This is not a book review.
This is a real-life story about friendship, loyalty and courage.
You see, I have had my very own lady with a down-the-back dragon tattoo since I was sixteen years old, long before I had ever heard of Stieg Larsson.
This lady is one of my best girls Maria (also know as “Naughty” for various reasons that will become apparent), one of the bravest, brightest, and funniest people I have ever had the pleasure of calling my friend.
Maria and I met whilst working at Morgan – a now-bankrupt fashion label that was a concession in our city centre House of Fraser. She was all dark locks, flick eyeliner and effortless cool. I on the other hand um….wasn’t. Think too much bronzer, a barnet inspired by S Club 7 and a penchant for shiny stretchy lycra (I can let myself off a bit, it was afterall the 90’s folks)
I automatically assumed Maria was way too mature (someone who’s 19 when you are 16 is like so much older you know?) and sophisticated to be associating herself with the likes of me.
But I was wrong. After deciding I was determined to befriend this mysterious pixi-esque creature even if it killed me, I continued to follow her around the shop floor for what felt like years (in reality it was more like a few consectutive weekends) until we finally bonded over our 50% Welsh heritage. Of course her other 50% was sexy Spanish where as mine was….Brummy.
Turns out Maria totally lucked out on the exotic gene pool.
What followed were some amazing years of growing up, staying out late, inappropriate boyfriends and crazy weekends away. Maria was always the wild one where as I was more reserved and straight-laced, she really brought me out of my shell and taught me to live every moment to the fullest, “Bask in the sunshine don’t hide in the shadows” was her moto. Maria even bought a UK map and we used to close our eyes and stick a pen on it somewhere and go where-ever the nib landed, the most memorable being a few trips to Dublin (because way back then you could genuinely fly with Ryan Air for just 1p – yes really).
And then I guess we did grow up (almost) and everything became a little more serious on the career front. Where as I moved as far away from fashion as you could possibly get, Maria decided it was her calling and did everything she could to get what she wanted exactly when she wanted it. I on the other hand seemingly drifted from one job to another with no real focus or ambition.
Maria landed herself a job with Agent Provocateur where she excelled. She ended up moving over to Ireland on her own to help set up a new shop. After 8 months of rain and with Taytos being the only available crisp, enough was enough and she packed up her pink dress and was lured to the Orient to spread the joy of luxury knickers in Hong Kong. It was the promise of fabulous party with Dita Von Teese that sealed the deal. Whilst in Hong Kong, Maria was offered an amazing opportunity with Lane Crawford (think the HK equivalent of Selfridges) to become the buyer of all the finest lingerie and beachwear the world has to offer.
Five years down the line, starved of Mr Kipling, Maria decided it was time to come home (Thank the Lord – I missed her loads) and was quite adamant there was one place and one place only she wanted to continue her career – Net-a-Porter.
Guess what? Maria is now the Lingerie and Beachwear Buyer at yep you guessed it…. Net-a-Porter.
Yes she is determined and successful and driven. And no, the road to the ideal is not without its potholes and its (sometimes ruddy gigantic) bumps.
What I failed to include however is Maria has achieved all of this whilst suffering from an often dehibilitating and incurable disease.
I shall not go into detail. For Maria is not one to complain or dwell.
I guess it would be obvious that as I describe Maria as one of my best girls then she would have been one of my best girls for W-day.
Um no.
Apart from the logistics (she was in HK at the time) I knew tottering down an aisle in a white mini dress, huge bouquet of Hydrangea held aloft whilst everyone looks at you would be the last thing on earth she would choose to do. And that was fine by me. If I’ve learnt anything it’s that friendship is as much about mutual respect as it is love, loyalty and finding pleasure in each others company. I wanted one of my best friends to enjoy my big day as much as possible and if that was sitting by my Nana Lily watching me walk up the ailse rather than follow me down it then so be it.
To be honest I was just bursting with happiness at the fact she was willing to travel half way around the world just to watch me say I do.
Maria is back in the UK now so we see each other and speak more frequently, although a combination of her buying trips to Milan, Paris and New York (yes – her job really is that fancy) and us living a few hours apart means it probably isn’t as much as each other would like.
But there is email. And text. And Skype. And a million other types of communication. After my BBC News appearance a pretty old-fashioned postcard arrived through the letterbox, from Maria, telling me how proud she was and that she was rooting for me all the way to finally quitting my day job and making RMW a full time commitment.
A small gesture, but such a huge boost of confidence, and in some ways a great big kick up the ar$e. What was I waiting for? If Maria thought I could do it then maybe I could.
Out of all the people I told she was the least surprised about us having secured investment for the brand. Apparently that was just it – she wasn’t in the least bit surprised.
It turns out she has just as much faith in me as I have have in her.
And that folks is what a true ever-lasting friendship is all about, bridesmaid or no bridesmaid.
Oh and yes – she has the most exciting wardrobe I have ever experienced many hours of snooping in.
So then lovelies, any friendship stories you would like to share? anyone who you have in your life that helps make it that little bit brighter?
