Charlotte: Hope you all had a relaxing bank holiday you gorgeous lot. It’s straight back in with a wee bit of Tuesday morning discussion, today specifically about being a wedding guest/how this results in the considerations you make for your own W-day invitees.
It was actually Madame Jenny that raised it, and I’m guessing being smack bang it the middle of peak big day season, a whole bunch of you are feeling the time and purse string pinch of the many affairs the summertime inevitably brings.
I’m sure I don’t need to spell out the fact I adore a good wedding. Even more so when you can make a bit of a weekend of it – book a night away, spend quality time with your friends drinking, eating and getting ever so merry. Not to mention the opportunity of sharing an important chapter of the bride and groom’s happy ever after.
And this doesn’t come cheap.
Hotel costs, travel costs, gift lists, new fashions……the bar bill. A struggle for many let alone in the current economic climate.
If I’m invited to what is one of the most significant celebrations in someones life then I’m honoured, truly. And as a guest I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I save and/or sacrifice well in advance to ensure I’m there with bells, whistles and statement jewellery on.
But I know only too well that not everyone falls into my camp.
And I appreciate that all the saving and sacrificing in the world is genuinely not going to make things easy for some folk.
So then, as a bride what can you do to ensure your guests are under as little monetary pressure as ever?
1. If the requirement for accommodation is going to be probable include details of a range of price points in your invitation (or just drop guests an email). Most hotels are willing to offer discounts for multiple bookings/reservations in advance. One of the O’Shea Big Day stay-overs was the no frills Travel lodge – just eighteen quid a night for those booking in advance.
2. There are an abundance of gift list options available now, money/honeymoon contribution requests being a great option as guests can donate as much or as little as they can afford. For your more traditional department store type haul perhaps consider separating out your lust list to include smaller items, so for example – rather than a whole set of new fancy dinner plates maybe list them separately etc
3. Speak to your venue reference bar costs, see if they will offer a more inexpensive “house” wine or a special offer beverage. As my Nana always says – if you don’t ask you don’t get.
I have two immense weddings coming up this year, RMW Lolly’s in October and Vix’s in November – I can’t wait!!!
I’ll leave the rest of the thoughts up to the lovely Jenny and Miss Vix but in the meantime please do leave us your thoughts, experiences and advice in the comments column below lovelies.
Jenny: I was chatting to one of my Mummy friends the other day, about the costs involved with attending a wedding. She had just received a wedding invitation from a good friend, that not only suggested they bring their own drink, but also a plate of food as well! My initial reaction, without thinking it through and being a little bit of a Miss Judgey Pants, was to turn my nose up (yes I know, shame on me). Then when I gave it some thought and we talked some more it dawned on me that this is the sort of wedding that encapsulates everything that a wedding should be, family and friends all pulling together with a sense of community spirit and making someones wedding day a truly home made affair. I remember when planning my own Wedding how the older generation would all tell me how forty/fifty years ago, weddings weren’t all fancy schmancy like they were these days, how everyone would pull together to make the food and and the reception would be in someones house, or a pub, and they would all make their own clothes. I always warmed towards this idea, but felt it wasn’t something we could pull off.
What charmed me more about my friends wedding invitation, was that ‘Fancy Dress is Optional’ (and Chickens and Bee’s are encouraged, seeing as they keep them at home as a hobby!) What my mind conjures up is a wedding day full of love and laughter, and community spirit, and a day that truly reflects who the couple are. And of course the cost of attending such a wedding is minimal.
When it comes to being a guest, we all generally just suck up the costs involved, because we love the people who are getting hitched, and it’s generally a once in a lifetime opportunity! We were honoured to have guests fly in from Sweden and Australia especially for our big day, and we had guests come from up and down the country too, all having to pay out for hotel costs and what not. It is an expense for them there’s no denying it, new outfits, hair, feminine ablutions like spray tans and such like, it all adds up, but that’s part of the fun!
I think living in Hong Kong, in my little expat bubble, I am missing the wedding season in the UK. The last wedding I went to, was my own, and I think I am ready to buy a ridiculously expensive dress and get ridiculously sore feet from dancing with Uncle Knob-head all night.
I am having wedding withdrawals!
