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Danielle & Scott: What Should We Be Doing?

Bonjour, mes amis! Today I’m talking about traditions and wedding “etiquette” because as you’re all probably well too aware by now, people love to tell you what you SHOULD be doing when getting married. As a bit of a rebel without a cause, generally being told what to do, or what not to do, makes me want to do the opposite, so some wedding “rules” are getting thrown right out of the window.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to traditions… I think it is important and beautiful to have ties to the past, but only if they are meaningful to you.

It’s a bit of a headache thinking of all things etiquette: your groom asking your father’s permission to marry you, the brides’ family extending the invitation to guests (and that general guest list headache as a whole), the bride’s father footing the whole bill (ouch, soz Dads), not seeing your fiancé the night/morning of the wedding, a white dress, wearing something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, being “given away” by your father, a long (and timely) receiving line, posed group shots, a (potentially dysfunctional) top table made up of the wedding party, speeches, cutting of the cake, first dance, tossing of the bouquet (no way will I…I’ll be clutching mine in my sleep Miss Havisham style until I die), driving off into the sunshine in a car trailing tin cans…

All of these are lovely if they are lovely to you, but Scott and I are only doing the ones which we love, or think are fun, namely spending the night apart before our wedding and keeping the dress a big secret, having my daddy walk me down the aisle (not “giving me away”, supporting me and standing by my side on one of the most important days of my life), speeches (because they are always my favourite part!) and most likely a first dance, only because we love music so very much that picking a song that is “ours” is rather a delight.

A wedding is a wedding when you have the legal part done, in my mind, there is absolutely nothing else that you have to do, other than what YOU want. Scott and I want to have an abundance of fun & joy and a great party with our loved ones. We’re positive even without all the things that traditionally make up a wedding, our guests will still know they are deep in the middle of one!

Oh, and there’s another thing I’m not doing: changing my surname. THAT is certainly an interesting thing to tell people because it seems to be a tradition which is very much expected still. I find it very difficult to express to you what my name means to me, other than my name IS me, and giving that up makes me feel like I’d be giving up a part of myself. It’s not that I don’t want to share a name with Scott, it’s just that I feel like part of who I am is my name, it’s my identity and it’s unimaginable to me to change that.

When Scott and I first discussed this, he was taken aback, he did assume that I would be taking his surname, however when I asked him, “well, would you take mine?”, he started to understand. I have a cool name: Danielle Tennant Silvestro, it’s who I am, and who I always want to be. It’s interesting, unique and has a story behind it. All of my life it has been a conversation starter, and for all of my life, it has been me. Yes, one day we might be lucky enough to have kids, and when that time comes, we’ll obviously have another discussion about what those little tykes will be called, maybe Boardman-Silvestro or Silvestro-Boardman, (soz kids)…but they will be taught the pride behind each, and if my future daughter has the same issue as I do over changing her name, then all I can do is tell her to stay true to what makes her happy.

When I was home recently (inspired by a conversation with the rest of the RMW real brides) I scanned some old family wedding pictures to share with you. I absolutely love them and have been gazing at them adoringly ever since. Look how beautiful my mum is! Not to mention my determined and awesome aunty, who got pregnant out of wedlock (the scandal!) and when she finally got round to marrying the father of her child, wore pink. It’s makes me so proud to see parts of my gutsy, stubborn, wonderful aunty in myself, and oh so very sad that she isn’t around today to see me get married in my own way, too.

Will you share with me your tradition/etiquette stories? Surely this must be the part of wedding planning which gives the most headaches and inspires the most thought, so anything that you care to share, I would be glad to read.

And any advice for preparing people that I’m not changing my last name? Should I get Ellie (ellieday_illustration on instagram) to design a badge to wear on the day stating “Danielle Tennant Silvestro 4evz!” (maybe that could be the favours haha). I am really am at a loss as to how to communicate this to people in a casual way without causing too much of a fuss. Also, any coping strategies for when someone tells me that I SHOULD be changing my name?! It may be irrational, but it is a sure fire way to send this (normally very calm) girl right over the edge…

Until next time my lovelies,

Danielle xxx

Author: Adam Crohill
Adam likes Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

53 thoughts on “Danielle & Scott: What Should We Be Doing?

