Sometimes The Road Gets A Little Bumpy.

Ever since Annie’s comment on this post (where the lovely lady herself pointed out that she had yet to see a post on a wedding blog about couples arguing) I have been all over it like a badger round a shed. I’ve been going over and over the topic in my head and in my notepad. Trying to remember all of the (what felt like) hundreds of arguments Gavin and I had during our engagement.

You see you have to understand that I am in the first year of the marriage love bubble. That’s right. Love bubble. And we’ve been in here since precisely the 27th of May 2011. Anyone who knows it will tell you that, much like having children (I assume) you are in such a state of loved up bliss that you struggle to remember the pain and trauma it all caused way back when. But over the last few days, I’ve been thinking. Thinking and waiting for the ability to take off my rose tinted honeymoon sunglasses, part the marital curtain, gaze back into the depths of our engagement and wait for the inspiration to smack me right in the kisser.

And naturally, it has. At 5:55am. So here I sit, in my study, with the morning sun beating through the windows, a cup of tea and a couple of ginger nuts to hand (that’s ok at this time of the night/morning, right?), ready to talk to you about something a little more gritty than pretty. But very very real.

In the world of wedding land, we are constantly surrounded with beautiful imagery, love, support, inspiration and the thought that everyone looks so gloriously happy on their wedding day.

So what happens when you peel your big happy woman face away from the computer screen only to be faced with another argument that goes something like “You should be cooking dinner tonight! I’ve cut out 2,643 envelope labels!” / “I can’t go for a drink because we have to save, but you can spend 50 quid a month on wedding magazines?” / “Your mother is being impossible about everything” / “You can’t invite them because then we’ll have to invite them!”

And you look into the face of the person you’re yelling at and want to squish their head like a garden pea instead of cuddle into their bones.

In fact, I can honestly tell you all now that Gavin and I went through more turmoil in our engagement than in the history of our relationship together. I am well aware that not every couple is the same. That some of you might just effortlessly sail through the whole process, while us mere mortals are sometimes trying to decide if it’s actually possible to have a wedding without the groom.

At the time, both Gavin and I admitted to having serious doubts as to whether or not we really were meant to walk up that aisle. I have no shame in admitting this. It was tough. You’re operating on lack of sleep (thank you wedding nightmares), lack of money, lack of time, lack of social life and lack of perspective. You become engrossed in planning the wedding. You become frustrated that your man isn’t as ‘into it’. Your man becomes frustrated with how ‘into it’ you are. You have issues to deal with that can potentially affect the emotions and dynamics of your family and friends. You have to change your lifestyle in order to afford anything. When you look at it on paper, that whole process equates to a pretty stressful time.

Throw in a bunch of loved up moments on the sofa together, lightening strikes of inspiration, massive senses of achievement and the knowledge that your working hard for a beautiful future together and you’ve got your self a mega-huge-emotional-roller-coaster that sometimes shudders and breaks down on you. Now you have two choices, be carried off the roller coaster into the sunset by a buff fireman or stick out the roller coaster with your beloved and come off it on the biggest loved up adrenaline high you’ve ever felt.

I chose option two. And boy am I glad I did. My heart swells so full of love for Gavin that sometimes I feel like my body isn’t made for it. I love him more now that I ever have and I honestly believe that love has been born of all the difficult times as well as the delightful times. But when I think back on it, he was a nightmare during our wedding planning. He would stress out about money constantly and rightly so. We were skint! And he was pulling 12 hour shifts to make ends meet while I spent money on things like heart shaped hole punches and 64 colours of ribbon. On the flip side, I was a complete huff monster.

In fact, I was probably the Queen of Huff. I would happily lose hours to wedding planning and blogging, laugh my head off at the computer screen and then Gavin would say one little thing that p*ssed me off and that was it. Death Silence. Which was generally followed by Cleaning Rage where I would slam everything that had a door. Which would sometimes evolve into Snide Remarking when my slamming antics were met with ignorance and indifference from Gavin. Eventually he would bite and the whole thing would end in Cryin’ Eyes where I would crack and sob all my worldly woes. Poor Gavin had just been through an emotional sh*t storm in about 10 mins and the woman he’d asked to marry was a wreck. And you know what? Apparently that’s normal.

So are the screaming arguments. My beautiful friend Selina said something to me years ago that has always made a whole lot of sense to me. “It’s ok to argue. You want to be with someone who has their hand on your back pushing you toward the right thing the whole time, but they shouldn’t have to take your sh*t and they shouldn’t be afraid to put your back in your box when you’re wrong.” She’s right. You need to keep each other balanced and sometimes that means you end up saying things that hurt and cause arguments. Just try not to say things that hurt for no reason.

I’d like you share something with you all. It’s quite personal and I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this before. But I feel this post is the right place to put it. Gavin and I had a little phrase we used throughout the planning of our wedding. It was a disarming phrase that was used in the middle of many an argument that would instantly make me gain perspective on everything and see that the whole ordeal need not be as serious as I was making it out to be.

“Keep it light”.

We would say this to each other pretty regularly. It was our way of reminding each other to have fun, lighten the load, laugh it off and remember to enjoy our engagement. We also made an effort to talk-it-out all the time, go for walks together when one of us was stressed out and pep talk each other through the difficult bits. If you can do all this and shrug off the occasional rant/rave/bicker then I honestly believe that, like me, you’ll be looking back, straining to peer through the glossy marital love bubble and struggling to remember what the holy fudge balls you ever argued about back then.

Until 7 months later a $300 speeding ticket arrives through your door of your Perth apartment with your husbands big stupid man face behind the wheel in the picture!!! Seriously. $300.

The thing is, throughout your life, arguments are only as serious as you let them become. So try to keep them in perspective, enjoy your engagement, laugh it off and ‘keep it light’.

What about you lot then?

Are you having any more arguments these days?

Finding yourself a bit of an Emotional Emily?

Do you have a tactic to stop arguments arising?

Let’s get a good old RMW discussion going. I think it will make us all feel better to know we’re not the only ones having the occasional barney…

Naomi xo

Author: Naomi Liddell

64 thoughts on “Sometimes The Road Gets A Little Bumpy.