Vix: I love a good wedding, especially when it’s a very close friend, I always buy a new dress… I can’t help it! This year I spent a small fortune on one dress for all three weddings we were invited to and outfits for the hens too. I really don’t need to buy new gowns as I have loads but I always do because there is something about donning a new outfit, it makes me feel so good!
From the perspective of being a bride very soon, I am conscious that it all adds up what with two hen do’s, hotels, outfits and gifts I do feel a bit guilty as I know where we are getting married is not inexpensive… but I do feel that if people really want to come along then they will do everything they can to make it as that’s what ‘real friends’ do. We have had a couple of people turn down our invite because they are broke and I understand that it’s not cheap but there are ways of making it more reasonable and like I say, if you really want to go to an event then you plan for it.
We have suggested a range of accommodation for all budgets and have pulled out all the stops for our family and close friends to be wined, dined and have an absolute blast so hopefully they won’t mind spending money on a hotel for the night if they need to.
Most couples give more than enough notice for people to save up and I really don’t just expect gifts or for people to buy new clothes, just the fact that they are there means the world to me. I hate, hate, hate to say it but sometimes a wedding shows you who your real friends are, nothing is too much – I cherish my amazing friends.
Big New Shoes Love
Charlotte, Jenny and Vix xxx
Really interesting post! I agree to an extent that ‘if you’re a real friend/budgeting/planning ahead etc etc’ it makes it easier, but sometimes other people’s weddings can be bank-cripplingly expensive, and like buses, all tend to come at once!
Earlier this year, we spent over £2,000 within two months, just on two weddings. Amazing, brilliant weddings of people we love dearly, and we wouldnt change anything – but even so, it really adds up!! (note to self: never ever do the maths ever again)
It was a really big consideration for us when we planned our own wedding that we would have it close to home, in the city centre, not only because the venue was amazing and we love our home town, but it means that some of the costs for our guests will be massively reduced.
I honestly dont think anyone should be put in a position where they are going without, just to celebrate our day, I’d rather they were able to just come along and have an absolute ball, without worrying about cash. Our wedding will be about love, not money
xxx
This year has been wedding mayhem for us! This weekend saw us at our 5th wedding of the year and 3 of these have required us to stay in hotels, plus there’s the hen & stag dos! – which all adds up, especially when trying to save for your own wedding!
Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed every wedding immensely and am truly chuffed to think these people wanted Dave & I there with them to celebrate this important day. But there have been days when I’ve dreaded looking at the bank statement!
It has made me think harder about what we will be providing for our guests! Our venue requires a minimum spend (rather than venue fee) which ultimately means we can rely on our guests to help us get to that spend. (ie. we plan to spend a set amount on the food & drink but make sure it is not the whole min spend & hope that our guests buy lots of drinks from the bar!) But considering how much money some people will be spending to actually join us I am starting to wonder if we need to not rely on this quite so much?!
One thing that was very important in every venue we visited was making sure the bar was not ridiculously over priced, as from experience there is nothing worse than getting to a venue to find your usual drink is twice the price you usually pay (not good when trying to save!). So although our place is a cocktail bar with some slightly expensive cocktails you can also grab yourself a reasonably priced beer or glass of wine! xxx
I’ve been thinking about this too – and I’m considering just not having a Hen Do to help people find it more affordable. The vast majority of my friends will have to travel to get to our wedding, and although it’s in a fairly central location, they will probably have to travel up the day before – so that’s 2 nights accommodation before they even have a glass of wine.
I’m personally not that bothered about it anyway – and if skipping it means my friends don’t feel so stretched financially, then it’s a courtesy I wish some of them would extend, especially as some of the “dos” I’ve been invited on have included a week in Ibiza, or 3 nights in a Hilton (I’m still a student!)… x
@Rebecca Same here! It’s when lots of weddings fall at once that as a guest you’re in a tricky position. It’s a huge honour to be invited to someone’s wedding which we know if we’ve been considering who to include on our own glist!
There’s no way I would have wanted to say no to the weddings I’ve been to this year so I’ve sacrificed things such a holiday (weep) but they are important people after all!
