Today’s post is dedicated to my Nana “Wales” – called so because um… she is from Red Dragon country (she has been called that since I could talk and it kind of stuck, she even refers to herself as that now bless)
My Nana met my Grandpa on the bus. Literally. He was the bus driver and she hopped on with her sister Milly and announced something to the effect of “He’s a bit of alright”…. and the rest as they say is history.
My Grandpa passed away over twenty years ago and my Nana has been on her own ever since. That’s an awful long time to be by yourself isn’t it? When I think of people who are lonely it makes me incredibly sad, do you ever get that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see someone sat on their own in a restaurant or looking lost at a party? There is usually some perfectly reasonable explanation I bet but still, I can’t help feel that slightly hollow nagging sensation that there is something I should do, and how lucky I am to have such a great support network of family and friends.
This week my Nana was diagnosed with skin cancer. They have cut a substantial piece away from her lovely smiley face but it seems as though it is too late. And she is frail. And old. And frankly not interested in receiving any treatment that may make her too sick to function.
I should make the effort to see my Nana more.
I should have always made the effort to see my Nana more.
I know she is often lonely. And I know even two decades on she misses my Grandpa like you would miss water. Or laughter. Or breathing.
I wish I could take the cancer away. And I wish I could turn back time so I could make visits more frequent and take some of that loneliness away.
Of course I can’t do either, but I can make changes going forward and ensure I make as much time as possible for those people who matter most.
So folks, if you’ve not got any plans today maybe go see someone you haven’t for a while. It will probably make their week.
Big Family Love
Charlotte xxx
Oh Charlotte that made me feel so sad for your Nanna. I cannot imagine the sense of loss of losing ones life partner, it must be like losing half of your body( hence. ‘my other half’).
Lots of love to Nanna(and of course you and your whole family).
Really sorry to hear that Charlotte. Big hugs coming your way. My MOH and longest ever friend was diagnosed with breast cancer this week and I’m still in shock, were only 28
Hopefully it’s been caught early enough but as you say, it brings it all home, and we’ve got a fight on our hands.
you just made me cry.
Sorry to hear about your Nana.
I wish i could see my family more.
This post really tugged at my heart strings, I can’t imagine not having Mr H lieing next to me every morning when I wake up. He is the one who shares my tears whether they be for happiness or grief.
Don’t be too hard on yourself for not seeing your Nana Wales more, I am sure as much as she loves seeing you she smiles when she thinks of how her grandaughter has grown into such an amazing woman and she is very proud of your accomplishments that keep you so busy.
I am a fellow welsh red dragon, I am not too sure which area of Wales your Nanna lives in but I am about 10 miles outside of Cardiff if there is ever anything I can do please send me an email, your blog has helped me so much with our wedding planning I would be happy knowing I have helped you back in some way x
bleugh this made me well up – not a good look for a Sunday morning, all wet eyed at the computer. I’m off to see my Nan this afternoon (I wasn’t initially planning to but I wasn’t initially planning to do anything else either!) xx
Morning lovelies
Thanks for all of your kind wishes, @helenhtobe that’s very sweet of you pet, she is in Rogerstone (Gwent?) so not too far, next time I am there we should meet up for a cup of tea
@Ashleigh – Yay for visiting Nan’s!
Charlotte xxx
Would love to meet for a cuppa Charlotte, let me know when you are down. Your Nan is only 20 minutes away from me so if there is ever anything I can do be sure to drop me an email. Look after your self, lots of hugs xx
Hi Charlotte
Am so sorry to hear about your Nan. I’m also a Red Dragon – grew up in Rogerstone and my Dad now lives in Bassaleg (5 mins away). If there’s anything we can do, just holler.
I get the same feeling as you do seeing people on their own; quite often I find myself welling up.
Sending you, your Nan and the rest of your family love and best wishes.
xoxo
Big love to Nana Wales.
I don’t doubt that she misses your Grandpa like crazy but I also don’t doubt that it’ll be that way forever. They’ll meet again one day and although it’ll be difficult for everyone who is left behind, for them it will be like going home.
Chin up lovely! x
Aw, Charlotte. Big hugs to you my lovely.
Lost my Grandma this April, but I feel like we lost her 3 years ago when my Grandad passed away.
It’ll be very odd not having them there on w-day, but we’re planning lots of ways to bring the memories of them (and Mr A’s grandparents) into the celebrations.