  1. What a heartfelt and timely post- me and the boy get married in 22days!! And I can’t wait! I keep waiting for the stressful time to come everyone says how stressful planning a wedding is – but lukckily so far it’s been fun the boy has been amazing- but yes along the way there have been arguments big arguements- stupid arguements mainly about such little unimportant things- when these have happened I always have a moment just a second when I think why are we doing this no one should argue about table plans / invites are we really meant to be…then I remember that these arguemens show we are passionate and care and want everything to be perfect- when in fact it already is….it’s good to read a post that reminds you you are normal and so is arguing! It’s strange how a post about arguing has put a smile on my face! Happy Friday xx

  2. Hi,
    I’ve never replied to a post on RMW before, even though I am quickly becoming an addict (have to get my daily fix on the train, sometimes more). But I HAD to respond to this! We are getting married in 6 weeks and it is so great to hear that we are normal, and like other couples have our arguments and door slamming episodes! Such a great piece, it has put a smile on my face for the day, I now resolve to ‘keep it light’ wherever possible!!
    Good job Girly!

  3. You’re asking if anyone is emotional? I, sitting on the very early train to get to London that makes me everso tired had to just look out of the window for five minutes to pull myself together after the ‘sometimes I feel like my body isn’t made for it’ bit (I love how you write….how all you ladies – and Adam – write), so I’d say affirmative.

    Thanks for this post Naomi, it’s good to know it’s not all sunshine and kittens and other halves who are amazingly creative/graphic designers/care about favours. It’s real life. I love the boy to the ends of the earth and know he does too, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to pick up a kitchen knife on a pretty regular basis. The job I’ve been in about 9 months, that pays well and means we can even get married (well pay it off in reasonable time) is killing me, working stupid hours which doesn’t leave much energy for weddings and = short fuse. I actually said to a friend the other day I really want to enjoy this time and look back on it with fondness, just need somehting to give.

    Add to that my beautiful, beautiful Mum has got cnacer and the appointment is looming to find out if her last lot of treatement has been successful. My wedding’s in June and I just want us all to be able to enjoy it and forget about drugs and hospitals and the uncertainty and fragility of everything. It’s taken so much form everyone in the last 18 months.

    And pausing for a minute (more looking out of the window) and thinking about all of this, I wonder where I’d be without him. The man who comes up to my little home office at 7pm with a glass of wine and enticing smells coming from the kitchen, who listens to me moan about people and things he’s never heard of or met, who I have the best time with and who – even tries to feign interest in what colour the bridesmaid’s dresses might be.

    Roll on 22nd of June and get me into that bubble. Actually, hang on, I think I just got into it already.

    C xx

  4. I am an emotional Emily 🙂

    Love your writing style Naomi and it couldn’t have come at a better time, I too am suffering from petty wedding arguments (recently it has been about…candles) so it’s great to put things in perspective.

    Great post Xx

  5. F*ck sticks, sorry I didn’t realise that was so long.

    Was blimmin’ cathartic though. Today is going to be a good day x

  6. I remember when we first got engaged and I was definitely in a bubble, I wouldn’t even get annoyed about changing the bin for the 4th time in a row.

    The feeling wore off a bit just around the time his family were trying to invite random uncles who didn’t even know my name…but then my grandad suddenly passed away, and on the way to his funeral we crashed on the motorway and as we stood in the driving rain whilst they closed the motorway to recover the car I realised nothing else really mattered and from that point I have been surprisingly zen about the whole thing. I wouldn’t recommend a near death experience to stop the arguments, but just to say they are definitely normal and no matter what when it really counts you’ll have each other – maybe that’s why we all argue as you know you’ll make up!

  7. I’m so flipping glad that this has been posted and by my favourite blogging rock chick!
    The run up to our wedding was not all wine and roses and I thought I was a crazy woman ( guy still does) we both work long and hard hours for the same company so there is already stress and pressure there then add a DIY wedding to the mix there were a lot of fireworks! I turned into a wedding planning monster my whole time was spent researching and mood boards which guy really wasn’t into which I thought meant he didn’t give a crap about the wedding. There were even a few “let’s just cancel the f***ing wedding” but then after a few tears and a few wonderful kind words we managed to pull it off.
    I never thought getting married would make any difference to our relationship but it has it has made us stronger and makes us sort out our differences and my crazy woman outbursts!

    Thank you for this very personal and honest post it makes me feel normal as the wedding blogging world does portray that everything is all love, romance and fluffy clouds

  8. @Carrie huge love coming your way, I really hope everything has worked and your mum’s appointment will be a happy one xx

  9. I agree with all of the above, so so refreshing and honest! At 21 people often say we haven’t experienced that much of the world (which is pretty accurate) but at the same time I have experienced the last five years of the rollercoaster we call life with my best friend, suprise suprise there have been a fair few arguments along the way!
    In our first couple of hours of engaged bliss when no-one else in the world knew we were engaged I challenged the boy to remember that moment and why we were so happy, because that’s why we’re putting ourselves through this where’s-the-money-coming-from, who-can-we-chop-off-the-guest-list, did-your-Mum-really-just-say-that extreme pressure isn’t it?! The word challenge has been uttered more in the last 8 months than we both expected, sometimes screamed, sometimes mouthed silently so no one else sees but it’s our word that takes us right back to that very happy day and helps us to be grounded for the one that is fast approaching.
    Thanks for making us all talk about this and ‘fess up that not all aspects of wedding planning will be missed after the big day!

  10. I too have never replied to a post on RMW despite me being on here on a daily basis viewing all the lovely wedding pics and thinking all of these couples look so happy and wondering if any of these have had so many arguments through their engagements. So thanks, Naomi, I feel kinda relieved that it’s not just me and my man and it’s normal to argue a bit more at such a stressful time. I hate to admit it, but yes, I’m a bit of an Emotional Emily despite my ‘carefree’ facade (which apparently fools no one, or so I’ve been told)!

  11. This just made my heart do a little dance. I’m finding that engagement really is a time where you are giving your emotions a huge work out to see if you can really survive a lifetime together. Things are being sent to try you and like you say Naomi. Do you scarper down the easy option and off with that fireman… Or do you both keep it light, get closer and nestle down for a happy lifetime together.

    I’ve been nervous about how I’d feel after the wedding but hearing you talk of life as a newly-wed I’m now mega excited!

    Thanks for the great start to the weekend.


  12. Right you lot, it’s 5:00pm in Upside Down Land and I’m heading out for a run. But I will be back, showered and feeding my face in front of the computer replying to you in no time.

    I love how on board you all are.

    @Carrie – You don’t know it… but I’m giving you a really big bear hug. I have a friend who’s just been diagnosed with a brain tumor so I absolutely understand how uncertain everything is. It will get better. Stay positive and make your Mama proud.