Nowadays people tend to have friends based all over the UK and world…our friendship circles and how they work have changed a lot over the past 40-50 years, particularly since the advent of social networking. That’s just the way things are now. On the whole, most weddings I’ve been to this year have gone out of their way to ease the financial burden for guests. For example, a friend put on a coach to transport people from a cheaper hotel to her more expensive venue. She asked for a contribution of £2 each to cover the cost. I certainly didn’t mind paying that as it meant I could cut down on my hotel & taxi fare costs!
Does anyone have any other suggestions of ways to save money for guests?
@lynsey I’m not having a hen do either for the same reason! I may change my mind. But even if I do I’m considering just having a chilled out night down the pub and if anyone really wants to travel the distance they are more than welcome to crash on my couch!
We’ve been to so many weddings lately where the cost (between travel and taxis and accommodation and gifts, let alone outfits) has been so high that we’re really trying to do everything we can to help our friends (who are in similar financial situations as us) be able to enjoy the day without worrying about money.
The two main ways this shows is that we paid a bit extra for our venue so that guests can camp the night before and after the wedding (this also means we’ll get help clearing up the day after!) and we’re doing the bar ourselves.
We married last year and when it came to planning we were talking about the things that we loved a lot…and not so much…from all of our friends and families recent weddings (cheeky but natural, right??). The “not love” pile did not include people’s choices of food, venue, entertainment…I love that each of them has been different …the only things that stood out were guest’s little niggles, small things that made them feel awkward and put a dampener, albeit briefly, on their spirits. These included the high price of everything on the gift list which they struggled to afford, the over hiked bar prices (at one wedding more than twice the price of the bars 200 m down the hill) and the lack of a plus one (tricky one I know…)
We really tried to focus on things that would make our guests happy, feel special and focused on celebrating with us…maybe we were being a bit sensitive but for us this “tactic” gave us the wedding that was perfect for us…we even had our hen adn stag doo the night before so that our friends only had to fly in to the UK once (risky but it worked!)
This has been a challenge – especially as we’re trying to save money for our own wedding! Sadly this year we had to turn down going to a friend’s wedding – we’d already attended several other weddings and literally ran out of money. They were terribly nice about it, although I felt so bad. They then told us that they had been in the same situation 6 months previously and the couple in question had actually stopped speaking to them! So clearly people aren’t always so understanding.
I’m in the camp of keeping hen celebrations to a minimal to avoid added costs. The glut of weddings we’ve attended over the last year also led to me missing a hen do. My friend didn’t see why I couldn’t couldn’t manage to find £200 (I’m a full time student, with a mortgage, living at the other end of the country!) and in the end I had to say ‘do you want me at the wedding or the hen do? Because I can only come to one’. It made me feel awful and I felt it put a strain on our friendship, although things are fine now. I hope our wedding and stag/hen do doesn’t make anyone feel that way.
Last year I had 5 weddings to go to and was guilty of complaining about the cost of them all, now it is my turn to plan a wedding I would be gutted if I knew people were moaning about the expense.
We are getting married in the city we live in but my family and friends will be travelling across the country to join us, most likely needing 2 nights accommodation in a pretty expensive city. I would really love a hen do, and will just be having it in my home city but again some friends will have to travel a distance to attend. We are doing everything we can to keep costs down but I do feel guilty about asking people to spend so much.
That said I have also travelled all over the country for weddings, booked into hotels and couldn’t be happier on the day to be there celebrating with my friends. I think it can just get a bit overwhelming when they all come at once. xox
This is a very difficult one and i was worried about this because i have been on the receiving end of some friends getting married abroad (Bali) and us not being able to go and it was very uncomfortable as the bride and groom thought we should be going as apparently we could afford it!!? (I dont think you should ever make a judgement on your friends finances or tell them how they should spend their money)
We tried to keep it reasonable by having the wedding in London as then lots of guests didnt need to stay over and could go home. However for the guests that did not live in London it then worked out really expensive as obviously they then had to find hotels! We therefore had a mixture of people that thought it was cheap and easy (and could get the tube to the wedding!) and then some that thought it was really expensive!! We did include travel lodges on the list of hotels nearby but they were still £90 per night!!
The hotel drinks were also very pricey (london prices!) so we had a tab for beer and house wine only which meant that for people on a budget they could at least drink something. I think this went down quite well with some of the out of towners who were obviously worrying about drinks costs. I asked them to save any left over wine from the meal and put it behind the bar in the evening too which i think helped a bit.