  1. Hi Danielle, I totally agree with you about these traditions – it’s great to include some of them if they make you happy, but what’s the point otherwise? Like you, we’re picking the traditions that feel right and changing some to suit us better (like a joint speech from the bride and groom and walking each other down the aisle). I’ll be keeping my surname too – we got round that by putting a short, polite statement on our wedding invitation, which simply said we would both be keeping our own surnames after we’re married. I didn’t want a load of cards addressed to me with a name that would never me mine! I’m amazed at how many people still automatically assume a woman will change her name – it’s right for some, of course, but enough women keep their surnames these days that it shouldn’t be that unexpected. Not sure I can help when people tell you that you SHOULD change your name – maybe that doesn’t even deserve an answer!?

    1. Putting a note on the invites is such a good idea! Unfortunately we have already sent ours though. I hadn’t even thought that I will probably get a million cards addressed to Mr&Mrs B. I have nothing against Scott’s surname at all, but it absolutely jars me when I get referred to as the future Mrs B – that’s not me, that’s his mum!

      I know, me too, it astounds me that there is still so much expectation…I’m all for people doing what makes them happy – if that’s changing their name, fantastic, but if it’s not, equally so!

      And you’re absolutely right…it probably doesn’t even deserve a response – that will probably be my tactic from now on 🙂 x

      1. I’m already resigned to the fact we’ll get a load of cards to Mr & Mrs even though I’m not changing my name! I do need to remember to tell our photographer though as she often needs her blogs posts with a congratulations to the new Mr & Mrs X

  2. Lovely post Danielle! I am following suit with just keeping the traditions that are meaningful to us. But we are also abandoning the ‘keep the dress a secret’ as two brides we are enjoying shopping together for our dresses and somehow coordinating our very different styles to represent our most beautiful selves on the day! Also the whole last name change when marrying another woman means all bets are off! We haven’t decided yet but I know for sure I won’t be losing my last name, I’ll either keep it as it is or add my future wife’s to it. Either way it will be our choice which is what it should ultimately come down to!
    Karen xx
    ps Great surname!

    1. Hi Karen, amazing! That’s such a lovely idea going together & how great to be able to share in that very surreal life experience (I found it SO very strange standing in front of a mirror looking at myself in an actual wedding dress…how is my life at that point already?!)

      Exactly right, it’s all about choice! I hope you ladies have an amazing day, and hopefully we might get to see it on RMW at some point! xx

  3. Hi Danielle,

    Love this…I too am all for a bit of tradition but some things I don’t want to do – for me it’s a cake! I love cake but I just can’t bear the thought of spending loads of money on something that no one really pays that much attention to, particularly because we are also putting on an evening buffet.

    The name debate is an interesting one. My mum didn’t change her last name because, and I quote, ‘Keep is an awful surname!’ so she still has her rather unusual maiden name ‘Henstridge’, which, when getting married in the early 80s, was quite the shocker. She was quite the nu-age feminist back in the day…she wore a green suit to her wedding!

    Her beliefs have definitely transferred to me; I was always adamant I didn’t want to change my last name because 1. I LOVE it, it’s unusual and distinctive 2. All my nicknames are around my surname ‘Keepatron’, ‘Keepie’, or simply ‘Keep’ and 3. Why should I?! I have to admit I am reluctantly changing it for non-work purposes because James is quite traditional, but I still get that glimmer of The Keep Flag flying proudly during professional hours 🙂

    xxx

    1. Cake is one for me too Lauren…we’re not doing the cutting of the cake as I think it’s a bit naff, but we are going the opposite direction and having a huge cake table – it doubles up as our dessert table though, so I think I am being pretty efficient about things!

      Wow, your mum sounds awesome…you need to dig out those photos for us!