  13. Today I am one week from marrying my best friend and after fighting last night that another list of jobs were not finsihed by the groom to be and a serious discussion this morning on the way to work that we should just elope, this post could not have come at a better time. I am very much guilty of concentrating on the lists but missing the fact that on his day off he got out of bed early to make me breakfast and drop me to work.

    The whole way through reading I was thinking, oh I have to comment on how that is so me or so us but I would have had to copy the entire blog.

    I think that a big part of the differences of opinion between us and the planning is that I have lived a very lucky existence and I certainly get carried away in the dream world where everything is perfect, whereas he lost his parents when he was 21 and then 24 and realises that there are much more important things than tying ribbon around glass jars!

    Thank you for being so honest and for making me cry at work (not my best look ever) and I cannot wait to get home to give him a big hug and ignore the lists for the first evening in months and sit on the couch with a glass of wine watching a movie or go to the cinema.

    Rock My Wedding, you Rock My World.
    R x

  14. Hi there
    Good post!

    I just want to know, am I the only one post wedding who had possibly the worst first year of marriage.
    I found this year to be difficult and at times I could have so easily walked away. We both said and did things we regret and things that neither of us could say they were proud of.

    Honeymoon tinted glasses I think not. Although maybe I am the exception – the beginning of married life took so much getting used too, compromises and adjustments with that constant question in my mind of it this really worth it? closly followed by, Is this it? Is this as good as it is going to get?

    I still have days when I think this. But then look at him and believe that I could not love anyone more and no one will love me like he does. We have made it past the first year and its getting better.

    I would not want all other readers to think everyone is super happy just after the wedding, what about those who are not?

    What if you do not have a child right away and just continue to live together with one extra ring on your finger, a huge debt and changing your name (see alo giving up your independance and identity)? And what if it is just the same or worse you feel trapped now, due to said ring like I did.

    Am I alone in feeling like this?

  15. Ah Naomi, I love how refreshingly honest you are. I do find it frustrating sometimes that wedding blogs tend to only show the happy, glossy side of things when in reality, it can be a total nightmare!

    We’ve been engaged for over two years, we needed it in order to save but we’re now 11 weeks away and I wish we’d just gone off and done it by ourselves. Luckily we’re not having too many blazing rows although, I have lost my temper a couple of times over the fact that he still hasn’t done those two tiny jobs that I’ve mentioned TWELVE TIMES!! Unfortunately though between certain family members being horrific, my Dad being very poorly, money worries, him working night shifts and me doing 12 hour days, it’s starting to become unbearable.

    All I’m trying to focus on now is the 29th May when me and my Husband will be flying off for our 3 week honeymoon where we can just relax and really enjoy being with eachother (and I get to drink a LOT of wine!) x

  16. Amazing post- building the evidence for why RMW is the best wedding blog on the planet!

    @Carrie. I am so so sorry to hear this. Will be thinking of you, man and mum today and sending you lots of good wishes for good news. xx

    Another thing that stressed me out massively was the hanger- if anyone is trying to lose weight for the big flippin day then being hangry (hungry + angry for the innocent) can cause trouble at the drop of the proverbial hat. 3 days before the wedding I had a complete hanger meltdown over something so tiny I don’t even remember what it was now. I stormed out of the house, and all I wanted was a curly wurly. It was ten at night, and I drove to four different petrol stations looking for a sodding curly wurly- there were none to be had for love nor money in Southampton. Got home to a white faced and freaked out man who thought I’d given up on the whole thing, and who gave me a big cuddle while I sobbed away about the lack of this stupid chocolate bar, when really I was crying because I was so tired, hungry and stressed out- and I had nobody but myself to blame.

    How ridiculous is that? How STUPID was I. But he was still there and still lovely 🙂 And on my wedding morning, there was a ten pack of bloody curly wurlies wrapped up and waiting for me by my bedside. It was almost worth me being such an epic d*ckhead for the making up. 😀


  17. A great piece Naomi and thank you! Such an honest piece and so refreshing to hear from the RMW community that its not only me and the boy going through it!

    We have handled it pretty well but I am the emotional Emily and a bit (a lot!) wedding obsessed whereas he on the other hand is not and that can be really stressful. Whilst I Iove love the wedding planning I am looking forward to the stress and money worries coming to an end and getting back to just me and him the way it has worked best for 9years! I am so pleased to hear about the newlywed side and can’t wait to get there!


  18. Ahhh, well done Annie for prompting this post, and well done Naomi for writing it so nicely!

    Surely the couple who don’t argue throughout some part of the wedding planning process are robots/void of emotion/freaks?? It must happen for everyone- and the situation is only exacerbated because you’re aware of how ‘in love’ and ‘happy’ you’re supposed to be at this point in your relationship.

    Our ‘bubble of bliss’ lasted a total of a week… and then the arguments started. In my case the boyf felt like now he’d asked the question we didn’t have to talk about it for a little while- (“It’s 16 months away!” was his favouite phrase). Whereas, of course, there is a lot of initial talking that has to be done. It riled me so much I wrote my first ever blog post about it!

    I tell myself it’s healthy… and surely must make the joy of the wedding day itself even sweeter! xx

  19. What a great post – I have been engaged for about 18 months, and we’ve never had so many petty arguements. Even when we’re having them I know they’re pointless! Definitely need to remember to ‘keep it light’, at the end of the day it doesnt matter who has put more work into the wedding, or who has to contact the florist..cake lady… etc. We are finally on the homeward stretch to the ‘bubble’ and I can’t wait! xx

  20. Wanted to add- the “bubble” sometimes doesn’t happen either, whether down to outside events or nasty happenings. Arguments happen, stress happens, tears fall and people shout- life isn’t a fairytale ending unfortunately. xxx

  21. Well it’s 6 months til our day and I can feel myself getting on board that emotional rollercoaster. Wedding nightmares? Check. Irritation at how not in to it he is? Check. So scared by how much DIY there is to do that I haven’t started yet? Check.