We had a honeymoon fund and put on the invitation that gifts were strictly not neccessary! Its a tricky one though!
I think the over arching theme here is that you cant please everyone, If we had the wedding where my parents live then some people would have had to travel and stay over and then vice versa in London!!
Rachie xo
Hi Lovelies
Really interesting to read your comments, I think the general feeling is that everyone does whatever they can to make their guests feel comfortable/not have to fork out a fortune but it can be difficult, especially as you say – all these weddings come at once!
And yes I hadn’t really considered the situation where there may be hens and stags too – and as we all know, these can be more expensive than attending the wedding sometimes.
@Karen – hit the nail on the head there, it is indeed about the love not the money!!
Charlotte xxx
Good post! Such a tricky subject! We were at a wedding at the beginning of the year (just after Xmas…eeeek!) and were *made* (no joke!) by the bride and groom to travel up 2 whole days before the wedding so we had to fork out for an extra night in a hotel/meals/travel etc (we don’t have a car so we had to use trains (not cheap!), I had just finished studying and my man was about to start studying!). Then at the wedding the booze at the hotel was SO expensive hardly anyone could afford to drink anything! It was a lovely day but my head was just spinning with all the costs!
xx
The way we have gone for our wedding is to hire a big house so at least accomodation is covered, and we’re providing booze for the meal and prosecco but asking for a bit of BYOB if guests drink something specific.
It is true though, if you want to go to these events you have to save/compromise. My friend is getting married next year at the very posh Cameron House (Loch Lomond) and it won’t be cheap but we’re already on the savings path and will make every effort to attend
I’m finding it a bit irksome that over the years, we’ve happily forked out over and over for myriad hens/stags/weddings, yet now it’s our turn, suddenly we have to worry about everyone’s purse. But I acknowledge times have changed and funds are tighter. Last year, my best friend got married in New York. All in all it cost me and Mr.P the best part of 4K to attend. We had to sacrifice a LOT to be able to afford that.
Our current dilemma is our gift situation. Most of our friends have gone down the request for honeymoon contribution route, which appeals as we really don’t need or want any material gifts, but I’m aware that many people find any kind of gift direction in with the invitation to be rude. SImilarly, it’s only now I’m planning my own wedding that I’ve suddenly become aware that expecting guests to buy their own drinks (over and above reception drinks, wine with the meal and toast fizz) is also considered poor etiquette. Well clearly the hosts of all the weddings I’ve ever been too never had that memo.
Urgh, it’s a minefield.
I third that! Love not Money. I know how it feels as I had 5 weddings last year and one was in the Seyschelles, it was hard to save for it along with other weddings and events that we had going on but there was no way I was going to miss it and I know it meant the world to them that we were there with them to share their day. This year we went to Ibiza for our other close friends and again we wouldnt have missed it for the world and they appreciate that. I think for a few years you get a whole load of weddings in one go then they seem to spread out a bit. Hopefully everyone that can make ours will have a blast and appreciate the effort and ££££’s gone in from our end too to ensure they have an awesome time.
Vix
xx
This is such a difficult situation, but I think that if you show you’re guests that you are trying to be as accommodating as possible by offering what you can (free drink, money behind the bar etc) then guests will feel less upset about spending money. Also I think that if close friends of mine were unable to come to my wedding then I would try my best to get them there by helping to find discount accommodation, travel etc, but sadly money doesn’t grow on trees and I would know that it wouldn’t be out of spite.
I had an awful experience once, I was invited to a wedding the other side of the country and in a very expensive hotel (in the middle of nowhere). I’d forked out almost £300 before even thinking about the gift and an outfit. Once we got there we found that they were serving no food – it was an afternoon wedding and they were providing nothing, so on top of everything else we were faced with £25 for a bottle of wine and a massive room service bill. I would feel awful if my guests felt like I had at that wedding – I don’t remember much about the wedding, other than the huge cost of it all!
@Philippa – I dont think its poor etiquette at all, only one wedding I have been to had a free bar, which we never expected.
