How do couples get through this whole planning period with their nerves intact? I’d had a heads up from some close friends after they married, letting me know that despite how laid back I am, it WILL be stressful. How I scoffed at such a thought. Me, stressed over marrying Mr O? I doubt that very much!
Well Mrs Bradbury you were right. I was wrong.
And there’s still 8 months to go.
I swore to myself I would just tread water and make it seem as though everything was going really smoothly, when really I felt as though the weights around my ankles were getting heavier.. and heavier… and was this really what it was supposed to be like? Wasn’t everything supposed to be so much easier?
You get so far into the planning that after a while the train of all things wedding gains momentum and has a life of it’s own. Even though (and I swear this is true) I have hardly been what you would call ‘Bridezilla’ about things. I’ve been to one wedding fair, two bridal shops, and I’ve knocked the wedding magazines on the head completely. I managed to convince myself that Church weddings were for girls with Parents to give her away, that the wedding breakfast was for Parents to give speeches and tell lovely stories, I felt a bit overwhelmed by the fact that although I was overjoyed at marrying the man I love, I didn’t have my Mum or Dad there to share the day with me. The lack of father I could cope with, why grieve for someone who was never there? Anyway, I had been inundated with offers of people wanting to give me away! But still, having to accept that Mum wouldn’t be there choked me. I didn’t and couldn’t see myself as a Bride, walking down a church aisle. This wedding would be the first time in a long time my family had all got together under pleasant circumstances, and I just felt the pressure of it all was getting too much. However, could I see myself on my favourite beach in Koh Phangan?
Heck of course I could!
Image courtesy of ‘Thai the knot‘
So with all these wobbles in mind, we looked into tying the knot abroad. I mentioned this to my lovely big brother (who is kindly giving me away) with trepidation, he works hard for his wife and two daughters – we rarely see each other so would they be up for coming away and joining us? Yes, they were! Stone the crows. I couldn’t believe it! So I got loads of info and spoke to Lisa at The Thailand Wedding Company and also went direct to a gorgeous boutique resort on my favourite beach in Phangan, and discovered we could have the wedding of our dreams for about £2k. After weighing up the costs it was a no brainer. We’d save ourselves a ton of money, and a fair bit of stress.
My heart leaped whenever I thought about it, it felt right.
Image courtesy of ‘Thai the knot‘
But when we looked a little deeper into the logistics of guests etc, we discovered that too many people would be excluded. Important family members wouldn’t be able to come, and this choked Mr O. We had to get some sort of plan together, we had to agree on a wedding day that was for us. Me and Him. Without putting anybodies noses out of joint.
Turns out that I want the church wedding afterall. I’ve gone completely full circle on myself! Why should I shy away from the fact that I feel vulnerable? We all have insecurities and wobbles about things, and my not having my Mum and Dad there isn’t something I am in control of. Nor is it something I should feel ashamed of, I had to have a quiet word with myself. I’m not the first bride to get married without the loving support of parents. And what really matters is what is right here, right now, in the present. I am marrying my best friend, my sister and my brother are right there with me. And I have their love and support no matter what I decide on. No pressure what so ever. They just go along with whatever crazy idea I have next, and they never question it. And I feel lucky to have them. So everything is good again in the planning process.
My advice to anyone having similar issues, or family issues – I’ve heard so many stories of the pressures placed on couples by their families – just do what you want to do. Do what feels right. Life is too short!
Love
Jenny x
That just brought a lump to my throat. What a lovely piece of writing and some very wise words indeed xx
Lovely piece Jenny – really makes you think what is important.
Claire
What you say is so very true. I have been getting so stressed out and having too many people telling me how I should have my wedding day I have never been a Bridezilla and I am certainly not asking for an all singing all dancing very expensive wedding so when H2B and myself are told what we should be having it makes me very annoyed. I am lucky that I have the support of my parents who have been amazing. Very lovely piece xxx
I just wanted to write and say how much I understand and empathise, i’ve lost both of my beloved parents, most recently my darling Mum to cancer. I find it so hard at times planning things that revolve so naturally around the mother and father of the bride and it makes my heart ache every time they’re mentioned as a matter of course….seating at the top table, speeches, even their buttonhole/corsages…..my big brother is also going to be the one who walks me down the aisle, and we’ve got a really tight bunch of friends who have stepped into other roles…..most importantly, we’re doing things our way; and I, well i’m taking it as it comes, and to echo your words, i’m marrying my best friend, and that, is the best thing in the world.
Anne xxx
Thank you for your kind comments girls – lots of us in the same boat it seems x
Stripeycat Anne, taking it as it comes is the best way to cope. Stay strong dear, the heart ache never goes away you just learn to carry the weight and adjust…..Wine always helps I find
) x How are your plans all going?
Jen xx
Hi Jen
I hope that the way I work as your photographer on your wedding day, I can help you to worry about one less thing – I tell all my brides-to-be that your wedding day is for enjoying, not stressing over.
And don’t forget, you have Brian the van to look forward to!
Kim H.
Thankyou sweetie. Really appreciate the reply
Planning going well, touch wood. we were let down by our first venue in early December, but i’m so glad it happened now because it led us to find our new venue Samlesbury Hall, which is utterly beautiful and ridiculously perfect for our Christmas wedding on the 21st of December this year.
Hope your full circle has led you to yours petal.
Anne xxx
I would like to echo what Kim your photographer says, your day is for enjoying. If you find you do need to handover a month of so before the wedding to take the strain and have someone help on the day, contact me. I loved your post its very touching.
Thank you Julie, you’re right about enjoying it, as time creeps closer to the big day I am feeling much stronger and positive and ready for a good old knees up! x