      Yep, like you, my surname has always been a bit of a nickname for me, and I love that. One of my bridesmaids, who got married last year, has always been known by her surname…she decided to take her husbands name having never felt a particular attachment to her own, but now that she has changed, she is glad that she still has that connection to the old because her nickname is still as it always was – a shortened version of her surname 🙂 xx

  4. Our big ‘rule’ form Mathews massive side of the family- was we couldn’t just invite just the cousins we were closer to, it was either invite them all or invite none of them. So we ended up choosing the venue we loved best on a Wednesday ( You get a lot more for your money)- inviting all the cousins anyway, with the thought that those that want to be there will be there! Happy days. Plus the more the merrier eh!?
    Also, the amount of eyebrows that are raised when you say ‘ “No there is no colour theme, the bridesmaids will all different colours” Or I’m not that bothered about being ‘given away’ – is endless. My lovely old Grandma has so far been the most excited, non- judgemental guest out of our whole families. ( Although I did get a small ‘oh….’ when I told her we wasn’t getting married in church ha-ha). Your Day Your Way.

    1. We are also having bridesmaids in different colours.. Completely different dresses actually! Also no tux for the groom which has caused a few comments but the most important people (me and him, obvs) wanted it that way 🙂

      1. Scott isn’t wearing a tux either…he’s not even wearing a suit! The way we see it is we’re getting married in a town hall & then going to the pub, so full on formal wear seems a bit out of sorts for that…although if people choose to rock up in tuxes then wahey, whatever makes you comfortable and you feel amazing in works for us! x

    2. We had a similar rule with kids – either yes or no to them all. We went with no and that has been a huge headache (that we’re still going through, ugh!)

      Haha yes, can’t count the amount of times I have been asked about colour schemes and I’ve been like “hmmm, whaaaaaaat?” we don’t have one either – matchy matchy is not for me.

      Isn’t it funny the people who surprise you the most with their acceptance? I have to admit I thought my future in father in law would have extremely traditional views but when I told him I would be keeping my surname, he turned into quite the lovely feminist! x

  5. Yes!!!!! Agree agree agree!!! I am not changing my name either and I’m really surprised so many brides still do! I don’t think I know anyone else who’s kept their name. I’m so pleased to have found someone else who thinks the same as me! I like mine too, it’s who I am ‘Henrietta Kitt’, I shouldn’t have to absorb someone else’s identity just because I’m getting married!

    1. I love your name! Personally I don’t know any of my friends who have kept their names, which is quite surprising when I think about it. I completely agree with you about absorbing someone else’s identity…it actually makes me feel a bit overwhelmed when I think about it! x

  6. Danielle, I think if someone starts telling you that you ‘should’ change your name, you have every right to go ‘over the edge’ – and I’ll be right behind you cheering! People that think it’s okay to tell someone else what they should do about something so personal like that fully deserve a short, sharp response. 😉

    1. Haha, thanks for the pep talk Kate, you’re so right! Most of the time I’m so flabbergasted by it that I’m not capable of a short, sharp response ha x

  7. Gosh, the name change thing is certainly a contentious issue, isn’t it? I AM changing mine and I feel like my female colleagues are judging me because of it. Like many professions I suppose, my industry is one where your reputation is really important. Changing your name risks losing any reputation you’d built up with your old name. People seem genuinely shocked that I’m still going to change my name at work. Lots of people legally change their name to their husbands but then keep their maiden name for work purposes. I don’t want to have a split identity – I just want to have one name. I don’t think there’s a right way to do things anymore – I think, for the most part, we live in a more accepting society of all sorts of things. Ultimately, we all make our own choices and our wedding days should be a reflection of who we are, as individuals, as couples, as families and as friends. Hx

    1. Yes Holly, this is a perfect response…do whatever you’re happy with and what is right for you. Honestly, people’s expectations of Scott & I’s wedding day has been the single most frustrating experience for me x

    2. Holly – this is pretty much the exact post I was about to write! I am also going to change my name and have found that EVERYONE has an opinion on it, and none of them are backwards in putting that opinion forwards. I am really surprised by how much backlash I have had because of my decision!