Vix
xx
One thing we have decided to do is not to have a Gift List. We thought this may take the pressure off people feeling they ‘have’ to buy us a gift – all we want is for people to be there on our day celebrating with us, gifts really aren’t a priority to us. Some people have been asking what we want – and we have just explainedthat we dont want gifts but if people dp want to get us something then we are moving house and any kind of deparment sotre voucher will be handy!
Such an interesting post and comments. We’re getting married in November and all our guests have to travel a long way to celebrate with us in Cornwall. We’ve stayed silent on the issue of gifts in our invitation as we just want people to be there with us. I don’t like the idea of gift lists at all. If one of our guests is generous enough to buy us a gift as well as travel to our wedding, I’d like it to be something they have chosen specially for us – not something we have dictated they buy from the typical department store! If we don’t like it, there’s not much you can’t return these days!
We are looking in to giving evening guests a free drink on arrival, as I think they tend to get a raw deal sometimes compared to the day guests who have had a three course dinner and a few glasses of fizz. I asked my venue (4 star hotel) for the bar tariff, beer and wine aren’t any more than what I would expect in a city centre bar but £8.50 for a gin and tonic makes me a bit nervous that I’ll have unhappy friends!
We are including a list of handy hotels to suit all budgets in the invitations. We are asking for a contribution towards honeymoon or a purchase from our small gift list which has items starting from £7, but it someone came and just gave us a card I’d be delighted!
I hope our wedding won’t be too expensive for people, family are putting friends up in their own houses to cut down costs for them. However I can’t help but feel disgruntled at friends who have known our wedding date for three years, they will have free accommodation when they get here but they are saying they can’t afford to come. The wedding is still 7 months away, I thought they would make a bit more effort with all the notice and information we have given them
The hen do’s that I had involved a Groupon Spa day with my best friend (£50 for both of us including 2 treatments each and a whole day in a posh spa) and a night out with my dance friends (approx £10 each). I did consider a meal out as well but decided against it in part because of the mounting costs. I have turned down hen do’s in the past because of the cost of 3 days in a spa hotel (or similar) and I don’t feel bad about it, you have to be true to your own finances and do what you feel is right – I thought it was more important to attend the wedding in an expensive hotel than the hen do.
For our actual wedding, we held it locally and so only a few guests had to stay in hotels. We put up as many people as possible in our house, and gave the rest a choice of hotels including Travelodge and more expensive local hotels. We encouraged people to car share so that they didn’t have to pay for a taxi. We asked for contributions towards our honeymoon but made it clear that their attendance was the best gift of all, and we also included a small John Lewis gift list with low cost individual items on it as well for those who wanted to buy something physical. Some of our guests opted not to give us a gift at all, and that was fine with us. We included a drinks token in the invites so that every guest could get their first drink of their choice on us at the evening bar, and all the daytime drinks were included. The trade off for us was that we kept our guest numbers smaller but we wanted a small intimate wedding anyway so it was fine.
I think we also put pressure on ourselves – most of us don’t *need* to buy a new outfit or hat for a wedding, we just want to! Similarly, we don’t *have* to stay in the same hotel as where the reception is held or join in the drinking contest in the evening. Its all choice, there are things we can do as guests to minimise the costs too – the most important thing is attending and witnessing the wedding ceremony of your loved ones.
I was really lucky as we were able to have our wedding at my Dad’s house which meant not only were were able to provide a free bar for everyone (truly made full use of supermarket special offers) but we were also able to offer camping space for people that wanted to save on costs.
I really didn’t want my hen do to be too expensive so asked my bridesmaids to organise something that people could dip in and out of so they could spend as little or as much as they wanted to and I also held it in London as most of my friends are based around there so could even go home rather than pay for accomodation.
I do think people should be considerate of guests costs as much as they can be but also I know that I would save and sacrifice to attend friends weddings and hen do’s as (hopefully) they will only happen once and I can always go on holiday next year…..
I think a lot of it comes down to giving people plenty of notice so they can save up – my friend’s hen do is in January but she has already booked and arranged everything and is letting us all pay her for it how we want – in one go, or in installments over the next few months. We are sending out save the dates with wedding website details on a whole year before the wedding, so that people can plan to put some money aside every month until then if they need to. We’re also putting everyone in the Premier Inn
@Vix – well, I say it’s all about the love, but it’s kind of about the shoes as well. just a little bit. xx
@Carys – im right there with you and your point is so valid, im feeling the same as you.
