Ask Jenny – Coping with Stress

Hello!

I am getting married next year (we think)…we have only been engaged for 2 weeks and already I am feeling stressed and under pressure!

The main problem is I have a lot of family…my parents are divorced and have re-married and my mother divorced again….so you can see the headache!!

My fiancé hates wedding stuff and also hates a fuss (also he has been married before and had quite a big wedding) however me – Miss ONLY CHILD… dreamed of this day FOREVER (!) is the opposite!!

So the compromise…hence writing this e-mail…is to have a destination wedding possibly in Tuscany. I have looked online and I just don’t know where to start. We love the idea of a reception in a private villa eating outside with candles and lots of red wine 🙂 but at the same time do we really want to stay in a villa with all of my many parents. (I have a Mom, step Mom, Dad, step Dad. Then my Mom has a boyfriend and my step Dad has a girl friend-my fiancé is a bit boring and just has a Mom and Dad 😉 )

Plus we have lots of wonderful friends who would be up for an Italian adventure…please help me….please 🙂

Another Jenny xx

Hi Jenny (do we have a lovely common name, or what?)

Cor if you’re feeling stressed now, how will you feel in the final few weeks? Ask yourself what you want from your wedding, to have the big white wedding, or to be married to the man you love? I was never one of those girls who planned and dreamed of their big day from childhood, so I can’t relate to that at all, what I can relate to is the stress of having a difficult family, and of trying to please everyone (which won’t happen, no matter what you do someone will get the hump).

You will still have stresses involved in planning a destination wedding, but they will be different stresses, and it will still be a most wonderful day, with the most wonderful memories.

It’s so so easy to get caught up in the details. I know we are a wedding blog here at Rock My Wedding, but we are more than that. Yes we showcase the details, and the glorious photos, but it always has, and always will be, about doing it your way, and about remembering what it is all about. And that’s (for fear of sounding cheesy) about love and togetherness. It’s about starting a marriage, and you should feel free to embark upon marriage however you see fit, however it suits you. Don’t feel constrained to adhering to anyone elses wishes, just focus on what you guys want, and if you have to compromise and have a destination wedding, rather than the big white UK wedding then you can still make it your childhood dream come true.

As for Mr Jenny, there are few men who thrive on wedding planning. All he needs to do is turn up, and not end up on a boat to Calais the night before the big day on some crazy Stag do. You will find that almost all duties fall on you to complete, and you might find that the “paying for it” issue becomes source of a few minor disagreements (this is natural, honest) but just have faith in your ability to pull off the wedding of your dreams, and trust that on your wedding day your new husband will be knocked bandy with pride. Never lose sight of what matters, when you feel the stress start to get to you just take a step back and re-focus. Don’t worry about complicated families, who doesn’t have a complicated family these days, right? Our plethora of gorgeous readers will all back me up here and say that the family issue tends to be a main source of stress. But it’s stressful because we care about what they think, and we care about them being involved.

As for your Tuscany wedding, it sounds perfect to me. Find some venues and give them a call. Talk to them. Explain your concerns over your family (trust me, they would have seen it all before) and I promise you they will be able to cater for any situation. When we as women first get engaged our minds go into overdrive, thinking about every possible situation and everything that could go wrong – just try not to over think things. Have trust in a wedding vendor, trust in your decision whatever that may be, and just enjoy the ride.

And should the stress really get to you, I advise having wine by the glass, and girlfriends, and probably some chocolate too. Have some for me whilst you’re at it!

Let me know what you decide to do, and good luck!

Love
Jenny xx

Author: Jenny

27 thoughts on “Ask Jenny – Coping with Stress

  1. I agree with Jenny, hardly anyone has straight forward families these days. However all of your myriad parents and step parents are grown-ups and hopefully they’ll be able to see it’s making sure you and your fiance have the best possible day that is the most important thing. The only other thing I would say is that a wedding is just one day. Years of girly dreaming are all very well, but there’s one thing to remember. This day should be special for you AND your fiance, and I’m sure it would be more important to you that he enjoys the day too, than that you have some amazing spectacle but that he spends the day uncomfortable. Jenny’s right, weddings are stressful things to organise. I would just caution slightly against adding to that stress by pushing for something one of you doesn’t want. The most important thing is that you’re marrying the guy you love, and he’s marrying you. Good luck with the planning and I hope it all goes well 🙂

  2. And b-r-e-a-t-h-e…

    Jenny, petal, (and I do know this comment is going to be as annoying as when you’ve lost your passport and someone asks ‘where did you last put it?’ Not because that has happened to me in the last week AT ALL) you have to stop worrying, because, guess what – everything will be fine! In fact, in will be ruddy better than fine…it’ll be fantabulous!