Your Nana Wales sounds like a star!
MrsA-to-be xxx
Awww Charlotte, so sorry to hear about your Nana.
I lost my Nanna when I was 17, she was diagnosed with lung cancer, we had six weeks with her until she passed away. She never recovered really from the death of my pops 7 years before.
It’s so hard, but you can’t regret the past. Just focus on the now and make the most of the time you do have with her. I’m sure she is immensly proud of you and wants you to live your life.
On my wedding day I’ll be carrying a locket with a picture of my grandparents in it, attached to my bouquet. They will be there in spirit.
Sending you, your family and your nana massive hugs and best wishes.
Remember we are all here for you.
xxxxxxx
That’s such sad news. Hope you and your family are doing okay and I hope the strength that has obviously kept her going the last 20 years is echoed in the rest of you.
I’m off to phone me mum!
x
Aww Charlotte, such sad news. My Nana’s husband died six months before I was born, twenty seven years ago and she is now 93-once again, like you I often marvel at how long she has been without him. I’m sure not a day goes by without her thikning about him.
So sorry to hear about your Nana’s cancer. I have guilt about not seeing family as much as I can as I moved three years ago with my husband’s job. However, she’ll even appreciate little notecards and phonecalls too. I’m sure you’ll be with her, enjoying every moment you have left together.
Thoughts are with you,
Lavender
big love to Nana Wales. My granny taylor had a similar story. But other granny gray is still living on and we all should make more time for the older generation.
Especially as i can ogle over my gran’s amazing vintage teacups!
hope you’re ok lassie x
Wishing your nana all the best and you and your family lots of love.
I struggle at times at work when patients tell me their stories of how their loved ones died many many years ago, and they have spent most of their retirement (if not more) alone. More so the ones who are relatively matter of fact because I guess it’s the only way they deal with it. Even worse seeing peoples loved ones when they have sadly just passed away. When they are crippled with grief, it takes your breath away even thinking for a minute what they must be feeling and I often go home for a massive hug.
It is my biggest fear something going wrong and interrupting our time together…it’s why I try to make every day count now. And seeing a lot of sad things frequently does make you so grateful for what you have.
Wow I sound really morbid, I will try and end on a positive note. I think that she has a fab grandaughter who she will be incredibly proud of and again wish her lots of luck and strength. xx
All the best to you and your family, Charlotte. Don’t worry, Alex, I have “paradise syndrome” too, thinking that my hubby won’t come home from work, etc etc etc. It’s normal, I’m told!
My Dad died when I was 17, leaving my Mum a widow aged 50. She’s never met anyone else, and doesn’t seem to be able to. I need to make her realise she’s never alone. Easier said than done.
Hi Charlotte, sorry to hear about your Nana’s bad news. I’ve often thought about all the people, particularly the older generation who left home when they got married and have never lived alone until their twilight years when they lose a loved one. It must be such a lonely time. It’s two years this weekend since I lost my Nana to cancer, my husband and son walked up Snowdon yesterday to raise money for Cancer Research, my son’s only just turned 11 and such a dot but his determination to do it has made me so proud and I’ve held it together until I read your post, I’ve lost it completely now and am in floods of tears for you and your Nana. Make the most of every ‘Nana hug’ and take care x
I don’t read as often now (married 14 months ago, separated 3 months ago) but just wanted to comment on this post and say you are so right Charlotte. My mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer almost exactly a year ago, and nothing in my whole world has been the same since (hence probably why my marriage is failing). My motto nowadays is ‘appreciate what you have NOW’ whatever that might be, because one day you may not have it any more.
Lots of love to you and your lovely Welsh Nana, how lucky she is to have your families love and support quietly carrying her through life xx
Dear Charlotte,
I’m an avid reader RMW, twice daily sometimes more and I’m not even engaged! I just love all things weddings, and your site makes me smile and gives me so much inspiration. I never leave comments on any of the stories but after reading your post I feel like the time is to do so.
I’m also a red dragon and now live in Leeds, I lost my nan a year last February, and was devastated that I couldn’t get back to say goodbye and regret not seeing my nan as often as i used to since moving to Leeds. I have so many wonderful memories of my nan and all my grandparents and I know that they were all proud of me and always understood I couldn’t always be there and knew how much I love them. (I have a rose tattooed on each wrist in memory of my grandparents, and I carry them in my heart everyday) I know it is so hard but please never regret not seeing your nan as often as you’d of hoped, I am sure she is so very proud of you and everything you do and loves you dearly.
