RMW Real Bride Diary {Emma & Dean: The Stress}

Hello you lovely lot, I’ve talked a lot about wedding pretty on these pages. That’s my job as Real Bride, right? It’s also my job to truly keep it real. With that in mind, I thought it was time to move the pretty talk aside for a weekend and pay homage to some of the more difficult stuff. Wedding planning stress. Something I slightly alluded to in my last post. It’s a hard post to write because planning the day you will marry the love of your life should be pretty idyllic, right? And of course, for the most part, it is utterly incredible. But it is also one of the most emotionally invested days that you will ever be part of (child birth aside, I imagine, but let’s worry about that another time). Wedding planning has taught me that when emotions are at the centre of just one day, you are always going to experience stress along the way too. You will upset people with some of the decisions you make, even when your intentions are good, and sometimes the actions of others in relation to your big day will upset you. It can come in many different shapes and forms, most of which you would never have imagined would have affected you before you started wedding planning. Often the stress can revolve around opinions. You set out waving the ‘your day your way’ banner high. You have plans and you are going to stick them. And then other people’s opinions get in the way. Sometimes they give you another perspective that you haven’t thought of, and you happily head off in a new direction armed with their help and advice. But sometimes their thoughts conflict directly with what you wanted and hoped for. I think most people who have come up against this have had at least one serious ‘I wish we’d eloped’ moment. Ours came when we had to do a U-turn on a decision that was a pretty big deal to us. The first decision we made about the day, actually. I know that talking about this might not seem in the tone of RMW, given their mantra, but bear with me. You see, it got to the point where the stress of holding on to this one thing really put a strain on me and some of those that I love the most. I’m anxious by nature anyway, and questioning something about how we had envisaged our day really affected my feelings towards the wedding planning process, and the day itself. That in turn made it very difficult for Dean and I. No one wants to see that their fiancé is less the blushing bride to be, and more of a mopey, sulky, weepy stress-head. And it affected everyone else involved in a similar way too, I imagine. It sounds dramatic, and I won’t go into detail about what the issue itself was, no-one needs me to air my wedding bloomers in public, but these things happen in various shapes and forms for many bride and grooms-to-be. The realisation that something you both want for your day isn't going to work because of the upset it is causing, is horrible. It hangs heavy on your mind and your plans. But how can I give up on something that meant so much to us, and still claim to be having our day our way? Well in many circumstances I would be the first person to say that you should fight tooth and nail to have every single last element of your day exactly as you want it. But for us, it got to the stage where letting go was the only thing to do to stop the stress. For everyone involved. And that was more important to us. Some people might still think that is the wrong decision and that we should have stuck to our guns. And I will confess that at the time it felt like we had failed at having our day our way. So I was really relieved when someone very helpfully reminded me why it was ok to let it go; the most important thing was the two of us having the best day of our lives to mark the start of our new lives together. When it comes down to it, the thing we were letting go of will have absolutely no bearing on that. If conflict comes when it is just people casting their personal opinions around - then certainly, I wouldn’t waiver either. But if there's more at stake and you feel it's better for you and your Mr. to change course, then let it go. I’m pretty stubborn by nature, so it was a particularly tough decision. I found the best way for me to get through wedding stress episodes – of any kind - was to start focusing on the future. Not just the wedding, but beyond that. In my case, this might have involved the slightly premature house hunting that I mentioned in a previous post, but it helped. Others might find that focusing your mind on honeymoon plans helps just as much (I probably would have done too, if it wasn’t the first thing we planned...we are ALL about the holiday adventures). Whatever it is, find something to distract you. I don't promise it'll make the stress go away, but it might help with some perspective. The problem with wedding stress is that it can have the tendency to bubble up into something bigger and come between you and your partner. There were some wobbly moments when I thought that it might for us. But actually it made us much stronger when we shared the stress and talked about it (something I might not be particularly good out but have made a promise to get better at). Above all else, whatever wedding stress might present itself, big or small, use it to cement your position as a team. Whatever decisions you make, make them together, and own them together. And remember what awaits you at the end of this all; forever with your forever. Sorry for the outpouring, but I hoped it would help others that might be experiencing the same, so do share your wedding stress stories (or just virtual hugs) in the comments box below. Meanwhile, I will be back in a couple of weeks with much more light-hearted wedding chat (I only have three more posts to share with you guys before the big day – EEEK)!! Lots of wedding love, Emma {Year of the Yes}