*Afternoon lovelies! hope you are well and enjoying the sunshine (seriously what was that rain about yesterday?!). I’m going to introduce you today to Anne (or Annie if she happens to feel like it), regular RMW-er, freelance journalist and the commenter that led to Naomi’s very popular “Sometimes The Road Gets A little Bumpy” post. Anne sent me this as more of a bit of advice to our ilove@rockmywedding address…but I thought it was worthy of its very own afternoon slot. Please feel free to leave Anne some feedback, we would love you to join the debate.
Admitting you’re wrong? Not the easiest thing in the world. So much simpler to just keep burying your head in the sand. Or, in my case, to keep on planning to cover my head in accessories I didn’t even like.
Until I remembered reading on RMW that you should LOVE everything to do with your wedding. Not just like it, not just think it’s nice, but absolutely love it.
And when you spend hours browsing the net for the pieces you’d buy if you started again from scratch now… you don’t love it. When you take your wedding jewellery out every couple of weeks and try to convince yourself that you actually do like it… you really don’t love it.
There’s nothing wrong with my jewellery. It’s beautiful. But it’s not me, and it doesn’t all belong in the same outfit. I don’t even like my bag, for crying out loud.
Buying my dress was like falling into a giant vat full of sparkly jewellery. People didn’t so much dress me as decorate me. I HAD to add a sash, they said. My dress NEEDED a statement necklace. Overwhelming? Just a bit.
I ended up making an appointment to go back a few days later, just to spend some time in front of the mirror wearing my dress and nothing but my dress. I realised I didn’t want to wrap anything round it or stick anything onto it. As Coco Chanel said, less is definitely more.
Shame I forgot Coco’s philosophy when it came to my accessories. I got carried away and bought some pieces in haste simply because I had a discount code. They arrived and they were… fine. There was nothing wrong with them.
So instead of sending them back, I dismissed my concerns, told myself I loved them and kept on telling myself that.
Not only had I got carried away with the sparkle, I also fell into the trap of thinking I needed to wear new, different things rather than anything I wore every day because, well, those were the rules, weren’t they?
My fiance bought me a beautiful, delicate diamond necklace our first Christmas together. I wear it all the time, so I presumed I wouldn’t wear it on my wedding day. Never mind the fact that it has more sentimental value than any new necklace I could possibly buy. Never mind how strange and sad I felt about the prospect of leaving it behind when I got married.
Post-epiphany, I know I’m going to wear that necklace. And I had a good rummage in my old bedroom at my parents’ house and found a string of pearls a family friend gave me years ago, which I’m having restrung into a bracelet.
I’ve bought a new bag – a steal from ebay. And I am buying one new statement piece: a sparkly headband, one I actually love and which suits me and my dress.
Selling the first load of accessories should make back enough to cover the new headband, bag and the cost of having my pearls restrung, so at least I won’t be any more out of pocket, but I won’t make back the full price.
So, in the interest of stopping any other brides from making the same mistakes I did, here’s what I’ve learned about putting your w-day outfit together.
- Coco Chanel wasn’t kidding when she said that less is always more. Tempting as it may be to cover yourself in an abundance of bridal candy, consider sticking to just one statement piece. There’s only so many focal points one outfit can take.
- Don’t assume you’re somehow obliged to buy something new just because it’s your wedding – look in your own jewellery box before going shopping. Is there anything you’d like to wear on your wedding day? Could you give any old jewellery a new lease of life by having it re-set or restrung?
- Don’t rush into buying anything, or make a purchase simply to take advantage of a discount code. I wish I’d taken more time to look at pictures of real brides and consider why I liked their overall look, rather than just eyeing up individual pieces. Turned out my favourite real bride was wearing a couple of vintage dress clips from a market and some borrowed costume jewellery – hardly bank-breaking, but she looked utterly fabulous.
- Trust your instincts. However informed a person’s opinion, and however forceful their delivery, they can still be wrong about what you should or should not wear.
Love
Anne x
Sound advice that I shall certainly be following! I tend to panic buy just to get it all in one go and not have to think about it again. I usually live to regret this hasty decision and leave half my accessories in the box!
I’m having a similar sort of “less is more” epiphany about my wedding band.
I have a gorgeous solitaire marquise diamond engagement ring which I love and adore. I am not a glitzy person. That one diamond is as sparkly as it gets for me.
So I never even considered a diamond wedding band. Until everyone told me I HAD to have one, plain is (and I quote) “boring” and I’d regret it. So I have tried on loads of sparkly ones and for a while convinced myself that I could be a bling girl.
But then over the past few weeks I have had a rethink. I have realised that my favourite piece of jewellery is a wooden bangle the H2B bought me in a market in Zambia. I literally wear it everyday. And I don’t feel I am less “dressed” than those draped in diamonds.
So a plain platinum band it is for me. Simple but still a perfect symbol of our relationship and the commitment we are making.