Big Courageous Love
Charlotte xxx
ahhh this post warms the cockles of my cold hard heart and makes me want to call my BFF RIGHT NOW to tell her how much i miss her and how rubbish we are for not seeing each other enough.
fab post missus. stand by to be Thursday Treated…
@Charlotte – that little mission you kind of set me, well I haven’t tackled it yet…but this has just given me a great idea of just HOW I am going to tackle it…does that make sense?!
Also, I love friendships with people who you never in a million years thought you would be friends with…I have found that during the wedding planning process, some people will upset you but the amount of people that step up to help you out is quite amazing…
And, finally. Morgan. Oh my lord. Please tell me you had one of those boob tubes that ended in a triangular point?! I was convinced that mine made me look like Rachel Stevens…I also had a knee length pleather skirt from there with a frill round the bottom…
This is brilliant, Charlotte and I agree with Kat – it has certainly warmed the cockles of my heart too!
My best friend and I have been through alot together (including travelling around the world) but I’m pretty sure that moving to London away from her was the hardest thing to do. Now she thinks of me as her weird best friend who writes postcards and letters to her despite living 2 hours away. I think getting something in the post is wonderful. Texts, phone calls and emails are brilliant but sometimes a bit too easy. It can be a huge effort to buy a postcard, stamp, address it and post just to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m so proud of you’ but that’s what makes it so special!
Sounds like you’ve got a good ‘un there, Charlotte x
Awesome and inspiring story. I think that if we even have only 1 friend like that, we are extremely lucky in life.
And I’m glad that 1. You started RMW, and 2. That I found it.
Yaaaay!
What a lovely story of friendship – Maria sounds awesome.
This reminds me so much of the ‘Friends who made me me’ series over on anyotherwoman.com. The stories there never fail to warm my heart when I’m having a down day.
I feel inspired to grab a chum for a glass of fizz in the sunshine this evening, thanks!
Loving the old tv set in the background. They didn’t seem that big at the time!
Aww, great post Charlotte!
I got married last year, and i had one bridesmaid, my best friend Bron. We are complete opposites, but I’ve known her since we were little, she is always there for a chat and was a massive support all the way through the wedding planning process! I’m going to go call her now!
@Kat – Yay! I love to be Thursday treated (I shall let Maria know!)
@Pamela – Pet I had EVERY boob tube, yellow, hot pink, black, white…..and about fifteen pairs of black trousers. And that long skirt with the split!!!
@Alice – I love letters, I have kept every single one Maria sent me from Ireland and HK. There is nothing quite like the hand written word.
@Janine – Pleasure
@Sarah B – *waves* so nice to see you are still reading RMW. Maria is indeed awesome with a capital A.
@Lynsey B – I know!!!! it is massive!!!!
@Kirsty – How lovely, Maria and I are in many ways total opposites, it’s what makes it fun.
Charlotte xxx
Hello! Yep, I keep up with all of the blogs, great way to pass some time when waiting for my lunch to arrive. Reading in the sunshine, one of life’s most fabulous combinations
I love this Charlotte. Thank you for posting it.
This touched me for many reasons (and not just to reminisce about 90s ‘how-the-blinkin-hell-did-we-ever-think-that-was-cool’ *cringe* fashion stores!) but especially because its me that’s going through the mill on the chronic illness front at the moment and I really don’t know where I’d be without my girls.
Whatever side of the diagnosis you’re on, friendship is truly the tonic that makes everything better, and yes, sometimes it really does (or doesn’t) come from unexpected or surprising places.
x
Charlotte is there any photographic evidence of said pointed boob tubes?!
Great post and very sweet. I sadly couldn’t have mine at my wedding, we were Best friends all our lives however sadly she passed away in a car accident. No one could take her spot as my maid of honour so out of respect I didn’t have anyone else take on that role, she was my little gardian angel last year at the wedding. Love, respect and keep your friends close girlies, dont take them for granted. xx
I’m with Kat – triangular boob tube pictures are needed here, Charlotte!
Great story – warmed the cockles. Maria sounds brilliant, and uber-talented to boot.
Pamela – you’re right about the wedding support coming from unlikely sources. It really makes up for the lack of support from the people you’d expect it from!
This spurred me on to email my friend. She lives in another country, and she was going through a rough time of it as i got engaged. Since before Christmas we’ve had no contact, she doesn’t reply to emails or texts.
I sent her an honest email – and i really do hope that i get a reply.
Thank you xx
Thank you Charlotte, for being so open and also reminding me of the triangular boob tubes! How hilarious! It makes me miss hair mascara!
I am blessed in that I have more than one best friend, and I also have my three sisters. We are a rock solid team and I don’t know where I would be without them. I want to cry every time I think about the fact I won’t have the same name as them in a mere 38 days. But they will always be my best girls.