    It’s so good to know I’m not alone in this 😀

  22. What a perfectly timed post – I have just got to work in the almightiest of huffs after a wedding-related row with the boy which took place at 7am this morning!
    (Please excuse the following rant…) In the last 4 months I have done the following: Booked the venue, the photographer, the dj, the car, ordered my dress and 4 bridesmaid dresses (involving not one, but two, 8 hour shopping trips), decided on flowers, started growing said flowers and started making the 120 candles I intend to use as favours.
    The boy has had 1 job. To book the accommodation for the wedding night. Has he done it?????????? NO!!!! This has vexed me greatly, but as someone who ‘leans towards’ being a control freak and doesn’t let people help I resolved to ignore it and not take responsibility, hoping that he would eventually sort it out.
    Now, I know I’m not perfect… I’m prone to the odd huff myself if I’m honest. Yes, I cried when I had a venue wobble before booking it, and yes, I cried over my dress several times. I even nearly cried over what colour stamp to buy for our wedding stationery (and yes, I’m an emotional wreck!!). But would I be less stressed if he took more responsilibity??? YES!!!!!!
    Don’t get me wrong, I love said boy more than I can say, but sometimes, just sometimes, I want to take an almighty wet fish and slap him round the face with it!!!! Most of the time his lack of organisation and my desire to get my own way all the time works a treat, but when the load gets too much and the wedding nightmares start (I dreamt the other day I was walking down the aisle in Mario Kart land and all my guests were wii people!!!!!!!) it makes me want to scream!!!!!!
    OK, rant over! Thanks for that, I feel tons better! xxx

  23. Luckily for me we are still at the finding a venue exciting stage, but I know there will be arguments along the way mainly due to I think not having enough time when he works more than full time and I run my own business which is not full time but ‘full life’.

    So we made a pact, Naomi much like the new years resolution i told you about once. Every time or day we talk about the wedding we must have one huge snog, a proper kiss with tongues like when you were teenagers. I highly recommend this to everyone.

    We’ve also given ourselves a lot of time before the wedding to create what we want, we’re attempting to divide all stuff up into monthly projects in an attempt to be organised. If it works i shall let you know August 2013!

  24. I am typing this on the down-low from behind my desk at work but some things are more important, right!? I got married in July last year and I can honestly tell you that the planning had high points and some definate lows.

    My Fiances Cousin decided a few months before our impending nuptuals that she would book her own wedding two weeks before ours to take advantage of the fact that her brother was flying over from the other side of the world to be at our wedding. I was gutted. I saw this as the ultimate in thunder stealing. She was inviting the same guests and however much they tried to play it down I just wasn’t on board.

    Then, two weeks before our wedding my Mum split up with her husband. I had to re-arrange the lot-hotel rooms, transport, readings- as he was supposed to be speaking during the ceremony, table plans, etc. But on top of this I had to support my Mum. At a time when I really need her. And there were days when I didnt think she would be there to see me get married. She was in total meltdown and I was a whirlwind of emotions-sadness, anger, resentment, more anger and a dusting of rage!

    Yes, there were times when I cried myself into a heap on my bedroom floor and I clearly remember two occasions when I nearly called the whole thing off-because nothing was worth this stress…or was it? Well, it was. Mr.M pulled me through and on the day itself none of the sh*te mattered. It didnt even cross my mind.

    To all you on this rollercoster ride, I completely understand that no matter what it is, its the biggest thing in your world right there and then. For me it was the thunder stealing Cousin and the break-up of my Mums marriage but for others it might be the DIY nightmare from hell (just those letters in that order make me feel slightly nauseous!)… but keep the faith and stick to your guns, after all, this is character building, right?!

    and P.S…No one steals my thunder! 🙂

  25. @Carrie – BIG big love and support to you and your family, weddings are stressful enough without health worries so I sincerely hope your mum’s appointment is good news and you can all look forward to the happy event of your wedding together with less weight on your shoulders.

    This is a fantastic post, and very timely! I have been to 10 weddings over the last couple of years of good friends but rarely did I get any view of the stress or arguments that they had probably encountered in the run up, so when we got engaged and the stress descended I worried that maybe we weren’t up to ‘it’ and somehow what we had wasn’t as strong as all the couples I’d watched look gooey eyed at each other at various venues across the country. THANK GOODNESS to hear that everyone has the high pressure frustrating hair pulling moments with their husband to be and that it’s not just me having wedding anxiety dreams on a regular basis!! I think we are through the worst of it though and steaming towards the big day together feeling very positive indeed that it’s the right thing and we are supposed to be together – am looking forward to the post marital bliss!!

  26. Ok, so just cried whilst my head is covered in tin foil in the hair salon – slightly embarrassing.

    Thank you Naomi, I’m going to get mr.j to read your post, so he knows I’m not a)mental b)every girl gets a bit obsessed c)it doesn’t matter if it’s 18months away we NEED to talk about it!!

    This week, we’ve had a ‘discussion’ about why I want to get married in church (which we’ve booked), which got rather emotional, I cried (naturally!), to us going to visit a venue I didn’t think he was going to like……we loved the venue.

    The manager then told us we could actually get married there. I cried again. Roller coaster baby, who’s gonna ride?

    Anyway. Looks like the church is probably off. And we’re potentially going to get married in what our parents will look at and think ‘pub’. Do I care? Not really, I just want to marry my man in a place we feel comfortable, tell him in front of anyone that wants to listen that I love him, dance a bit and drink wine in the (hopefully) sunshine.

    I really do ramble. x.

    P.s. Carrie – so much love and hugs for you at this emotional worrying time xxx

  27. @Eva – what a brave post, thank you for sharing. I am not married yet and the only cross words we have had have been about me not wanting to change my name. It turns out it would be such a big deal to my Fiancé that I have agreed to change it.

    As for wedding planning – I think I have been very lucky in that, so far, there have been no stresses. I am organising most of it because I want to and I am good at it! All that the groom has to do he has done so far – we shall see how it all works out!

  28. Simply…. thank you.

    I like to think of our engagement/ wedding planning stage as pushing a heavy trolley up a hill. At first you don’t mind the weight of heavy burden, because it’s all new and exciting, but as the hill get’s steeper and time goes on the burden can become a little overwhelming and you can get frustrated. But once you reach the top of that hill, you can jump in that trolley, and ride it down that hill with all the fun and excitement without a care!

    At the moment I have 12 weeks to go, and I reckon I am just about reaching the steepest point of that hill. But in 2 weeks it’s my hen party and I will be more than ready by this point to jump in that trolley and enjoy the ride of the last few weeks without looking back!! 🙂 xx

  29. Hello hello! I’m back from my run, but not yet showered, so I apologise if you can smell me from over there. I just couldn’t wait to see what you lot were saying.