    I think the very, very, very, starting point of planning a wedding is the most nerve wracking bit…because there are so many options to choose from! So many things to consider you can get a little bit of mind frazzle…but just emmerse yourself in it…because one day, when you’re emmersed in it…you’ll see something (maybe on this blog, or in a magazine, or on tv, or in an old family photo) that will make you think – THAT’S IT! That’s what I want our wedding to be like – for me, it was a photo I had never seen before of my nana and grandad and she looked like a movie star…and I wanted to be my nana in that photo for one whole day. (I also want her name, Minnie, and her teeny tiny, tinier than Kylie Minogue in a corset, waist) And once you’ve had that flash of inspiration, things really will start to fall into place, as everything will be guided by the feeling you had when you first found that one bit of inspiration…

    Of course, there will be tears, tantrums and traumas along the way…but hey – you’re a bride…I think people would be disappointed if there wasn’t…but those will be stories that you look back on and laugh about…and it really doesn’t take that long to be able to laugh about them. Like seriously, the fact that I was so nervous and shaking so much on my hen do that I couldn’t gather my long chiffon, very expensive Harvey Knickers dress up properly to go to the loo and maybe slightly weed on the most expensive garment I have ever owned (apart from my wedding dress)….well I can TOTALLY laugh at that now!

    As for the groom, he may just surprise you. The Big C has been very interested in pretty much everything – he even found our florist! Granted he has a new job so as we go into the ‘home straight’ I am having to do the bulk of the work…but come on, I’m a bride (control freak) so doing it myself isn’t really that bad…and what comes with being a bride is that you have an army of people (mum, sisters, bezzies) all lined up awaiting instructions…if only it was like that all the time!

    I am going to be getting very busy over the Jubilee weekend finishing off bits and bobs and I have people coming round to help…was getting stuff ready last night and the Big C said to me: “Do I need to get you some kind of crown for this crafting weekend. Just so everyone is clear…do whatever Pamela says and do not deviate.”

    And, I think that sums it up really…the people around you love you and if she asks them (nicely of course) to help you out…they will. And nine times out of ten…they won’t deviate…and you know what, sometimes, even if they do…it’s actually better than what you were going to do anyway! Like did I tell you, my mum actually sent my first wedding dress that I had ordered off Net a Porter (because I refused to go in a bridal shop) back…without telling me…because she knew better than anyone that I would not be walking down the aisle in it…because there was something out there better…and I just needed to come to terms with being a ‘bride’…

    And you know what, I did, and so when I was stood in a bridal shop, in THE dress, getting slightly upset because I had a dress at home (that had cost an arm and a leg) and I couldn’t have two…having my mum put her head round the curtain and say ‘Don’t worry, it’s yours, I sent that other number back weeks ago, just wasn’t you dah-ling.’ BEST MOMENT EVER. So be prepared to put your foot down, but also to take advice of those that love you.

    Ooooo what a long one that was!

    xoxoxo

  3. Gosh, you could be me! My family have been nothing but drama ever since we got engaged… We, after tears and letters and phonecalls and all sorts, have PUT OUR FOOT (feet?) DOWN. So that’s my advice – a very straightforward speech – “I am getting married, I will do it my way, I would like you all to be there, but if you cannot put aside petty differences for one day to make me happy then you are not the people I thought you were”. I was so nervous about saying it, but it’s worked! Good luck x

  4. Some excellent advice given, I have been to a wedding with much worse family circumstances (can’t go into it because they wouldn’t be very happy with me) and everyone was worried about how it would go… you know what on that day everyone was there for the Bride and Groom, they were all polite and kept there distance discreetly! People will surprise you on your big day and I think that is one thing us brides tend to forget, we spend so much time planning the perfect day for all of our guests and yet on my two year engagement the best times have been those little moments where I have been caught off guard by the loving and caring people around me (including Mr S)!

    One thing I do know, nothing is worth stressing over! I haven’t made a single decision whilst stressing!! I have only been able to see things clearly once i’ve backed away from google, turned off the mobile, had a bath and sat painting my toe nails… seriously! Or sleeping on it is definitley another way forward (the amount of clarity I have had at 5am!!), don’t make decisions when your stressed, you will regret it!