And I love it. Diamonds are beautiful and really suit some people but I am just not in that category. I am so glad I came to my senses before I made a costly mistake!
xox
Love the advice. I found the dress this week
and I suddenly feel this overwhelming urge that I have to sort all of my accessories out instantly. When I don’t, I still have plenty of time. However I’m still stuck with my hair accessories. I was wondering if any of you lovely ladies who have already walked down the aisle, or had the same dilemmas can help. My question is whether to have a comb or headband? Does it come down to preference? Does one style lend itself better to hair up or hair down? Or perhaps some go better with a veil and others not? I think my hair accessory will be my statement piece so I want to get it right. Any thoughts appreciated x
Great advice. More Anne please!
I’d say not to neglect the jewellery boxes of your nearest and dearest as well- I wound a pearl necklace of my Mum’s around my wrist as jewellery, and filched a pair of pearl stud earrings from my Nannie. My necklace was a gift from my husband on my birthday 10 days before my wedding to replace one he’d bought me for our first year together that shattered in a sauna. (Trust me, do NOT wear opals in saunas) The new one is harder wearing turquoise, and was a little pool of colour at my throat, simple and bright. I wear it everyday.
I have to admit, I missed the boat when it came to sparkly things- if it isn’t bought for me, I won’t get it. Maybe I am missing out, but it just wouldn’t be me to wear something new over something loved, something chosen by someone who loves me. xxxx
I’m not a jewellery person really, I love my engagement ring but that’s the only thing I ever wear. I did have a wobble that I should have some earrings or something for my wedding day but realised it wouldn’t be very “me” so what would be the point. Although I love the headpieces etc I would feel a bit like I was dressing up if I wore one myself!
I have bought a headpiece that is gorgeous…but looks ridiculous on my small head (!) thanks for the advice, think I will return it
I have not bought any accessories yet and can’t seem to make up my mind, think half the problem is there is so much choice out there. I am going to look into having some family pearls restrung though as I know my Grandma would love it if I wore some of her things. X
Thanks so much for the comments so far, folks. Since I wrote this, I’ve somehow managed to sell my original headpiece on ebay for just £19 less than I paid for it (I’d bought it at 25% off) which was a pleasant surprise as I wasn’t expecting to get that much back.
@Lynsey-Loo – I have learned to be very wary of advice that starts with “You HAVE to…” The fact is that we are all different and we all have different tastes. Hooray that you’ve realised what you really want.
@Karissa – the only way to figure this one out is to try things on. Looking online and in mags is a great start, but it doesn’t tell you how you’ll really feel. I found I just couldn’t tell what I liked, and what suited me, until I tried things on in front of a mirror. It totally comes down to preference. I think combs are potentially better-suited to up or half updos, but there are ways of making them stay in so it’s not an absolute.
@Lucy S – I don’t think you’re missing out. If you really wanted it, you would have gone looking for it, and it sounds like you know what you want!
@HelenHtobe – I just took my pearls into a small local jeweller. Cost £22 to have them restrung and add a new clasp.
Hi Anna, thanks for this post – totally sums up what I have realised about my own anxieties over accessories! I have been really struggling with this, which was kind of a surprise as I am a pretty confident person when it comes to putting outfits together. The thing is though, I don’t wear much jewellery, just my engagement ring and sometimes a pair of earrings. I knew I didn’t want a veil but I sort of bought the idea that you HAVE to have a headdress. I was desperately trying to convince myself that the hair accessory I bought and didn’t like was still a good idea, right up until the moment my hair was done on my wedding day, when finally it was clear that it looked totally wrong. It was a relief to leave it at home! Add to that the satin sash I bought at vast expense and didn’t wear cos I realised it was wrong for my simple dress, and I have an expensive unworn accessories bill!
I think you are spot on about trusting your everyday instincts. My mistake was thinking I needed to ‘go bridal’ in order to look like a bride, rather than remembering that actually it would be nice to look like me on a good day! I wore a beautiful long white dress and carried a bouquet – of course I looked like a bride!
Anyway, all was fine in the end after I ditched both sash and headdress. I will try to sell them on ebay, and when I have my second wedding day on the other side of the world in a couple of months (lucky me!!) I will be wearing nothing in my hair and just the beautiful earrings my best girls bought me. Phew. Here’s for simple style if that’s what you like, even on your wedding day – especially on your wedding day!!
@LysneyLoo
I absolutely 110% know what you mean – I cried the first time I went ring shopping because all the sparkle, luxury and money being splashed around was so un-me and everything I stand for.