What a lovely lovely post. Back to the old skool with Morgan, though, that takes me back! I had a rather beautiful plastic-esque black trench coat from there at the age of 16. I thought I was *The* Bollocks. Turns out, I just *looked* bollocks. C’est la vie…
On the subject of best girlies, I have 2 – one oldest, who is always there for me even though we barely see each other, and 1 newer, that is also always there for me and whom I see more of. The latter, who I see roughly twice a week, (at least one of these spent hideously drunk, then hideously hungover) is moving to Germany in September, and without going into it too much, I am gutted. I find it very hard to be happy for her because she literally lights up my life. The H2B jokes that I should be marrying her, not him. And the worst part of it? She moves away while we’re on Honeymoon, therefore the last day I’ll see her is MY WEDDING DAY. Am stocking up on Kleenex now….
Just a lovely post, truly! xx
Lovely post Charlotte – struck a cord with me… I remember nervously telling my oldest friend over dinner about my plans to set up as a planner, after a very traumatic year and redundancy, I was finally taking the plunge in this little secret that I’d not really dared tell anyone about except my husband. Those who I had told already, had pretty much laughed, expecting this was a little fad and I would think of a ‘real job’ in time (they are now eating their words
.
My friend’s reaction – well a bit of a let down actually… think I was expecting a big life discussion / are you sure / is it sensible…. she was not surprised in the slightest and had utter faith in my chance of success. A bottle of bubbly was ordered to celebrate me finally finding the courage to do what she’d always expected me to.
Best mates – they always know you better than you know yourself. x
Oh Charlotte it’s so lovely to have someone in your life like this. I am all about my friendships and I learnt this from my Mum. She was a single mother who worked hard and enjoyed life, and she had her two best gals by her side through thick and thin. Ann and Susan, who are like the aunties I never had. So what I lost in my Mum I sort of still have in them, and it’s beautiful xx
As an addendum to all the above, and after living happily S Club-free for many, many years, I woke up this morning with ‘Reach for the Stars’ in my head. Thanks Charlotte
x
Hello lovelies! so sorry for the late reply….
So glad this piece has spurred so many of you on to contact your best girls, it really is worth the effort.
I am afraid there is no boob-tube evidence (thank the lord!) but @Lianne – I think I may have had the same trench coat?!
@Mrs P – I am so sorry to hear that pet, she sounded like a very special friend.
Charlotte xxx
@Em K – I think we just posted at the same time… I meant to say in my last comment, I am so sorry to hear you are unwell and it is lovely to hear that you are being so supported by your girls, I sincerely hope the road to recovery is short for you.
Charlotte xxx
@Charlotte – thank you, she was fab! I have come to realise that alot of people have good friends but having a friendship with someone that knows you better than you know yourself, who is more like a sister than a friends, someone to really rely on no matter what, someone who knows you are not ok even when you say and act like you are and somone that can always make you smile, is such rareity. That is a real best friend and I will consider myself lucky to experienced such a friendship. I am also extremely lucky that my husband has been able to fill part of the hole she left. Look after your friends and loved ones and always make the effort xxxx
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What a beautiful and inspiring post! WHere would we be without our besties?
Friendship is one of the most important elements of life x
@Charlotte, if there is no photographic evidence “it didn’t happen.” Have got myself off the hook on far too many drunken nights out with that excuse…
Surely we just came out the womb looking fabulous without all those messy fashion mistakes in between?! x
@Mrs P – what a lovely way to look at it, you are one inspirational lady. I have taken head of your advice and am meeting two fab ladies on Tuesday (one for lunch and one for dinner!)
@Lianne – Ha ha ha it so did happen!, I do have a picture of some God awful white lycra backless number from Morgan that may or may not have had rhinestones (shudder) …. I don’t think I can bring myself to post that. I think there may have even been darker-than-lipstick lipliner involved.
Charlotte xxx
I want to tell you about my friend R, one of my bridesmaids and the most awesome friend. This is the girl who, when I broke up with my ex and needed somewhere to live at short notice, said I could stay in her room if I needed. “But you have a new boyfriend,” I said – clearly I’d be in the way. “Well, if he doesn’t like it, I won’t go out with him,” came the answer. Which tells you everything you need to know about what an awesome friend this girl is. All four of my bridesmaids are friends – they are the people I cannot imagine not having in my life. I don’t have sisters, and my only female cousins are much older and live abroad, so my friends mean the world to me. And indeed my flower girl and page boy are the children of my bridesmaids, which I think is really lovely.
Also. I wasn’t going to post about this, because it’s still too upsetting, but here goes. There’s another friend who almost certainly won’t be there on my big day.
I’ve known my oldest friend since she was about two days old (she’s a year younger than me and our parents are best friends). We’ve been friends all our lives, though we haven’t seen each other much in the past few years as she moved to the US. She loves kids and has always wanted a family.
I got engaged and promptly started planning my wedding.
She got engaged, discovered she had a rare form of bone cancer and promptly had to freeze her eggs and start having chemo, which could make her infertile. She and her man got married quietly, in hospital, just in case; the wedding itself will have to wait.
It’s not clear yet whether she’ll be making it to
- my wedding
- her own wedding
But I can’t even begin to describe the feelings of grief and guilt. I’m enjoying the silly luxuries of wedding planning (oh dear, what colour flowers shall I have, what perfume should I wear) and she’s going through this.
I didn’t think I could get through typing this without crying, and I was right.