      I think the name change thing is by far the most difficult of the traditions. I will absolutely miss my maiden name – like a lot of people here, I seem to have a ton of nicknames based on it, but I figure those nicknames will endure so I won’t lose it completely. But I didn’t like the “split personality” idea of keeping it for work and not for everything else. Personally, I grew up in a family where my mum had changed her name, and from the (multiple) people I have now had this discussion with, I think this has a huge influence on your decision.

      I love the idea of being one family unit with my fiance and having the same name as my kids. To me, that’s a really exciting thing – it really marks the next chapter of my life which I can’t wait for!

      But then, I also completely understand why people wouldn’t want to change their name. It definitely isn’t necessary in this day and age, and I love the feminism of keeping your name.

      What I just can’t understand is why anyone would criticise/judge/give their own opinion on such a personal decision. But then, as I am quickly learning, people don’t see this as our wedding. They seem to think it is free rein for them to give their opinions on every aspect!!!

      1. I completely agree about the split personality – for me, it was always going to be either one way or the other.

        The criticism/judgment is eye opening, and sometimes difficult to bear, but to be honest, tends to make me all the more resolved in my decision. And like someone else commented here, down the line, it won’t even be an issue, I’m sure!

  8. P.S. I don’t think you should have any strategies to tell people why your keeping your name. You don’t have to justify it to anyone! It’s your choice and screw what anyone else thinks! And if you do get asked and want to give someone an earful, do it! You mind even change their opinion or at least get them to think twice before asking the same question to someone else!

  9. Although my fiancé and I are having a pretty traditional wedding, we aren’t fussed on the fact it’s traditional but more because we like those elements. The namechange however has caused numerous debates.

    I love the idea of double barrelling my name to show my journey (plus I’m not sure how I feel about losing it) but my other half was quite hurt by the fact I didn’t automatically want to take his name. I still haven’t, made a decision but it is not an easy one. Yes I would love his name to show our unity as a married couple (maybe I’m more traditional than I thought) but ultimately, giving up my name I’ve had my entire life is quite daunting….

    1. Yes, all for sticking to traditions if you like them! I just can’t be bothered doing things just for the sake of it…I basically want to have a lovely, meaningful ceremony followed by a day/evening eating and drinking in a brilliant pub with everyone I love…everything else is so unimportant to me.

      It’s a really hard decision to make. Like I said, Scott was quite hurt when he first learnt I didn’t want to change my name, and I think he would be far happier if we shared in a double barrel name, but honestly…Silvestro-Boardman is a MOUTHFUL and I’m not sure there is even enough boxes on official documents to cope with that (people struggle enough with Silvestro!), besides, it’s not what I want, and ultimately that’s what has made my decision. Thankfully Scott understands!

  10. I’m getting married in a blue dress, not that I was particularly looking for an ‘anything other than white’ dress, it’s just so happens I look really flippin’ good in midnight blue. I was quite surprised my Mother likes it though, as she loves a traditional white wedding dress but she knows what suits me and I think she secretly quite likes the thought of being the Mother of the Controversial Bride 😉

    When discussing the subject of changing names my other half was a bit shocked and a little dissapointed that I wasn’t keen on changing my name. He understood where I was coming from though when I explained it was because I’ve worked bloomin’ hard at building a career under my current name and I don’t really want to change that. Although he did make me chuckle when I suggested double barreling my name and he replied with ‘ Oh yes, I like that idea. Someone’s got to make us look middle class.’ Haha!

    1. Wow amazing! My dress won’t be traditional white or ivory either but it’s definitely not as statement as blue…I love seeing brides in non traditional dresses, I’m sure you will absolutely rock it!