    @Eva – I’m so sorry to hear that you had a crappy first year. By the rose tinted honeymoon sunglasses, I was talking from my point of view. Our first year has been great, but I do not take for granted that every year will be the same. Maybe we’ll hit a brick wall in future? Maybe you just got a raw deal on the first year of marriage front? I’m not sure.

    I don’t think you’re alone as a lot of women suffer from a post wedding anti-climax. The ‘this is it?’ syndrome. The only way I think I would combat that is to refocus on all the small things you like to do together and make an effort to surprise each other. Shake up the daily grind a bit and see if it reignites the sparks.

    But one thing I’ve picked up from your comment is that you said “it’s getting better”. Try to focus on that and move forward thinking positively about your future. Best advice I can give you? Talk it all out with your husband.

    @LucyS – Hanger… do not be surprised to see me use this in future! I suffer severely from the hanger. To the point that Gavin jokes he keeps crackers in his pocket to feed me when I get angry. I’m totally after a Curly Wurly right now. Wonder where my nearest petrol station is…

    @Christie – 29th May? That’s two days after our 1st wedding anniversary!

    @One Jolly Girl – I love your snogging pledge. It makes me want to grab Gavin and give him a big ole wet smooch.

    @Everyone else – I’m glad the post has served as some kind of relief for you all. Be under no illusion that getting married solves problems. You still will more than likely have the odd argument. ($300 fine anyone?!!) But from this side of the fence, we’re definitely more relaxed and… well… solid. I suppose.

    Gavin’s posting up about his take on our first year of marriage over on my blog this afternoon. Interesting read.

    As for wedding nightmares – I used to dream that I was marrying my ex *shudder* and then wake up so relieved to see Gavin beside me.

    1. @Carrie – I also hadn’t read the other comments before posting so big hugs and fingers crossed your Mom is all better.

      @Naomi – 29th May we go on honeymoon but the wedding is 26th May so when you’re celebrating your first wedding anniversary I’ll be enjoying my first day as a Mrs!

  30. @Carrie. I hadn’t read the other comments before I went on my morning rant and now I feel like a big old dufus. Sometimes we are firmly put in our place and things go back into perspective.
    I wish you all the best and hope your mum gets better soon. I’m sure you’ll have a fabulous wedding and lots of happy years ahead 🙂 Much love.

  31. You’ve clearly struck a chord! A whole symphony of chords actually.

    I said to a colleague the other day who’d just got engaged to expect every family issue to suddenly come to a head. I don’t know why this is but it does seem to be a rule. It’s certainly not all sweetness and light.

    We certainly have a great deal of potential conflict ahead about inviting one of my brothers – he’s been horrible to me and my fiance doesn’t want him there. Neither of us want his wife there. I have no idea what to do!

    We’ve had a few minor scraps along the way but I suspect the major fisticuffs lie ahead…

  32. Exactly the same with us… We had interference from my side of the family and his, I ended up hating his mother (all ok now.. Mostly 😉 ) and we would argue about it so much!

    Also, my other half would just agree with everything and I felt he didn’t care about the day as much as I did.. When really he just wanted me to have the day I wanted, but at the time, I didn’t see it like that!

    I think planning a wedding is such a stressful time, you just want everything to be right and it can lead to a lot of tension that you take out on each other.

    It’s easy to forget why you’re getting married in the first place.. And once you remember why, I think it’s all ok again 🙂 (Until his mother asks another stupid question that is 😉 ) 🙂 <3

  33. We had a row the night before the wedding! He phoned me to check the postcode of the church – I believe I had specifically told him not to contact me unless it was an emergency. So I was a bit annoyed on the phone, and because he’d had a couple of drinks he got argumentative and it just blew up into a much bigger deal than it should have been. I completely freaked out, tears, snot, everything. My dad managed to calm me down and I went and laid on the bed for 10 minutes just trying to breathe. Husband then phoned back, apologised (although I don’t think he knew why he was apologising) and the next morning it was all forgotten.
    I think it’s abnormal if you don’t argue to be honest…or at the very least a sign that you are both boring!!!

  34. As everyone else has pointed out already, this post is a great relief! Thanks, Naomi, for making me feel normal.

    I’ve got the added issues that come with a bi-cultural wedding: our families have different ideas of what a wedding should be and it’s causing a lot of friction between me and the boy. It’s making me feel like married life is going to be a seriously bumpy ride. All these differences in the way we perceive our lives that have been brought up in wedding planning are probably just the tip of the iceberg.

    I try to remind myself as much as possible that we will be able to work through anything, because we love each other so deeply. And I try to maintain perspective: health and happiness are the only things that really matter, not table plans and flower arrangements.

    Doesn’t stop me from arguing with the boy and getting emotional on a fairly regular basis… We’ll get there.

  35. What a lovely read, I’m sat on my lunch break thinking wedding thoughts as you do, we get married 12 weeks on Saturday! So it is all very real these days, we also get married in my home town which is 140 miles away so the next few weeks is going to be tough with lots of travel outside of our busy working weeks but we are prepared for it so hopefully things will be okay.

    Yesterday’s disaster was that Mr G’s kilt outfit designer may be closing down, but he has assured him that the kilt is ready and jacket will be in next week. I am praying so much that within the next 2 weeks the liquidators don’t come in otherwise he’ll have no bespoke amazing outfit to wear!

    I thought we were having a rough time, decision making, money worries, who to invite, dealing with the issues that other people bring to you (something that has shocked me, I mean honestly, these people that think its their god given right to upset you about your own wedding just because something doesnt suit them! ) but we’re actually not doing too bad, we are dealing with it better than I thought. Arguement’s here and there and lots of stress about finances but we are just hoping that after the wedding we can get back on our feet and enjoy married life together.

    Its been lovely to read everyone’s comments and for those due to get married soon I hope you have an amazing day and the stresses have all been worthwhile, as I’m sure our stresses will be worthwhile. For me I just need to stop thinking about what will make other people happy and concentrate on myself and Mr G.

    Much love x

  36. OMG this is exacty where I am at right now, been engaged for nearly 1 year, not quite got anything booked but everyhing is lined up ready, we want to marry in cornwall, we live in stockport! logistical nightmare! but I am confident I can make it happen. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, the mere mention of the words, have you set a date, makes me want to scream! argghhhhhhh 🙂
    great article xxxxx

  37. Thank you Alice, Lucy S, Fiona, Molly, Christie for your sweet words – everyone on here is just ace.

    This wasn’t meant to be a ‘poor me’, so don’t be silly and think your stuff is trivial, it’s all relative and believe me despite the ‘big’ stuff, I get equally stressed about all the same things!