    Now time for me to practise what I preach, getting married in 1 week and 6 days and having the busiest period at work of my whole career!! Must stop procrastinating!! Good luck xx

  5. The best advice I can give you is to write yourself a little mantra speech which you can either say to yourself or out loud (in a non whiney voice) to anyone who gets annoying: I’m sorry that you don’t like XX / my choices but this is what we have decided and as its our wedding day we hope you can support that even if you don’t agree with it yourself.

    I had to say this to my mum about 100 times when she freaked out over the colour of the men’s ties (yes really) and although she still didn’t like them, we didn’t change them either and I think it made her feel a tiny bit better that we recognised that she didn’t agree with our choice.

    A good friend of mine was really worried about her fiance’s family coming to her wedding – with good reason it seems as a few of them had a punch up at the wedding reception, a toddler got knocked over as a result and split his head open on a step and was taken to hospital and his parents/step parents stood in front of her family in every photo. Even then bar staff were coming up to her and telling her how sorry they felt for her on her wedding day. She’s still married to her bloke and they are happy together (they just don’t see much of his family!). So, hopefully your parents can at least be civil or stay from each other on the day. Don’t be frightened of telling them that that is your expectation of them.

    As for “Mr Jenny”- sit down and tell him that while you realise he’s had a big white wedding before, YOU haven’t and its really important to you to have a proper celebration. If he loves you, he’ll understand that and do everything to make it happen the way you’d like it to.

  6. Hi Jenny, I can completely sympathise with you here, but you need to step back from it all and take each thing one step at a time. Concentrate on agreeing on a wedding you will both be happy with. When we first started discussing our big day I wanted the UK big church, the works. Mr M wanted a small affair preferably just our parents and siblings. Humm see the problem here!! We compromised and decided on a wedding abroad, it would help keep the numbers down and meant that only the people who really wanted to spend our big day with us would make the effort to come.

    My biggest stress when organising this was where to have it and where the blinking heck to start!! We whittled it down to Italy and tried to concentrate on 2 key areas Tuscany & Umbria then emailed every villa and hotel I could. When we finally had all the costs back we chose our favorite 6 and booked a road trip to Italy (I strongly recommend this, when you find the one you want it will make visualising your wedding so much easier when you get back home). We have used a wedding planner for the legal side of things and there is no way we could have done it without her, well worth the money, you would only end up spending it on botox otherwise ;-).

    Our wedding is only 3 weeks away now and my main bit of advise for a destination wedding is, try to be as organised as possible and be warned the Italians DO NOT rush themselves, so have patience and try not to get stressed about it (not so easy for this control freak!!).

    Here is a link for where we are having ours as it is such a beautiful location and very reasonable. Plus they are all individual apartments so plenty of space to take your self away when family time is all getting a little much. That defo happens to us all.

    https://www.villacassiadibaccano.it/

    Good luck and remember once you have got the venue, that’s half your battle, the rest is a breeze.

    xx

  7. Hi Jenny,

    I agree with Pamela – the first bit is definitely the most frantic. There are a whole world of weddings out there and picking the one that suits you is a nervewracking experience (I found anyway!). I think its a balance of marrying up (excuse the pun!) the childhood dream of the big white wedding and actually having one!
    My advice is to trust your instincts. While input from family and friends is well meant and (sometimes!) helpful, your day should be how YOU want it, so have confidence in your desicions and go for it!

    I know exactly how you feel with family, I have divorced and remarried parents and divorced and remarried grandparents. While it’s obviously a concern that everyone will be happy on the day, I will repeat… its YOUR day! Everyone should be so wrapped up in your happiness that they behave themselves. And as back-up assign bridesmaids and ushers a family member each to keep their eye on once the wine gets flowing 😉

    I have had many a bridezilla stress-out during the planning process but when I had a mini-breakdown over bunting the other day (yes, bunting – don’t ask!!!) my H2B asked me to list the 3 things that I’ll remember about the day forever……..needless to say bunting wasn’t one of them! Concentrate on whatever those 3 things are for you and it will help, promise! We all need to take a moment out and take a deep breathe sometimes 🙂

    Good luck xxx

  8. I think it’s very wise advice not to make a decision when stressed, or drunk.

    Not at all wedding related, but I thought it would be a good idea to buy Saved By The Bell Dvd Boxset a few years ago. I say ‘good idea’ I was absolutely steaming drunk and woke up the next day oblivious. It was not one of my finest moments!

    Shirley, that sounds horrendous! What is it about weddings and funerals that brings out the worse in some people hmmmm??