Believe it or not, my wedding band does have diamonds in, but tiny little ones and bought from an ethical jewellers which really helped lay my mind to rest and made it feel more me
Great post. Accessories have been the bain of my life the past few months. I am a VERY plain and simple kind of girl, why would I try to look like anything other?! Today I have just purchased the same sets of earrings for both myself and the bridesmaids from Pandora – sterling silver & quartzite stud earrings for me http://www.pandora.net/en-gb/explore/products/earrings#290523QW the only other accessory I’ll wear is my veil, will sit above my very simple ballerina bun
and sterling silver and onyx stud earrings for my girls!
I had this crazy idea that both myself and the girls had to be bling-ed up to the extreme which is really not the case! You need to compliment the dresses, not dramatise them!
Great post. Accessories have been the bain of my life the past few months. I am a VERY plain and simple kind of girl, why would I try to look like anything other?! Today I have just purchased the same sets of earrings for both myself and the bridesmaids from Pandora – sterling silver & quartzite stud earrings for me http://www.pandora.net/en-gb/explore/products/earrings#290523QW the only other accessory I’ll wear is my veil, which will sit above my very simple ballerina bun
and sterling silver and onyx stud earrings for my girls! http://www.pandora.net/en-gb/explore/products/earrings#290523ON
I had this crazy idea that both myself and the girls had to be bling-ed up to the extreme which is really not the case! You need to compliment the dresses, not dramatise them!
I’m kind of the other way. I love all the accessories and want ALL of them! But I know I can’t have them.
I’ve just bought my dress and that sets the tone: the birdcage veil I wanted? Nuh-uh. The sparkly earrings I foolishly bought a year ago, thinking they’d go with everything? Nuh-uh. My family necklace of big gold topazs? Again, big fat raspberry. Although admittedly they wouldn’t have gone with the earrings in any case (see what I mean about wanting it ALL?!)
My dress has quite a lot of detailing so I need to be pretty pared down – just a modest hair decoration (which I have) and some earrings I think. Maybe a bracelet but that will be it.
But I’m in mourning for that birdcage.
Great advice! I have done kinda the same thing and ordered a pearl necklace and bracelet because I had the obligatory discount code but now not sure if they’ll go with the dress. Luckily I’ll be seeing my dress again on Saturday so I’m going to take my accessories with me to try on but I am hopeful it will work.
Just the birdcage veil left to find but I think that’s it for me, I don’t like too much fuss or sparkle so hopefully this will work – my shoes are definitely my statement piece!
Heya,
I like the idea of this post, sparks a bit of a debate! I think your points are fine advice, but at the end of the day it is down to indivdual choice isn’t it?! “Less may be more” for you, but for others “more is more!” As long as you are not pressured or forced into something that isn’t *you* or what you don’t want then that is cool. I love statement jewellery and think that with the right dress/neckline they look super great.
I am glad you are happy with your choices now. We all make mistakes (I have made a few!) but ebay is a great ‘get out of jail’ card!
Good luck for your big day! x
Love this, and yes I agree, less is more certainly more. I had my Civil wedding a couple of weeks ago and some of the best decisions were made on trusting my heart!
Also I just wrote up my experience – a wedding survival guide from a bride to brides if you want to check it out
http://mathurini.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/wedding-survival-guide/
Anne, what a great post. SO pleased you went with you heart AND managed to get some of the money back
Jewellery is the last thing I have left to sort – I have a lovely bracelet thanks to Sam Mamfii’s jewellery making masterclass at the RMW hen do, and a gorgeous yet simple pair of earrings that are my ‘something borrowed’ (from a friend; Victorian; family heirloom; MUST NOT LOSE THEM!)
Necklaces are my weakness – I love the big/statment ones but the detail on my dress means that most of them clash. Decisions, decisions!!
Good luck with the rest of your planning!
@Kelly Reds – you’re right, it is absolutely down to individual choice – what matters is that you are happy with what you wear!
Thanks for commenting everyone and happy accessorising!
x
Great advice about thinking outside the box- I am going to snoop in the jewellery boxes of my nearest and dearest, love the idea of wearing something with more meaning. On the hair candy aspect, I had been looking for a just-the-right-size beaded/pearl item to slide in on one side. Couldn’t find anything (that didn’t cost the earth). Then I saw a good one attached to a nasty hairband in New Look, I detached it, sewed some peals on and put a clip on the back. It’s just right and for the princely sum of £1.50, how pleasing! xx
Bravo Anne!
My you have a wise head on your shoulders!
I actually wore my Mum’s marcasite jewellery on my wedding day. Simply earrings and a bracelet which I absolutely loved. Mainly because they had a story.
xo
Anne you are so right!!! Great advice.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling you have to have something new ‘because it’s your wedding day’. My godmother and aunt bought me a beautiful necklace which we chose together especially for the big day, (and I do love it!) but I was thinking I’ll have to buy a bracelet to go with it even though I have plenty of gorgeous bracelets that I wear a lot anyway. And they mean more to me than any new one would. So I am following your advice and will wear one I already have, and feel much happier for it!
Plus, more money to spend on shoes, right?!
x x