    Hang in there girlies…just think, the days are getting longer, the sun is trying to come out and it’s only bloody Friday!

    N – that hug was delish, thank you xx

  38. I have too much to give your piece the proper reply it deserves… but I just wanted to say, thank you!!! I think it means a lot to us brides to see the real side of a couple and know that it’s not allll picture perfect.

    I’ve already sent this to the boy…. 🙂

  39. I have been reading RMW since I got engaged in May this year and this is the first comment I have made becuase I just couldn’t not reply.

    Thank you so much for this post! It is so refreshing to hear that the arguments are normal and that not everyone has a glorious, romantic, stress free time planning their wedding.

    That was certainly not the case for me in the begining of our planning and I actually found it really hard constantly being bombarded with all of these stories of how wonderful it should all be when I was having a very different experience. We argued about EVERYTHING and it finally got to breaking point between Christmas and New Year when i finally snapped and said that if this was how we were going to treat each other throughout the process that I didn’t want to do it anymore. I shouldn’t be in tears every night of my engagement and we shouldn’t be closer to breaking up now than we ever have been before.

    We had a huge row in a car park (of all places!) and it turned out that everything I felt that H2B was doing to make things difficult, he felt the same about me. This just wasn’t right – how could we both feel that the other was getting it all their own way and dissmissinf their ideas?!

    I think that really put things into perspective as since then we have both been so much more forgiving towards each other and it feels like we are actually working towards the same thing now and helping each other. We still have the odd clash every now and again but it is 1000% times better than it was in the begining.

    Thank you so much for writing this post as I know (and can see from all fo the other comments) that there must be lots of Brides to Be who think that getting engaged might actually be the end of their relationship.

    I totally agree with your advice about talking it all through and trying to keep focusing on the fact that the important part is that you are getting married to the person of your dreams, not the wedding itself.

    Good luck to everyone else in this situation and roll on the honeymoon!

  40. Thank you for making me feel normal again! Even as a wedding planner (in fact, this compounds things as it turns you into a little of a wedding meglomaniac, determined to throw every good idea or favourite supplier at your big day…not looking for sympathy, as it is a lovely job, but it has this one, achingly frustrating downside) I thought this was going to be yes, the ride of our lives, but also a pleasant and fulfilling one.
    Until two weeks ago. Sat in bed worrying over a difficult caterer and after one too many digs at my having blown the budget on ‘the dress’ (though I am wearing my trusty leopard print Kurt Geiger’s underneath, so saving pennies on fancy designer shoes), my beloved bearded one dropped the bombshell: “I think you’re turning into a bridezilla”. Initially, I wanted to thump him over the head with my (rather hefty) Charles Dickens tome, and was left spluttering about how I wouldn’t be morphing into a so-called bridal dinosaur – cue visions of me tramping over any qualms about money and how much effort one should put into a wedding and occasionally roaring in defiance. But the next morning brought clarity – he was sort of right. I had allowed myself to get drunk on all of the moonshine that surrounds weddings, and lost perspective on what and who we were. And our wedding didn’t need to look like something worthy of a spot on RMW or Snippet and Ink – it just needed to be ours (although it’ll just be a lovelier surprise should it prove blog worthy). Off the back of this one testy wedding-argument too many, we laid down some ground rules:
    1. 1 hour max each day cooing at inspirational blogs. There has to be a cut off, and it does get overwhelming. plus there are better things to be doing (sometimes) with our time like going to bed together on time, watching a film, playing with the kitten, painting and cleaning – you should see how hovel-like it gets at times!
    2. Whenever I was tempted to give into my bridezilla tendencies or blow the budget again, I thought of me as morphing into some sort of diplodocus in a wedding dress, screeching and grabbing the bouquet in my mouth before trampling the champagne on my way up the aisle to a petrified groom. And breathe. Worked every time.
    3. Ask myself, do I really need/want this or is it just my aspirational magazine-bride talking?
    4. Equally, realise when it’s ok to treat ourselves both when it comes to the wedding and in day to day life. It’s not all rationing and going for the cheapest option that might break or wilt in seconds, sometimes it is worth shelling out a little for quality. No one wants a hire suit held together with safety pins or forlorn, floppy flowers brought at discount from wholesale.
    5. All you need is love. The rest should be treated with a desert island mentality, the things you wouldn’t want your wedding to be without.
    6. Delegate. I am not an eight armed, multitasking PA with near Nato levels of negotation. This is a good thing. Trust him to do more.

    And that’s it – two weeks later, no arguments, just more sleep, more things ticked off our to do wedding-list (so the above has benefits, the whole ‘seeing the wood for the trees’ thing) and a happier him and me.


  41. Thank you so much- having just had a total engagement melt down in which the conclusion was drawn that I had become a raving monster wedding planning b*tch it is lovely to know that others have gone through the same thing and come out stronger the other side. Happily, the other conclusion was found by himself to be: ‘its OK, coz i know when its all over you’ll be normal again, I’ll have the real you back and we can be happy’. Aw.

    This kind of underlines one of my main arguements for getting married as opposed to just living together and getting on with it. A Wedding is a BIG thing regardless of how you go about it, bringing together two (in our case VERY different) families is stressful, so if you can tackle all that together, you should be pretty much set for a life working together to make your dreams come true.

  42. @Sama – I thought this was only happening to me! Apparently he’d been thinking about it for months so didn’t want to talk details yet, but I’d had no idea the proposal was coming. I can’t think about anything but weddings! And since we’ve got engaged, two other couples who are close friends of ours have also got engaged and set dates. I want a date!

    No real arguments to report as yet, but I can feel them coming… Having to put planning on hold for a bit as he’s really not well at the moment, but having to do all the housework (we usually share it) plus trying to keep him positive is really piling on the pressure. Result of this? I threw a frying pan on my phone 🙁 Something always has to give!

  43. OMG I’ve been stalking the RMW blog for so long and this is my first comment, but boy this really stuck with me! So honest and so very true, I too, like one of the other commenters am getting married next month AND in June! Yes double/triple stress because as a Hindu I’m having a Hindu wedding too! Double the budget, double the stress, but all in all double the emotional rollercoaster! Recently, the tiffs have been a little more steady flowing but then again so have the getting through it and becoming even more in love than the previous day or hour or minute.