    Be strong girls, stand your ground, it will be the best day of your life regardless of any family drama (fingers crossed you don’t have punch ups like at Shirleys friends wedding!)

    Jen xx

  9. I feel your pain! We are getting married next year and I’m really stressed already. So much to think about and do. My other half is only semi interested, he is too laid back. He only seems to step in when something is costing too much. I do run everything by him before making decisions though. He’s happy to listen most of the time. Its good though because he keeps me grounded, I tend to go crazy and stress out over minor things and he is always there to say ‘Sam – get a grip! Its a napkin!’ haha.
    I started with a sketch book and stuck pictures in of everything I liked an everything I had dreamed of (I’m also an only child hehe). It was then so much clearer what the vision of the day would be, I took that book everywhere with me and shown every wedding vendor that would look haha. It gives them a better sense of what your about etc. If your planning in Tuscany then maybe you can do an online moodboard that you can email to the vendors there. It does really help to have a visual, get it out of your head and onto paper 🙂 I’m a designer so I have to do it a lot, it helps loads.
    As for family, you can’t please everyone without being a bit selfish. You have to please you and your hubby to be firstly, then everyone else slots in. I know it must be hard having divorced parents. For me it was my friends, we have a lot of them in one circle and can’t afford to invite them all to the day time, so its all politics as to who gets an invite and who will be upset etc. Nightmare! I hope it all works out great in the end though. Just remember its easy to get caught up in what other people think, but the day is about you and your man 🙂

    My biggest stress to date was the wedding dress hunt, I recommend starting early if you haven’t already. I got so stressed over not being able to find ‘the one’ I made myself ill. All my bridesmaids got sick of going to dress shops in the end and I had to go solo with just my Mum – which was way more productive.

    God help how stressed we will be on the run up to the wedding haha. Only advise I can give at this stage is take time out of planning, its soooo hard to do, but just have like a week or month where you don’t plan at all. That’s what I did when all the big things were booked – give yourself a breather. You’ll be way more productive and clear minded when when you come back to it.
    Good luck with everything!!! xxx

  10. I am a bride of 2 days. We actually won a competition and have had our ceremony. We had 4 months notice. Get a wedding planner they are an invaluable resource x

  11. Hey Jenny (and Jenny)

    I’m in a similar sitution. Both mine and his parents are divorced so four sets of families, some of whom haven’t spoken in years. I desperately wanted some sort of weekend away, sharing a holiday home type wedding but it’s just too stressful with families who aren’t united.

    So it’s a simple one day affair. Each family will host their own table and I’m sure the ones who don’t speak will keep a respectful distance.

    For me the biggest heart ache is the boy is now referring to the day as The Day of Doom- he is dreading it that much. He hates being the centre of attention, doesn’t want to say vows in front of people, doesn’t want to cry, doesn’t want to do a speech, doesn’t want anyone to make him dance or even look at him whilst they’re on the dance floor….

    Am I selfish for having a reasonably big do? Probably. But our compromise is making it as relaxed and informal a day as possible; plenty of booze, no formalities, no first dance etc etc.

    The first couple of weeks are stressful but try and enjoy it… It only happens once! (hopefully) xxx

  12. @Jenny – I know! My friend is SOOO lovely as well, she deserved better than her in-laws fighting!

    @Molly – love the ‘3 most important things’ idea – its true to say that things you stress over before the wedding will be insignificant on the day and afterwards.

    My general top tips for dealing with the inevitable stress are:
    1. Write yourself a project plan. Include all the miniscule jobs. It will look massive but you’ll feel good when you tick them off and it also helps keep you focused.
    2. Plan a weekend off from wedding stuff 6-8 weeks before the day. Go away for a weekend with your man and walk the hills or something totally different. We talked about this and never did it, and I really really wish we had stuck to it.
    3. Write down the most important things about the day in priority order and stick them on the wall somewhere. For us they were ‘get married, have great photo’s/video, take an hour out during the day to sit and absorb it all’ That was it when it really came down to it. Everything else that happened was nice to have rather than essential (and no, it didn’t stop me stressing but it did help me focus on the important bits)
    4. Ask for help. Don’t be shy. You will need it! Good friends & family will want to help in some way, however small.
    5. Cry. Have a bubble bath, paint your toenails, get a fab haircut, read a trashy mag, watch gypsy weddings – whatever makes you feel better

