Charlotte: You know how the majority of the population have some weird quirk or phobia or whatever? (every inch of me at this point is hoping and praying that a lot of you are waving your hands about saying yes! me! me!)….well mine is hair. As in hair on your body anywhere. On your bonce, your brows and your lash line absolutely fine (in most cases the more the better in those areas) but everywhere else? nope, nada, not-if-I-can-help-it-thank-you-very-much.
I couldn’t tell you what my under arm hair looks like because I’ve never seen it. As soon as I hit my mid-teens I was like the Boudicca of the Bic, a modern day warrior hosting a private daily war against my unyielding follicles – the razor being my ultimate weapon of choice.
Thank God I am naturally fair.
And it hasn’t ever changed. Every shower out comes the four-blade and the Waitrose vegetable soap (I’ve tried everything and this gives the best glide/silky results I’ve found), so practiced am I that I swear I can do a total body overhaul in under sixty seconds. I reckon I could even achieve 100% (and nick-free) smoothness blind-folded if the situation ever arose.
Now then, I missed out one teeny weeny detail (look away now as this may be frankly TMI*)…..
Apart from a small and very neat razored landing strip my entire bikini area gets waxed. All of it. Always have done, ever since I was seventeen and one of my best girls (she of dragon tattoo fame as it happens) told me about “Michelle”.
Michelle is known around the city of Birmingham as the Queen Bee of the Brazillian, the heroine of the full-on Hollywood. I am not about to tell you big fibs and say it doesn’t hurt (it ruddy does) but it’s over quickly and once you’ve had it done a few times, at least in my case, you just grit your teeth and bear it.
When I first met Michelle her first words to me were “I take no prisoners” (she wasn’t flippin’ lying) and after the initial embarrassment of having your legs akimbo in front of some stranger whilst sporting a pair of paper panties, I can vouch for the fact it is definitely worth it.
My only issue is the weeks in-between where it has to grow back….*shudders*….but at least the hair becomes gradually finer and lasts a hell of a lot longer than the stubble-inducing effects of anything by Gilette would have down there.
Jenny: I’m not much of a hair removal expert. I had two experiences of a bikini line wax, and vowed I would never put myself through it again. In fact, having given birth, I would go as far to say that I would take giving birth over a bikini wax any day!
When I lived with my best friend Emma, I was introduced one morning to a sound coming from the kitchen that only caused me to be curious, and find out what it was. What I found, was her standing at the sink, with her leg cocked up on the draining board, and she was epilating her legs. This didn’t seem at all odd to me, the kitchen is an obvious place to defuzz, right? What did seem odd is that she didn’t flinch an eyelid whilst doing said defuzzing. I let her try it on me, and I still remember the pain even now, 7 years down the line. Just something you need to get used to, she told me. Yeah ok, I think I will stick to my shaving routine ta very much.
My pre-wedding hair removal was not as planned. I had organised to have my friend Donna round – who runs a very successful beauty therapy business and always gives the most awesome mani/pedis, to give me the waxing of my life. Head to toe (literally, who likes hairy toes? not a good look!). What actually happened was I found out I was pregnant with William 7 weeks before the wedding, and ladies if you have been pregnant before you will be able to relate to this, my hair growth went crazy. I would shave my legs in the morning, and by that very evening I would be so stubbly I would cause friction burns if I accidentally rubbed my legs together.
So faced with the waxing/would rather give birth dilemma I couldn’t face the pain and wussed out. So I tried the hair removal creams, what a load of old cack they were, perhaps I didn’t leave them on long enough but I didn’t get the smooth defuzzed skin the instructions promised. I think with hair removal, the only way is pain. If it doesn’t hurt, you’re going to be a hairy mary. That’s just the way it is. So I stocked up on the best lady razors I could find, and kept on top of the fuzz daily. Epilation is torture, as is waxing, that’s my conclusion!
Naomi: I always used to think I was a bit hairy. But that was in comparison to the ‘boys’ I was dating. Then… I got me a man.
Gavin is all kinds of hairy. In fact we joke about his hairiness quite often. I call him things like ‘monkey’ and ‘Sancho’ (because he looks like a hairy Mexican). I love it. It’s very ggrrr arrgg.
But on me? Not so much.
In comparison to Gavin I am as bald as Matt Lucas. However, I expect Gavin to partake in a bit of manscaping to keep things neat so it’s only fair I do the same.
Truth be told… I hate having any hair anywhere but my head. Being in eternal sunshine for the last 10 months with the pins out everyday certainly does wonders for the ladyscaping routine. I shave my legs and underarms constantly. I pluck or wax my eyebrows… more often than not pluck as I hate having to ‘grow’. And as for the bikini issue… I used to get a Brazilian religiously because I had the best Wax Lady in Edinburgh. But then she got up the duff and gave birth right before my wedding (how rude!) so I had to find someone else.
I went to this dodgy salon with the coolest girl who told me all the sordid tales of being a Wax Lady. People prepping for swingers parties, men who wanted to watch. etc. Then, when she was down there she said “Why not take the whole lot off?” So I thought, nice wedding night surprise, go on then! Now let me be clear, at first I thought having it all off was a bit prepubescent for my likings, but once I did it, I instantly felt sexy. And that’s exactly what I’ll do when I find a decent Wax Lady in Perth. Which I’ve yet to find… and I’m spending a clean fortune on razor blades.
And for anyone who’s yet to wax… It hurts. It’s true. But the results are so worth the mere seconds of pain. (Says she who couldn’t pluck up the courage to get her underarms waxed before wedding day, even after this post). As for the pain stakes however… nothing beats you crazy lot who like to epilate! I mean Holy Batman that sh*t hurts. Fair play to anyone who can endure said torture. However, I once knew a girl who liked to epliate her van doot… the actual whole thing. *Shudders*. Why would you do that?!
Vix: I have to say I’m a shaver always have been and always will be, I’m not going to lie – I find it a complete pain and my pet hate is stubbly legs, but it’s the only thing I can do without coming out in a rash and even shaving does that to my skin sometimes! It’s so awkward having sensitive skin I have given up the search of finding a different method to save disappointment.
I have only once braved the dreaded wax, it was the worst bodily experience I have put myself through, I don’t know why but for this first experience I booked a bikini wax – what a duurrrr brain!!! Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees I have never felt pain like it, then came the allergic reaction – (I will save you the detail don’t worry) let’s just say I will never do it again, my razor is my best shower friend and I would definitely take one to my desert island as my luxury item (oh and my Max Factor False Lash Effect obviously!!)
I have tried hair removing cream, not sure if its just me being impatient but it just doesn’t get rid of all the hair and I get bored far to easily so I can’t be bothered to wait around for it to work.
So I find that a mix of pinching Malc’s Mac 3 (men’s razors are sooo much better that women’s don’t you think?) works best for me (by the way I do buy my own blades but sometimes use his foam) – what he doesn’t know wont hurt him anyway! ha ha ha!
So for our wedding (35 weeks to go!) I will be having a mass hair removing session on the morning, probably be in the shower for an hour getting every last one… then I’ll buff then do it again so I’m a proper smoothie-legged gal. Then, its razors again all the way for the H-moon.
Charlotte: So lovelies, do share your removal tricks with us and as it’s Monday morning what better time to have a laugh – please feel free to share your hair horror stories too (!) and of course what methods you have planned for W-day/the Moon.
Big Silky Love
Charlotte, Jenny, Naomi and Vix xxx
*TMI – Too much information…