      Haha, love the middle class comment. I have SO MANY reasons for not changing my name, and my career and the hard work I have put into it is another reason for me too 🙂 x

  11. Hi Danielle ,just randomly poped back to RMW and read your lovely post. I’m writing as somebody who double barrelled my surname after marriage and my husband did the same. I agree do what’s right for you. There is far to much pressure on people wether they go down the traditional route or not. I won’t say that both of us doing this didn’t cause any tension… But you know what two and a half years later it’s all good and been forgotten about. I was lucky in the fact my friends all knew I’d be doing this after years of wittering. We didn’t put anything in the invite just let family members and guests know as we met with them. I don’t think I actually had to raise it as it’s surprising the number of people who asked ‘ had I practiced my new signature’ or ‘are you looking forward to taking husbands your name’. These questions were always met with a firm no We’re double barrelling and a smile. I found that put a stop to too many unwanted comments! Whatever you do as long as the two of you are happy and comfortable that’s all that matters. You’re the ones who’ll be living with it. X

    1. It’s really reassuring to hear an already married point of view…I know in a few months or years, it won’t be a big deal (my frustration is that it shouldn’t be a big deal now!) but at least I know we just need to ride the wee storm & then it will just be the norm for everyone, regardless of what they thought in the beginning. x

  12. My future mother in law is very traditional and either isn’t hearing me when I say I’m not changing my name or refuses to believe me… even though I said I’m not changing my name she said “but it’s got your old surname on it” lol so I’m just going to not say anything about it. I like my name people often refer to me as my whole name or comment “what a lovely name” and I feel I’m the real Lilley with a sister in law and step mum who took it…. how did the hair and make up trial go btw? Xxx

    1. Ah, that’s frustrating, isn’t it?

      The hair & make up trials were good…actually the best thing about it was it gave me an idea of what I DON’T want rather than what I thought I maybe potentially wanted, ha. I definitely didn’t walk out there with the “on the day” look but it was helpful all the same & I’m totally confident that on the day it will be great! x

      1. I was well happy with it at the time, but I have been looking at pics of my hair since and now I’m not so sure…. i mean I want something I can’t do myself but I don’t want anything too frou frou which I’m starting to feel like it might have been… Its not too late to change it is it?

        1. Of course it’s not too late! Trials are for working out what you don’t want as much as they are for working out what you do want. Just talk to your suppliers, they’ll be able to guide you x

  13. I relate to this post on so many levels!! We have been battling against ‘but it’s tradition’ and ‘its your day do what you want… but you should do this..’ for our wedding from day one.

    We haven’t gone for a traditional venue or a church, its quite an informal venue (barn and farm buildings) and we might not do a first dance, or bother with favours (cue raised eyebrows). Like you we are not having kids at the wedding and that has caused major fireworks. Its such a shame that people cannot see beyond their own desire for your wedding and what they want from it. It seems to make some people lose all common sense! I can definitely see why people elope now!

    I am also not changing my name. I love my surname, its part of my identity and it makes no sense to me to change it. My fiance agrees I should keep it. The biggest hurdle will be his family, they will not be impressed and have been the most awkward and making a lot of demands throughout the wedding planning process (even though we are paying for the wedding ourselves!). Maybe we don’t need to tell them?!

    Good luck with the rest of your wedding prep!

    1. The no kids thing is so hard, right? I feel bad but our whole thing has always been who can’t we imagine getting married without? and when numbers are tight anyway, it’s hard to include wee kids in that!

      Good luck with the rest of your planning too! x

      1. Yes, its really tough and totally divides opinion. The majority of our guests have been cool about it and seen it as a night off, they understand that we are limited by numbers (65) and that including all children bumps our numbers up by 15 (!!). The kids of our family and friends are all really young too, eldest is 4 and most are 1-2.5 years old. We feel adult friends are more likely to remember the day, and its best to have one rule for all rather than treating guests differently, but maybe that’s just our take! Have you had a lot of resistance on this point? x

        1. We don’t know that many people with kids – my oldest friend has two wee ones and she is quite happy to come down & have a weekend off with her other half, but I have two different friends who will have tiny little ones on the day, and I think it’s more a not being ready to be apart from them than anything else. Problem is with our venue no matter how small they are, they are still counted as a whole human, so we just can’t justify it when we already can’t invite everyone that we would like to! Plus…it’s not fair to say yes to two babies and say to my other friend that she can’t bring her kids. I think the parents seem to understand it’s more my parents generation we’re experiencing the resistance from! x