    Like Naomi, my H2B and I also have a one ‘word’ now that encapsulates what is happening when and if we get too involved with our arguing. “Line” just so that we both know that beyond a particular point it’s neither productive nor relevant any more and now as soon as we say the word we bought crack up again!

    I wasn’t actually stressed until this week and I do think that there will always be that time where sometimes things just get too much. But at the end of it all, all that matters is that we are happy, and so in love that I can’t wait to be a Mrs V!

  44. @QBride- we had one major rule. Bedtime is bedtime. No phones or laptops. That rule still sticks to this day!

    Well done on your uber efficient problem solving skills. Xo

  45. You have no idea how happy I am that this post is making sense and providing some kind of resolve and reassurance for you lot. I kinda wish I’d read something about how normal the arguments are when I was wedding planning.

    But the thing to remember is that, yes, I wrote it. But it was Annies brainchild. Where is she by the way?

  46. Carrie, big hugs to you, I hope the news comes back that it has been successful, and I hope that you have had a really good day !

    Lucy S, thank you ! You made me laugh so much that is such a me thing to do and im so glad its not just me

    Lol Molly, I hope your day improved and thanks so much for sharing, I know Im going to be exactly the same as I have been know to be a tad ocd about things.

    Thanks so much for this post Naomi !! I have only been engaged just over a week but we have been together for 9 years and I never thought for a minute he would ever propose so it was a bit of a shock (albeit a very nice one!) He is rather anti getting married – hence the shock, and told me it was upto me to plan everything (which to be fair is like giving me a big present as i love planning things) but Im getting a bit emotional already (with 14 months to go…?!?!) trying not to be obsessive about it im enjoying collecting pictures and trying to find a venue but it has already caused a bit of upset as I wanted him to go and look at a venue with me – it is his wedding day too after all – and he didnt want to. I feel I have to tread on tiptoes if i want to mention the W word and tbh have moments when i wonder why he bothered proposing. I love him dearly and im sure we will have a wedding that is the contradiction that is uniquely “us” but it doesnt mean I dont want to kill him sometimes…usually after I open the dishwasher and go “aargh” at the mess inside (why can men not stack dishwashers, its so not rocket science !!) or some other small stupid thing. As you say at the end of the day its the bigger picture that is important and keeping that in perspective

    Thanks to all for sharing comments it has been great to read through them all

  47. @Fluff Ohhhh SO yes. My fiance seems to think that he has to stack the dishwasher ‘artistically’ every time so stuff is randomly (VERY randomly) scattered rather than stacked boringly making use of the space efficiently. And I get a lot of ey-rolling when I re-stack it.

  48. @LucyS I actually burst out laughing at your Curly Whirly freak out – I have simular chocolate-based break downs on a seemingly more frequent basis. Must be because of this ‘hanger’! Love the word. (It also made me cry when he gave you curly-whirlys on your wedding day – I think I have emotional hanger…dangerous!)

    @Naomi What a perfect post! We don’t really argue – sometimes I really want to but he’s the most laid back person I’ve ever met and can always diffuse a fight situation before it’s begun (sometimes this is lovely, and sometimes it is the single most annoying trait another human has ever had the misfortune to have – you know when you just need a good arguement?! ARGH!)
    I’m sure this wont last – his patience at me budget breaking, blog reading, magazing obsessing and spreadsheet making can only last so long and he’ll have to give me a good talking to eventually. It’ll be nice to know that this is completely normal and I can refer him to this post when he finally realises I’ve gone mental…

  49. @Naomi this is the perfect post for me right now. I’ve only been engaged since Valentine’s Day but already the stress is accumulating – thankfully not yet with the Boy but we’ll see. So far I’ve had my mother crying and telling me she doesnt know me – just what every engaged woman wants to hear when she’s trying to find the venue of her dreams! Thankfully my mother-in-law is as sane and down to earth as they come – I never thought I would ring my mother-in-law to calm me down but its happened twice now!

    I can see the next 16 months being uber stressful so its good to know that its just as normal to argue as I’d hoped and everything isnt always going to be blissfull but you do come out the other side!

    @Carrie – I hope your mum is okay!


  50. First time posting a comment too but my fiance & I really identify with this – although our main argument is financial (btw I too have the heart shaped paper punch) we have found short-term arguement resolution in burying our head in the sand and spending time and money on non-wedding things (like going to the pub, takeaways) which we can’t afford.. becasue of the wedding; it is a sad little negative circle! Our wedding is July this year so not long now left to panic about the things we haven’t done!

  51. Naomi,

    This post is genius – you have managed to sum up exactly the emotions that I went through during my 18 month engagement. I’m so pleased you decided to cover the subject – my wedding report is at RMW HQ, and it actually starts with the story of my less than perfect engagement where the boy and I argued about pretty much every aspect of the wedding you could think of!

    Prior to being engaged, we had such an easy going relationship, very very rarely argued, and even if we did, it was more a ‘disagreement’ and would last a mere 30 seconds before it was forgotten. But during our engagement, I can honestly say that we argued more than in the 7 years we had been together prior to him getting down on bended knee.

    It all started when a fortnight after we’d got engaged, I decided to broach the “any idea when you think we might get married?” subject (a girl has to know whether she should still be avoiding the bridal magazines counter in Tesco or whether she is legitimately ‘allowed’ to buy them!). This opened a can of worms straight away!! He had very strong opinions on where and how we should get married (abroad, very small party consisting of merely siblings and parents), which completely differed from mine (definitely not abroad, more traditional with a good smattering of friends and family to share our day and relive the memories with us for years to come).

    The conversation ended with my newly engaged bubble well and truly popped, a pouty bottom lip, and him passing the comment “don’t make me wish I’d never asked you”…….

    Hmmmm 🙁

    Unfortunately it set us off on the wrong foot straight away, and every time we tried to discuss the wedding, it ended up with one of us getting prickly because clearly somebody was going to have to compromise. I even started to consider the abroad idea (much to my Mum’s disappointment) in order to try and get him back on side, but when I offered him my suggestions, he obviously didn’t really know what he wanted! As you so rightly describe Naomi, at this point, I would quite happily have squished him like a garden pea.

    Whilst confiding to friends and family, I was asked on so many occasions “why are you marrying him”. Things got so bad that about 8 months into our engagement, I told him that I didn’t think we should get married if we couldn’t agree on what we wanted (being 100% honest, it was partly an experiment to see what his reaction would be, but I did also believe that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be).