Vix
xx
@Karen – right there with you, although I haven’t got the shoes I really really really want as I just can’t justify them. I have gone for some AMAZING somewhat cheaper beauties instead (just as good in my book)
xx
@Vix – I thought that too, but I’ve found out that Lee is secretly getting hand made leather brogues… SURELY they must work out more expensive than Louboutins?? I’d better get a selling spree going on Ebay so I can save up!
I’m sure your shoes are gorgeous. I wanna see!! xx
@Emily – we did the same as you with our website, we sent them out 7 months before the wedding as ours is on a Friday so we were concious of people needing to book time off but we also wrote ‘save the dates’ inside Christmas cards too so everyone knew at least a year before. Some people even more as we booked our venue last October – most people knew right away.
xxx
@Karen – Wowzers!! thats so lovely and unique. Oooh yeah I did that recently, I couldn’t believe how much I made. Mine are cobalt blue, high (very high) KG’s with a bit of spangle on, I do love Mr KG he makes the most comfy shoes!
xx
@Vix – ooh they sound HOTT xx
This shoe chat is reminding me of the Sex and the City episode ‘A Woman’s Right To Shoes’ – anyone remember? When Carrie’s Manolos are stolen from a baby shower and her friend (the baby’s mum) gets all mean and judgmental about replacing them – so Carrie does some maths and works out that over the years she’s spent something like $2k on her friend’s engagement present and party, wedding present plus overnight trip for the wedding, then 3 baby presents – I cheered at that episode!
I had my fair share of weddings to attend whilst I was single and, whilst I enjoyed attending and was excited to be a part of the day, the cost always stung a little bit -time off work, travel, hotels, new frocks, you know the score! So I’ve been really conscious during our wedding planning of not doing anything that will set anyone back too much – we’re getting married in a city centre so most of our friends and family are within a short drive/train journey/taxi ride away and there’s plenty of choice of hotels near our venue (Travelodge all the way up to MalMaison!). In the spirit of things the lorry driver enquired at our venue about how much an open bar for the evening would cost – our wedding lady visibly flinched before asking us to think very hard about it, as the few ‘open bar’ weddings she’d done inevitably ended in some guests taking complete advantage and getting beyond wasted. So I don’t feel too bad about not having an open bar (although we are planning a welcome drink for the evening guests).
I was kind of ‘anti’ guest lists and we were planning to discreetly spread the word that if people wishes to get us something, cash or vouchers would be very welcome – until we attended a wedding the other week where the couple had asked for either cash or vouchers, and I noticed quite a few people still turned up with wrapped presents. We’re now thinking of having a small John Lewis list, prices from around £10-£50, as it clicked that there are people who just prefer to give a ‘presenty’ present and may find a list useful.
My final piece of brilliance (actually suggested by my cousin who got married a few years back) is to have our date on 02/02 – that way we get the cheaper rates of a winter wedding and can spend more on the pretty loveliness, plus we’ve all had at least one pay day since Jesus’s birthday and won’t be feeling quite so skint compared to a wedding before or over Christmas. That’s the theory anyway, I’ll let you know how it pans out!
And after that weddingy dissertation I’m off to work on my actual dissertation…x
@Lou – love that episode! hooraah!
xx
I’ve tried to write my thoughts as nicely as possibly on this topic for about twenty minutes, and it can’t be done. They would offend. But I do know I am not alone in these thoughts. ’nuff said.
I’m the first of my close group of friends to get married, so I’m yet to experience summers packed full of weddings, although I’m sure it won’t be far off! In fact, with no siblings and my older cousins in no rush to get married (they just like to have babies instead lol), I’m the first of this generation in my family to get married, so I have no experience of being a guest, which makes this all rather tricky!