  14. I completely agree with you. We are receiving some very interesting responses because we have decided to have a late ceremony straight into a big party instead of a sit down meal, I have also decided to only have a Maid of Honour instead of bridesmaids and no colour scheme. Lots of people keep telling me how much I’ll regret this!! Madness!! Xx

    1. OMG, I was originally only having a maid of honour and no bridesmaids but the backlash I got from my mate who I was maid of honour was insane honestly she went mental which I thought was weird I mean why would you beg to be someones bridesmaid?…. needless to say i have a bridesmaid and a maid of honour lol

    2. Oh really? That’s madness! I think a late ceremony is a smart idea…sometimes there is a lot of standing around/extra time in a wedding! x

  15. Great to hear your thoughts. I do agree with most of your thoughts. I have decided to take my partners last name. But you are right in everything u said. Ive had people telling me what to do and what not to do from day one. I had hatred when we decided on a small family only wedding. Then our celebratory dinner days later got the flick because everything was being organised for everyone else and nothing we wanted seemed to matter to anyone else. So we pulled the pin on the party. I dont want to wear a veil because it symbolises something unnessecary to me. We will sleep in the same bed the night before the wedding. Stay true to what u want. The moment we stopped trying to do things to please others- was the moment the wedding stress almost disappeared.

    1. So glad you guys are staying true to what you want…it can be hard at times when you are met with opposition or even just strong opinions, but I keep telling myself that on the day, no one is going to be judging because they will realise the vision & they will just be having great fun!

      Unfortunately for me wedding stress still follows regardless because I am so busy that finding time to plan is a struggle! That plus guest list & budget problems are always a joy 🙂 x

  16. Hi! It’s a really interesting issue the name change thing. As others have said it’s surprising how few people keep their name or don’t consider double barreling. My fiance wasn’t overly surprised when I said I would keep my surname if he didn’t consider double-barreling his as my name has always been a conversation starter and feels so part of me – Elizabeth Taylor. I always assumed I’d just keep my name if I got married but once engaged I felt I wanted to mark the joining of both of us and the next stage in our life so we are both going to be Taylor-Doyle, though I will keep my maiden name at work! x

  17. Morning Elizabeth…I love your solution and had either of us had a slightly shorter surname, I probably would have considered that – it’s the losing of Silvestro and the identity with it, that I can’t bear. Taylor-Doyle is lovely though, and really works! x

  18. First off, great article! I can totally understand the name thing but I’m on the other side of the fence and actively cannot wait to change my surname. The only downside is that my new name doesn’t flow as well…Monique English…but ah well can’t have it all!
    As for other traditions, we have ditched a lot of them or altered them. My brother will walk me in as we aren’t close to our father. He will also give the speech in lieu of father of the bride! I was adamant I wanted something old, new, borrowed and blue but had a pinky ring (so not me…) forced on me by my MiL before I got to say that I’d wanted to wear the ring my grandmother gave me for my graduation as she cannot travel to the wedding. We’ve ditched a lot of the traditions (and managed to avoid others) because we are getting married in Italy. It also means that we are incorporating Italian traditions like the walk through the streets for the bride and groom into the day!

    1. Hi Monique, I do get that – as much as I love my name, I know a lot of people who have actively grown up disliking their names, so I guess it can be a positive thing as much as it can be a negative 🙂

      I think Monique English sounds lovely!

      Oh wow, an Italian wedding – that will be amazing! As you can probably tell from my name, I have Italian connections so that sounds super special to me. Enjoy the planning and have the most amazing day x

  19. Hi Danielle, I’m so so happy you wrote this post! I’m also not wanting to change my name and I’ve been getting a few eye brow raises at the double barrel option, but I feel super strongly that I shouldn’t have to give up part of our identity and Mrs Gurney is my mother in law! Stay strong ladies! Double barrel or don’t take it at all if you don’t want to. Good luck with the rest of the planning. x

  20. I’m so glad to read your post! I don’t want to give up my name either, and am struggling with people who just find that idea wrong (namely family-in-law!). Perhaps if we have kids my thinking will change, but right now I don’t want to change it. I am unsure about some parts though- do I still call myself a Mrs or go for and or what! Still, I think doing what you want should always be the starter!

