist when I woke up!
@Katie?!! I’m sure it will be just fine!! and you won’t be wearing your chef outfit
However even if you were in an apron come W-day you would still look super glamorous !!!!
@Katherine Oh no, I have had so many losing teeth dreams, not just pre-wedding, it does mean something apparently but not entirely sure what. I also have dreams where all my eyelashes fall out…..horrible. I’m sure your teeth will be just pearly and perfect.
Charlotte xxx
Yes all welsh, all Catholics, all Cardiff born & bred… Dragging them across the bridge for a civil ceremony wedding in a barn in the west country ;o)
I dreamt last night that I turned into such a horrible person with all the stress of planning that my fiancee told me he didn’t want to marry me any more. It was so realistic that I woke up crying!
still have 15 months to go…. I wonder what I’ll dream up next!
My ‘Fear’ consisted of walking up the aisle with wet hair AND badly applied make up (think Aunt Sally from Worzel Gummage).
Oh and dreams of standing at the back of the church trying on different wedding dresses panicking about which one to wear.
The losing teeth dream was a regular one, and of my teeth crumbling at the alter and spitting bits out when trying to say ‘I do’.
Pretty horrendous really!
hey totally unrelated to fear post but when is madam rebecca back? i miss her!! xx
I have danced for years, and I will always have a bad dream before a show, usually involving me forgetting the routine or not having even learnt half of it when I go on stage to perform! I call them my ‘lucky’ bad dreams! So I was expecting bad dreams in the lead up to the wedding, but they were still really unnerving! My most memorably pre-wedding dream:
Despite getting married at 2pm in real life, in dream land I was due to get married at 4pm. By 3pm, I realised that nobody was ready, and we were half an hour from my Mum’s where everybody was supposed to get ready. Whilst trying to round everybody up to go to Mum’s, one of bridesmaids replied “I’ll just pop home then, and then I’ll be round” – I was beside myself with panic, shouting at everyone that they had to be ready…. then I woke up! Phew!
What I wasn’t expecting, was the bad dreams that would follow the wedding. One of them involved Mr S telling me that I had to tell all of his work colleagues that we were “on a break”, and me desperately trying to change his mind, and stressing that we’d only been married for 5 minutes. He told me he didn’t love me any more
I had a second dream where he sent me off to be part of a ‘staged’ marriage for a TV show, whilst he went off and did unmentionables with a far too pretty lady ……
I’m sure a dreams analyst would say it’s a sign of insecurity! Thankfully they stopped after the first week of being newlywed.
S xx
I have had the same dream twice now. It’s that my boss’ PA (who is really lovely but not invited to the wedding) turns up at the reception and sits in my seat at the top table. She will not move for love or money and says that she has to sit there to ‘oversee the venue’. At this point I look around and realise that the venue is not the marquee in the field behing my parents’ house that is booked and sorted, but the school hall from the building that we used to work in – complete with dust, dodgy murals and absolutely no bunting WHATSOEVER. Very strange. I keep on bumping into her in the corridor and I pretend that everything is normal between us, but I know that there’s something awry…!
Arrrgh! I haven’t had any of these dreams for a while, but I’m sure they’ll return when W-day gets closer!
The teeth falling out dream is apparently do do with issues of anxiety, helplessness and loss of control in your real life, so pretty common for brides to be I imagine. Sarah at Bohobride.co.uk did a post on this recently, as she was having awful dreams, poor thing!
On another note relating to Charlotte’s post PLEASE get wedding insurance lovelies! It’s the first thing you should do BEFORE YOU CONFIRM ANYTHING ELSE! It is surprising how many people don’t though!
MrsA-to-be xx
I’ve had a few weird dreams but never anything crazy until last night….In my nightmare, everything was going wrong, we had left my dress at home, my maid of honour was mad to have to go get it for me but did anyway only to leave me after and the dress was wrong, it was purpule with long sleeves and ugly as hell, the photographer was not there and because of the dress incident it pushed the dinner until 8:00 and guests were getting upset and leaving and then all a sudden, the scene changed, I woke up somewhere wandering and not knowing where I was only to realise I had a hospital braclet on my wrist !!! I really hope I never get any other freaky dreams like that..it was so crazy, I just wanted to go back to sleep so the dream could chcnge into something more pleasant……I’m 5 weeks away and sure hope I won’t have any more of these.
I have been having anxiety dreams for the last year and with just over 6 months to go I’ve got a fair few more to look forward to. They’ve become a running joke in our house, my OH has banned wedding magazines and episodes of Bridezilla before bed.
I’ve dreamt about all sorts of things from flowers not turning up to me realising I’m wearing a 20s style nightgown and not my wedding dress just as the bridesmaids are heading down the aisle.