All my love and thoughts to you and your family xxx
Gosh this just made me cry!
I have been known to invite old men who are sat by themselves in restaurants to eat with me! I also remember actually crying proper tears when I was stood behind an elderly man at the supermarket checkout whilst he packed his microwave meals for one
I have my Nannie who has been alone now for 11 years and sometimes I forget how lonely she must be. My other grandparents still have each other but I think one would literally die of a broken heart if something happened to the other!
My grandad died of cancer 11 years ago and now as I plan my wedding and think how much he would have loved being a part of it, it makes me appreciate the ones I still have so much more.
Please pass on love and best wishes from the RMW readers to your nan and you!! xx
Wow this just made me sit and sob like a child, really struck a chord as my Grandpa is dying of cancer (lung, bladder, kidney… everywhere cancer). He lost my Gramary 7 years ago, and I know he’s been lonely. He lives in Lincoln, I live in London and I work 6 days a week so I struggle to see him. Recently though I took a week and went to spend it with him. Truly, I think we have to accept that life often gets in the way, and we can’t blame or hate ourselves for it. But when we can make time it is worth it. I’m so glad I had that week now, as he’s deteriorating and becoming less and less of himself. It’s heart-breaking.
Charlotte, I’m sure your Nana is so amazingly proud of you, and I’m sure she knows how much you love her. Sending love to you and her and all your family at a difficult time xxxxxxxx
Big hugs Charlotte – I think you can tell that the RMW community has a lot of love they are sending your way.
I would have loved having my grandparents at my wedding but I think of them often and although I am sure I could have made the effort to see them more when they were alive, I know they were proud of me and they knew how much I loved them.
A quick phone call or letter doesn’t take any time at all but when my Nana passed away I found she had kept every single one I had ever sent to her.
Hi Charlotte,
So sorry to hear about your Nana Wales. She must be very proud of who you are and what you have achieved though, as you obviously are of her.
It has been over three years since I lost my Nan – she was one of my best friends and I still miss her terribly. She told me so many stories about the war, her childhood and her early days with my Pops that I wish I had written them down to pass them one day should I have kids. My advice is to rip open the Tunnocks tea cakes, boil the kettle and settle down to a weekend of gossip with your Nana and fill the rest of your time together with even more happy memories.
Big supportive love and hugs
xxxxx
I read your post yesterday morning but I got so upset I had to stop and close the site – I have now returned to it to finish it off.
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer the day I returned to work following our wedding. I had known that something wasn’t right for about a year, he had been going repeatedly to the Dr’s with a cough but they just turned him away. Whilst we were away on honeymoon they sent him for a CT scan and unfortunately the news was worse than bad, they gave him 3-6 months left. He was a fit, healthy man, only 66 and had retired a year ago (when he first started going to the Dr’s). The day of the wedding he was on strong pain killers but now when I look at the pictures I can see the pain in his eyes, which he didn’t once complain about.
I am Welsh and have lived in London for the past 8 years, now more than ever the M4 seems like the longest road in the world and also find it difficult not being there with him and mum. I’ve just come back from a weekend with them, it is so hard to see how thin and frail he has become in a matter of weeks. My mum has been a rock through it all but I am really worried what will happen to her afterwards, they still live in our large family home and I’m not sure that she could cope with continuing to live there alone.
I wish your gran all the best with her treatment and I hope that you can get to see here soon – after all Wales is such a beautiful place to visit, even if unfortunately the circumstances aren’t the best.
V xox
I couldn’t post when this came up as I was just too sad reading of all the sorrow everyone here is having to deal with.. it is so so hard when someone you love is told they are severely ill. This post made me think of my Nannie, who died almost exactly two years ago last week from cancer of the oesophagus. She lived with us for 13 years so was like a second mum to me. I’m getting married on Saturday and all I can think of is not having her there, not hearing her lovely Irish voice singing the hymns that she loved. I would give anything to have her back, not even for the day, just to tell her how much I miss her and love her, although I’m sure she knows.
I wish your Gran all the best for a speedy recovery, and for all those who are also worried about someone ill or desperately missing someone who is gone at least we are in this together. xxxxxxx
sorry to hear about your nana
sending love and hugs xx
So sorry to hear that Charlotte. I hope you are OK xxxxx
A really lovely post and soooo true – it is good to be ‘pulled up’ by reality sometimes especially when we have time to change our ways.