    Add to that my Mum’s complete frustration at his attitude, which led to an impromptu angry outburst over the phone a mere few months before W-day, resulting in me sobbing and rocking on the kitchen floor like a crazy person….

    Anyway, back in the land of post marital bliss, things are good again. I love and hate the question “how’s married life?”, as on the one hand it’s ace as I have a husband, and feel really settled in life, but I also have to be totally frank with people and admit that as much as I loved my wedding day, I’m pleased it’s over, as finally we feel like we are ‘back to normal’ and there is nothing to argue about.

    Hang in there ladies, it appears PWT (pre-wedding tension) is totally normal!

    S x

  52. Well ive sulked and cried and over reacted and if I’m honest am so glad h2b has been there no matter what. He’s seen a different side to me… the one that wants to do what we want but can’t ignore my mother. Hardest time was a dress that didn’t fit….I just couldn’t imagine walking down the aisle hating my dress…£300 of alterations later 🙁 and the my dad last night making a fuss about how will I be able to talk to people and have photos taken…we will have to cope dad I can’t plan every min of the day (ive tried and come close!) H2b just hugged me a bit tighter and was there. 21 days to go can not wait but won’t miss the tension!

  53. Just what I needed to hear. Though not engaged, I’ve just moved in with my boyfriend of two years and the next step probably isn’t too far away. Moving in together was so stressful and we argued every day for the first few weeks! I read a line (can’t remember where) which I say to myself whenever I’m questioning my decisions (moving in together, future plans, wanting to hug him/squish him like a pea…), and as we’re all sharing our pearls of wisdom here we go:

    “Allow yourself phases.”

    It might sound a bit simple, but I think its actually more important than it sounds. We ladies are often the hardest on ourselves (read through the self deprecation comment after comment and you’ll see) when really we just need to appreciate that we’re doing the best we can!

    Great post – sometimes when you’re looking at the happy faces, it can be a little too much to bear if you’ve just slammed a few doors and hurled a few badly chosen words at your boy.

    F xx

  54. @ carrie hope everything goes well for your mum.
    @kate i know exactly what you mean.

    Myself and Mr Mac just attended his cousin Kate’s funeral yesterday, she was only 30. It really does make you realise the perspective of life. Everyone is guilty of being selfish at times, myself included. Especially when it comes to wedding planning! Although it is our big day approaching, (29th June 2012) doesn’t mean everyone is focused on it. With me being up to my eyes in decorations, magazine cut-outs, invitation organising…list goes on…means i can get very tetchy with the other half but yesterday made me realise what if i lost him? I would feel like i had died & the light within me had gone out. That is how Kate’s partner/ family are feeling right now.

    I have been learning to try & not get bogged down, take a step back & know how lucky i am to be marrying the man i truly adore. He funnily enough feels the same about me.

    Life is too short not to live it!

  55. Thank you for this post – had a hectic few days and haven’t been on RMW, glad I came for a catch-up. I was the one who made the original comment! (I go by Anne or Annie depending on my mood).

    You know how you say: “I can honestly tell you all now that Gavin and I went through more turmoil in our engagement than in the history of our relationship together”? So many other brides have said this to me. It’s like this weird secret nobody talks about, because you’re all meant to be Really Happy And Excited All Of The Goddamn Time.

    When I suggested a post like this, I was hoping someone would write exactly what you have, so thank you. It all rang very true. I’ve emailed a link to Mr A-to-be.

    We have at least figured out that a) planning a wedding is stressful and b) maybe we’re both rocking the boat just to check the other person isn’t going to jump out and leave us alone at sea. Bad analogy, but you get my drift (see what I did there… drift… sorry).

    I think everyone thinks everyone else is 100% deliriously happy and they are the only people arguing because nobody talks about it!

    I liked your “keep it light” phrase. I also recommend sending each other silly, cute pictures – it is IMPOSSIBLE to remain angry or huffy while exchanging pictures of bunnies sitting in teacups and the like.

    Thank you for writing this. It’s just nice to acknowledge the fact that everyone else isn’t living in happy la-la land and actually a lot of us are going through the same stuff.

  56. Anne/Annie! – You made it!
    I have been checking back to see if you’d make an appearance.

    I’m glad you liked it pet.

    And a massive big thank you for flagging it up. I love it when we get to hear the things you guys want to read about. Not only is it great to have your input, it’s also a great writing challenge.

    With the day I’m having today, I could do with some pictures of bunnies in teacups. Does Googling have the same affect or should someone send one to me?

  57. Bless you! Hi! Sorry it took me so long – I am a total RMW-a-holic but my dad has been in hospital and things have been rather fraught.

    My groom thought it was great too, btw (he read it on the bus this morning after I sent him the link).

    As to the bunnies, I think they have the optimum effect if someone sends them to you but googling works too. Search for “bunnies in teacups”. It can’t possibly fail to improve your Monday!

  58. New to RMW so going through older posts and found this, thought I’d share my own experiences (to date!) of wedding planning… When Mr T proposed in mind blowingly romantic circumstances (relative to him), he’s a farmer, romance to him is a slap on the behind, telling me “you’ll do I spose” and passing me a glass of wine, so it came as no surprise to me to hear the following statement, “tell me where to be, what to wear and what time to be there, that’s all I want to know”. Now on one hand this legitimately gives me full creative reign over all decisions (yay, no rows!!) but on the other hand I really wanted this wedding to be something that he wanted as much as me… He’s been married once before, big church affair and I knew then (we’ve been friends since I was 9 and his sister is my best friend) that he was very much a passenger and didn’t enjoy the day very much. I really didn’t want that again! But strangely he’s gotten more and more involved as time has gone on. When w-planning has progressed I’ll give him a 10 min update with some reference images and tried as best I could to gauge his facial reactions to ensure no real loathing of any ideas…. It’s now evolved that he’s actively participating, attending meetings with planners inputting creative ideas and has planned the honeymoon. I am truly delighted and enjoying the experience even more knowing that the day is going to be a reflection of both of our personalities – as a result I’m confident I will be able to relax more on the day.

    Anyway mega long post (new to RMW and clearly making up for lost time!) but end point is, I know I will never change my MrT, in fact I have no intention of, he’s who I love beyond measure, so I worked to his limitations to not scare him off and amazingly it worked!

    Good luck ladies, love reading your posts and sharing the experiences!

    MrsTtobe xxx

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