  13. Hi Jenny,

    you say you would like the ‘Big White Wedding, but my advice would be to think about what aspects of ‘The Big White Wedding’ are actually tuging at your heart strings. If it is the big dress, then you can still have that wherever you get married. If it is the church, again, that is something you can arrange.
    With regards to the family situation, I would just say, throw the rle book out of the window, forget ‘Top Tabel Traditions’ and do whatever the hell you want. If you want huge tressle tables with everyone sat together then do it. You could even have a sweetheart table with you and your Hubster, and then everyone else sat on other tables around you! Nothing is impossible nowadays. Try and let it flow over your heads but decide between you and your partner what you want before you have discussions with people. The you can eb fir about your preferences. Also pick your battles wisely – choose the things you are most bothered about getting right, and don’t worry about the rest. Good luck, it will be a fantastic wedding 🙂

  14. I remember how stressful it can be in the beginning weeks of wedding planning, especially with the divorced parents.

    People will say that your parents love you and won’t ruin cause an issue on your day… Listen to them! My top piece of advice would be to consider not having any parents on the top table, and letting each couple “host” their own table, so you wont have a mammoth top table or disappoint anyone. My parents havent spoken a good word for the last 15 years but are now talking about “breaking the ice” the morning of our wedding, I was in shock!

    Your Tuscany wedding sounds beautiful though, but don’t forget you will need Future Husband’s support with the organising.

    Oh and definitely follow Jenny’s sound advice of girlfriends, wine and chocolate… Works wonders!

    Good luck!

  15. Jenny

    I feel your pain! I am getting married in Tuscany two weeks and myself and my fiance both have divorced parents with steps to consider!

    It was one of my biggest worries, that if they can’t all be in the same room together for our engagement do, why on earth are we planning to put them all in the same place for a minimum of three days?! The answer is because Italy was what we really wanted, and at the end of the day they are grown ups who are going to have to deal with it. And, touch wood everything has been ok with them in the run up so I am hoping it will all be fine when we get there.

    I agree with Louise that the best thing to do is go for a look around the area. I was put off by the cost of this but if you can be flexible and go mid week you can get some really cheap flights to Pisa. We looked at about 10 venues, and depending on how many guests you are expecting you should be able to find somewhere very spread out so families can be put at either end if needs be! If you would prefer everyone to find their own accomodation/stay in different hotels then go for a city centre or somewhere on the Amalfi Coast as most of the Tuscan countryside venues are literally in the middle of no where.

    This is ours… https://www.villacatignano.it/
    68 of us will be staying there and I can’t wait! My advice is to go for it if you want to make your wedding into a multi day thing where you can relax and have fun with your friends. As has been said though, the Italians do not seem to have any sense of urgency whatsoever so you have to be chilled out!! Also, if you go for the villa option then be prepared for the usual deal of you having to pay for the villa then getting all the money back from guests, this can be a bit of pain if they are all staying for different number of nights etc.

    Also your fiance might not seem all that interested now, but I would guess this is because it is still quite far off. My experience is they act best and become much more involved the closer it gets!

    Good luck!!

    Laura xx

  16. Some simple advice (probably echoing many above):
    1) focus on what really matters- you and the Mr getting married. When it comes down to it I would happily do it alone and in our PJ’s (Vicar of Dibley style!), anything else on top is just a bonus
    2) dont feel like you have to have or do anything ‘weddingy’. We’re having a bit of a trad do, but with a relaxed vibe which suits us and

  17. Some simple advice (probably echoing many above):
    1) focus on what really matters- you and the Mr getting married. When it comes down to it I would happily do it alone and in our PJ’s (Vicar of Dibley style!), anything else on top is just a bonus
    2) dont feel like you have to have or do anything ‘weddingy’. We’re having a bit of a trad do, but with a relaxed vibe which suits us and

  18. our families.
    3) if it all feels overwhelming- break it down. What can you do right now, in an hour, tomorrow, in a week? Sometimes when I get in a flap about how much is left to do I just go and make a bit more progress with the decorations I’m making and at least it feels like something is being done.

    My main reason for getting married is to get through things like this. Living together would be easy- bringing together two very different families means we get to know each other-and the families- more, and start learning compromise and good communication. All grounding for a good marrige!

  19. I say go for the destination wedding if it’s what you both want. Like people have said family will want to make your day special – I particularly liked the speech to them about not being who you thought they were but I’m not that confrontational! Get a wedding planning book and start enjoying it all!

    We got engaged 6 months ago and only booked our wedding this week. We are getting married in Sorrento and the other half has done all the organising so far. I am so excited I could pop! In fact we went on holiday for 6 weeks straight after getting engaged (an engagement honeymoon!) to the UK and India and it was Christmas so we were distracted by other things. You have plenty of time, enjoy being engaged!