My friend’s Mum was diagnosed with cancer recently and this has made me re-evaluate how I treat people, especially my close family and my own wee Mum.
I hope you are ok and know that your Nana would prefer you to be out living your life and will be sooo proud of your success on here so don’t beat yourself up we are all only human and hindsight is a fabulous thing xx
Charlotte,
I’m so sorry to hear the news about your Nana. It’s so unfortunate that it’s events like this which make us review our actions, and cause regret.
I lost my Dad 2 years ago. He had Emphysema, and was taken into hospital on New Year’s Day with a chest infection. Four days later, he took a turn for the worse and passed away in the early hours.
My Dad and I had a challenging relationship – he was a moody old so-and-so at times, and I was very protective of my Mum, who was often hurt by his attitude. However, I longed to be a ‘Daddy’s Girl’ like many of my friends, but it wasn’t to be. I was still devastated when he died, and had all those feelings that you are now going through about not spending more quality time with him. The most difficult thing for me to bear is the memory of when I visited him on his final morning, he was really struggling, and I was trying to help him to settle. The staff at the hospital told me I had to leave him to rest at the end of visiting, even though he really wanted me to stay. Even as I write this, tears prick my eyes remembering how he needed me in those final few hours, and how I wasn’t there for him as his condition worsened, and how scared he must have felt.
We were all there when he passed away – I can only hope that he knew I was there, and despite our previous bumpy relationship, I was there for him when it mattered most, and held his hand as he slipped away.
Sorry for the outpouring, but sometimes it helps to write it down and get it out of my system again for a little while. What I am trying to say, is to leave the “if only’s” behind, and concentrate on the here and now, make the most of it, and be there when it matters most. Your Nana will not resent you for your past absences, just strive to enjoy every moment you have with her now.
Sarah xxx
Charlotte I’m sorry about your nana, sending lots of love your way.
My father in law was buried today, he died last week from lung cancer and I hadn’t seen him for nearly a year, so I know what you mean about turning back time and making more frequent visits and making that effort
Oh Charlotte! I’m so sorry to hear about your Nana. My Great Aunty Liv lost her husband 5 years ago after being married for nearly 50 – I sometimes hear her talking to him and calling out to him to come home (she’s very deaf and I don’t think she knows she’s doing it out loud). It’s so unbelievably sad, but she also has an amazing faith and knows she will see him again. I suppose we are just passing through this world, but luckily we get to meet such wonderful people along the way.
By the way, I live in Rogerstone too (in The Uplands)! What a small world – would you like me to deliver some flowers to her?
xx
Charlotte I’m so very sorry to hear about your Nana. I read this post a couple of days ago and it really upset me as I have just lost my dad to cancer 4 weeks ago, and couldn’t face writing straight away.
It was a complete shock as it happened so fast, dad was diagnosed in April and passed away in July, my parents decided not to tell me how ill he was as I was heavily pregnant and they didn’t want to worry me, just goes to show how much he loved me and his unborn grandchild not to burden me with his illness but at the same time I wish I had known. I wish I could have gone over to see him earlier (they live in Brussels which is why I was unable to go when pregnant), spoken to him more, told him all the things I wanted to say…all the things you regret after they are gone. It was only 4 weeks after Isabella was born that I was able to go over to see him but by that point he was very weak and I could barely have a conversation with him, I did manage to tell him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him the day before he died but I will always feel sad that I wasn’t able to see him the week before when he was still able to talk. I was so proud to have him walk me down the aisle last year and he was so excited about being a grandfather. The only consolation is that he was able to see and touch his granddaughter before he passed away, I know how much she meant to him and I will make sure she knows all about him, it kills me that he won’t see her grow up.
Whilst losing your dad is terrible I feel so sad for my mum as they had just celebrated their 41st anniversary and she is lost without him, I can’t imagine how she must be feeling, thankfully she has a good network of friends in Brussels but it doesn’t help on those lonely nights. Mum is coming over soon for two weeks and at least little Isabella is a wonderful distraction for both of us as we grieve.
So I guess what I’m trying to say and what I’m sure you’ll be doing, is spend as much time with your Nana as you can and cherish the time you have together, I know I wish I had had more time with dad, I even rang his mobile recently just to hear his voice on his voicemail.
Wishing you lots of strength during this sad time, hugs xxx