I know they’re just a result of me being the most neurotic person I know so I take them with a pinch of salt
I speak to many of my brides on the morning of their wedding day as they get ready and most are in some way anxious about the days events. Usually worried about the weather, which is the one thing that cannot be planned, so there is no point in having sleepless nights over it. (Brollies look great in photographs!) I have however, photographed weddings that havn’t quite gone according to plan…The wine has not delivered to the venue or has been stolen the night before, the best man has forgetten the rings…oh yes… and on one occasion the registrar forgot to turn up. This weekend the car carrying the bridesmaids broke down on route to the venue. (I recommend you hire a professional wedding car company – if possible, and don’t borrow a friend’s car , but I understand the costs involved- I borrowed a friend’s car on my own wedding day!) The bridal party all arrived safely however at the venue 45 minutes late, alittle shaken but the bride remained calm and looked amazing. The ceremony was beautiful and everyone had a fantatsic day. Bee keepers even arrived to inspect the hives kept outside the chapel as we were taking some groups photographs…it was quite a day! The staff at the venue (Aldenham School) were amazing, re- scheduling everything and orgainising drinks for the guests before the ceremony. Nothing went according to plan but at the end of the day the couple looked so happy and will remember their wedding day forever. That’s what it’s all about. Two people in love getting married.
I have been thinking about Wedding Insurance for our big day & you have just made me go & buy it
The weird thing… I had a really bad anxiety dream that I had broken my arm the day before the wedding & then on the day, I fell down the stairs in my dress (which I’d never trip over as I’m having a short dress!) and broke both legs.
I ended up in the hospital but I still took everything in my stride & we got married anyway.
Just hope I can be so serene on the day itself!
xx
I’ve had quite a few wedding related anxiety dreams and while they’ve all been very stressful, they’ve also been hilariously ridiculous. My favourite so far was one in which I turned up at the church in dress that had a puddle train but came up to my knees at the front. Not too bad, but over the top I was wearing a tatty, bobbly old cardigan & underneath my tartan pyjamas & woolly slippers. My up-do was falling out & when I got to the top of the aisle, my darling groom was too busy playing games on his iPhone to notice! I woke up pretty stressed, but then I told him about it & he thought it was so funny that I eventually saw the funny side too.
Last night however I dreamt we were getting married this Friday, not next September as planned. Now that just wasn’t funny at all!
Relieved to see I’m not the only one! I’ve been suffering so badly and not sure why – think I’m putting too much pressure on myself…
I keep dreaming I’m pulling my teeth out in my sleep and am desperately trying to wake up to stop myself. Also dreamt at least a half dozen times that I’m in my wedding dress, it dawns on me that we’re getting married – but I’ve not planned anything else.
Eight weeks to go – here’s hoping I get some shut-eye soon! xx
No need to fear the day, I know it’s a lot of pressure but try and turn into excitement. It’s only a day, just a very cool fun day with lots of treats you’ve arranged for yourself.
It’s amazing how any hiccups are hidden from the wedding couple, people are still telling me of various mishaps, very badly behaved guests, missing cutlery etc three years later. I didn’t notice a thing and it was a wonderful day, being married feels even better though !
Even if you have no flowers, no make up, no shoes, and you’re sick down your dress it will all be fine, someone will give you their shoes, put make up on you last minute and find flowers from a garden, everyone rallies round and it all adds to the day. It would be pretty boring if everything went exactly to plan.
(this happened to my sister in law as she was car sick on the way to the wedding a few weeks ago and half an hour late. We simply mopped up the sick and no one knew, she’s still lauging about it now and the day was perfect) x
I thought I was doing so well on the fear front. We’ve been planning this thing for nearly 3 years now so the stress has been diluted over time. However, I’m off work ill at the moment and the associated fever has resulted in wedding nightmares!!!! Last night I dreamt that we had to have our wedding now (we still have 3 months to go) – I hadn’t had my dress fittings, we had no flowers, there was no traffic at all so the horsedrawn carriage was early to the ceremony (not actually having a carriage, oh and I’ll already be at the venue :S ) so I arrived when half the guests were still outside. The photographer was nowhere to be found, she (our photographer is a he) turned up part way through the reception, and half the food hadn’t turned up. However, we still had an awesome time, even though everything was going wrong.
Then I had a dream about zombies taking over the world as a little interlude.
Then I dreamt I had gone to the hairdressers to get my hair cut ready for the wedding. But she cut it way too short. As it shaving up the back of my head!!!!! And with only 3 months left to grow it back I was madly trying to clip my hair extensions in to make it look ok!! Lol
I think I’m more scared of going to the hairdressers than anything else! Even the zombies!!
Think my temperature has gone down a bit today so hopefully I am getting better and won’t have any more crazy dreams :S
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