    My more pressing issues are we are selling our house in the UK but we live in Sydney, I am looking for a job back in the UK as we are moving back and all I really want to do is try on dresses but I can’t get one here as won’t be here for long enough to get it delivered. I confess I had a mini melt down about this last week. Oh and living on the otherside of the world to your friends and family is a little challenging but I bet they are pleased we didn’t decide to get married here!

  20. I totally agree with Sama too – have them all host different tables. Our ‘top table’ is just another round one like all the others, and will feature me and the Mr, the bridesmaids and best man. Each parent can lord it over their own table without having to talk to each other 🙂

  21. Jenny I feel your pain!

    We are having our dream destination, Caribbean wedding next year! Even before we were engaged we knew that is where we would marry 🙂

    None of our families are divorced but we have still faced so many challenges, planning a destination wedding. We didn’t put any pressure on anyone to come as it is such a long way – we said as long as our parents and siblings where there then we would be happy. However, other guests gave us ‘definite, we wouldn’t miss it for the world’ yes’s and so our dates where restricted to school holidays etc.

    Everything was booked and organised at a cost of THOUSANDS more due to being restricted to a pricier time period. I didn’t care as it was more important to me to have those people around me.

    This week those guests have backed out, my guest numbers have halved and I’m now trying to rearrange my whole wedding to a different time!

    My point is, (after many tears at my end) that when it comes down to it … our wedding is still the one we really, really dream of and we are doing it ‘our way’. Whether those people are there or not … it isn’t about them … it’s about us 🙂

  22. I can confirm that getting your patents to host their own tables works really well. We did it just because we wanted to sit with our friends rather than parents and kids so we got my patents to host a table with the older relatives, then the girls hosted one, the boys another, my brother another and finally my cousin hosted the last. It worked really well, everyone was happy and it also made it a lot easier to do the table plan as we could separate anyone who didn’t get on extremely easily. Go for it!

  23. Jenny – I recommend sawdays.com – which is where we found our venue – as a good place to find somewhere geared up for weddings. There are some gorgeous villas and the like in Italy, which I stumbled across the other day when I was dreaming of a sunny escape and plotting our next getaway! xxx

  24. Hi Jenny

    Emily and Molly have some excellent advice from their experience, I myself have a similar story. I got married in 2010 (still love RMW as am just about to become a wedding coordinator !!!! 😀 ) and my parents don’t talk, are both remarried and it was hideously awkward at my sisters wedding 5 years before with them there.

    You have 2 options with parental issues – 1. You can do everything to situate them, to make them feel better about their problems and therefore attempt to have an easy life. Although I doubt you will get what u want, they will inevitably find something to be contentious about if that’s what they’re like.
    Option 2 then – u choose.

    When my sister got married my mum dictated where she sat and where my dad sat which meant my dad was ostracised and felt awful all day, my stepmum was stared at by the family and it was v awkward and difficult for them. I decided I would have none of that.

    I picked some key areas where we could PUT OUR FEET DOWN (like u Emily) and it worked – seating plan for example. We had no traditional family top table in fact we had 4 top tables. One for me, my gorgeous hubs and our ushers and b.maids, one for dad and my step mum, one for the inlaws and one for my mum and sisters. I told mum where I wanted her to sit but told her if that wasn’t what she wanted she could choose somewhere else – fine by me. In the end she sat where I wanted. I told her I wanted dad near me after giving me away and she could sit with us or choose a spot where she felt comfortable. It worked.

    Little victories they seem I expect but for us it meant no tears for me and my family. My inlaws were a little disappointed with the no top table business – as was Mr. M – but I asked him to explain that it was our day and quite frankly they’ve got a few months to get used to the idea and he would rather I wasn’t sobbing on our wedding day.

    I did end up crying – but from happiness. It was a great day and we loved every minute of it.

    Don’t let them make ur decisions for you Jenny, you and Mr Jenny choose. It’s your day no one else’s.

    Hope it all goes well.

    Jo (mrs M.) xxxx

  25. oh wow…only just realised this got put up! I feel very overwhelmed by all your amazing advice.
    Mr Jenny has spent the weekend talking about weddings and we have made some progress!
    Yay…will write again soon to give an update…thank you, thank you-just told Mr Jenny about me writing into rockmywedding….he looked at me in total confusion-men bless them they just don’t get it!!!

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