Of course, I don’t want to cause my guests great expense, but being on a tight budget, we’re limited as to what we can do. For this reason, our venue isn’t very central (we did our best to keep it central, but it was nigh on impossible to find a venue that ticked all the boxes), but it’s near a train station that has a good connection back into central London. I’ve also done my research on local hotels (with the help of our lovely florists, random I know!) and put together the list on our wedding website, along with a rough estimate of price. Next on my list is to ring some local taxi companies for quotes so no-one gets any nasty surprises on the day. We’re not getting married till 3pm, so I imagine that people who live just outside of London will travel down on the day and therefore only need to pay for one night in a hotel – we hadn’t planned it like this, but it has worked out rather nicely.
In terms of food and drink, we’re having a hot and cold fork buffet and providing welcome drinks and drinks during the meal. I wouldn’t even dream of not doing that! And we’re also doing an evening buffet for the evening guests. After that, it’s a paid bar, although we might put a couple of hundred behind the bar to start everyone off, but that’s something we’re yet to finalise.
Gift list – we’re not having a traditional one. Like a lot of people have said, having guests attend our wedding is the best present
And if people feel the urge to buy us something, we’re asking for IKEA vouchers or a donation to charity so people can give as little or as much as they like.
The only big cause for concern is the travel between the registry office and reception venue… It’s only a 20min journey, but we’re worried about the logistics of it. The majority of our guests are family who we expect will drive. There are a couple of guests who will be using public transport to get around and these are obviously our main concern. We don’t really want them hanging around for taxis and paying a fortune. We did look into hiring a coach to transport everyone, but coaches only seem to carry 60 people and we’ve got 80… Our alternative is to ask those people driving to offer up their spare seats and we can match people without cars to those with, but I don’t know if that will work.
All in all, we want to do as much as we can for our guests, but I think budget constraints can come into it for the bride and groom as much as it can for the guests. But if you can do your best, no-one can ask more than that on both ends
Another great post Team RMW and I have read through every comment to see if I could pick up any ideas for keeping this affordable for guests. However I’m starting to feel our wedding is sitting at the opposite end of the saver spectrum.
We’re tying the knot on a Thursday. So guests need time off. We’re getting married in the middle of no where. So guests need more time off to travel. And they need to spend to travel with the nearest airport 2 hrs. Oh and there is no public transport to the venue.
On the other hand we’ve got a venue where every guest will stay on site for 3 nights, making it more a mini break not just the wedding, we’ve got an ‘all inclusive’ price for accom/food/all alcohol which can be paid in instalments before the wedding or on the day. As everyone is in site no hanging around or paying for taxis.
We looked at all the weddings we have been too, and for most of them we have built either a mini break or holiday around it. Majority of our friends have told us they are making a holiday out of it. Where we haven’t been able to afford anything of th guest list we have given a token present – or I’ve made their wedding cake – and then we send a fantastic first anniversary present instead which in a way I think is nicer as not everyone remembers.
Our save the dates are out there & so far no declines just promises of attendance which is great! I think the bouncy castle at the venue is what swung it.
Over and out!
I just wanted to put this out there (if anyone reads through to my comment!) that we created a wedding site where we had a list of items that guests could contribute to our honeymoon via Paypal. It took a bit of work doing the coding but it was well worth it.
Next to each item it had the Paypal button “Donate” and people felt secure using a trusted company. I have now been roped in to creating this page for a few engaged friends – it works! We had a range of items from £12 to £750 so no one felt pressure to contribute large amounts.
Couples should not be ashamed of asking for cash!
xxx
Im a bit late to this but for anyone still reading who is planning a wedding a feeling annoyed that a friend has turned down an invite-please dont hold a grudge, just accept their reason, even if it doesnt seem genuine. I have struggled with money in the last couple of years after i was made redundant and since having to work for minimum wage, and in private, me and my husband were panicking about paying the next bill but we didnt want to go into something so personal with friends out of embaressment, i know of friends who are in similar situations and feel terrible for turning down hen dos or weddings but sometimes when you cant afford a bill never mind a holiday for yourself, a wedding/hen do really cant be done!
We had a couple of guests decline with rather strange reasons which I just concluded meant they were skint but didnt want to admit it-and so that was fine.
So as much as you can try to save for these events-sometimes it really is impossible!
For our wedding I didnt have a hen do to save people travelling and we had a free bar and a gift list with options from £5-£100 as we knew we had guests travelling and paying for hotels, but weddings are expensive so if you are wedding planning and get a decline, try and remember it is still very tough for some people!