    1. Hi Kay! Yes, will I be a Mrs, or Ms or what? Who knows! Mrs Silvestro doesn’t really feel right to me either as that’s my mum, so I think I will be known as Ms Silvestro…but basically I have a feeling I’ll be getting an awful lot of variations of signatories and surnames from now on out! x

  21. One big tradition that my fiance has put his foot down on: Cutting The Cake. I mean, WHAT is the point? Don’t get me wrong, I love a good cake. We will be having a lovely one with a few tiers (mum has a friend who is making it for us!). But standing around with a special knife and smiling while you pretend to cut it….WHY BOTHER? It seems to me just another thing that would need to go in the day’s schedule – i.e. getting in the way of socialising and chatting. I just want to enjoy the day – not constantly be running around having to do things.

    I am not sold on the first dance either. We will probably bob about for a bit when the band first start, but I don’t intend to be alone for long.

    I totally agree with picking traditions that you want to honour. My dad, for example, cannot wait to “give me away”/walk me down the aisle, and give his speech, and it was so important to him that my fiance asked permission to marry me. And because I love him, I want those traditions in the wedding. We’ll also not be spending the night before the wedding together. Frankly, this is just because I just want space to get up int he morning and start getting ready! If I know my fiance, he will be having a nice lie in which does NOT fit well with my plans!! I quite like a good elbows-out bouquet toss, so that may make an appearance, although I wont be scheduling it (for the same reasons as above).

    One tradition that will very firmly be at our wedding: LOTS OF CHAMPERS!

    1. So with you on WHAT is the point?! I really need to make a schedule of the day and make it clear to EVERYONE that I see no need for a cutting of the cake so that it doesn’t just accidentally happen.

      Obviously, I think the tradition is not for me, but I also shouldn’t be trusted with a knife near a pretty dress…

      The first dance thing I could honestly do without, if I didn’t love music so much. I love the idea of picking a meaningful song, but the actual thought of getting on the dancefloor in front of everyone makes me want to puke. Like you, we’ll be bobbing around for a minute and then getting everyone to join us!

      I am so with you on having Scott out of the way on wedding morning and ALL OF THE CHAMPERS! x

      1. Haha – right now, the idea of ALL OF THE CHAMPERS is all that’s keeping me going. I’ll be honest – even though everyone warned me that people would have opinions on everything we decide, I had NO IDEA how bad it would actually be!! Wedding planning is judgey face central!!

        Even though I originally vowed to do everything our way, I am discovering that part of what makes us happy is making other people happy…so a few things have snuck in for that reason. With traditions which we don’t absolutely hate, I am happy to have if it means we deal with less judgey faces.

        First dance – the only song that means a lot to us is Mr Brightside by The Killers. And I don’t really want to be alone on the dancefloor with that one. I have just come up with the idea (as I type) of having it at the very end, to be the last thing I remember about our wedding, with everyone on the floor! That might be a winning idea!

  22. All so true Danielle! It’s amazing how the second you get engaged everyone seems to have an opinion on what you should or shouldn’t do. We’re literally getting married in a pub though so it’s not exactly going to be the most traditional of weddings, so like you myself and my other half are picking and choosing the traditions we do and don’t want although we haven’t even discussed cutting the cake yet (you’re so right, what IS the point?!).

    I didn’t think the surname thing would bother me because I want to have the same name as my children, but a couple of months after getting engaged it suddenly hit me that if I change my name then I’m not me I’ve been all my life! I spent several weeks agonising over it, which I think my fiance was a bit hurt about but understood (thankfully), and we discussed double barelling. Ultimately in our case though I realised that asking him to change his name, even just by adding my name to it, was asking him to give up a link to his brother who passed away as a teenager. Plus, if I’m being honest, our surnames would be a bit of a mouthful joined together!

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