Tank Girl.

Well, where do I begin with this one!!  If I cast my mind back to one normal, boring, grey day of school………..I was about 13 ish and I was walking to my Geography class which I hated  (yawn yawn) in my snazzy maroon and gold blazer and itchy, grey, knee length pleated skirt – nice combo NOT! and I heard it, an awful noise which will stay with me forever, “HUUUUUUUUHHHHH HUUUUUUUHHHHHH” (like the noise a big tank would make) I looked over my shoulder and there they were, a group of nasty boys taking the pee out of me for being a bit chubby, they all laughed together and said “Here comes tank girl!!”

That was without a doubt, THE worst Geography lesson I ever had, I was so sad and blue inside and all I wanted to do was cry and eat crisps…. lots of them!  Since that day I have always had an unhealthy obsession about my weight which is not great as I just LOVE FOOD.. as I have admitted before. To lose weight I have tested the lot, not eating for days (that made me very sad indeed) spending lots of cash on diet pills which absolutely do not work and some even sent me a wee bit loopy loo…. an expensive personal trainer who was great but can’t afford him anymore. Weight Watchers, which was good but now they have changed the system I just cannot make it work for me (anyone else tried the new system??) and last but not least a gym membership which I do love and go as much as I can.

I am actually going to confess to even having gone under the knife and had liposculpture, I know it’s drastic but I thought long and hard about it and had tried a lot of things previously, it wasn’t taken lightly in any way but it has actually changed my life – I didn’t do it to lose weight, I did it to change my shape and now I curve in the right places for me and I don’t regret it in the slightest….  The most awful thing is though is that those boys really changed me, they put it in my head that I wasn’t quite “right” in their stupid opinion and it has stayed with me ever since.

The fact is that I will never be thin and I don’t want to be either, I just want to be in proportion which I think I am now but it’s taken me a long time to get used to the fact that I am “me” and I need to like me a little bit more. I think now I am ENGAGED WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (sorry, burst of excitement) that I will definitely trim up for the Big Day but I wont go mad, excercise makes me feel good and when you feel good you look good …thats a fact!

So if you, like me are a little bit obsessed with diets and weight, and you have a “fat day” don’t hate yourself, take a look in the mirror get yourself together and think excercise, go for a walk, jog, skip, run, swim ….. whatever. It will make you feel better. Promise.

Lots of Love Vix AKA (no longer)”Tank Girl”

xxxxx

Author: Victoria

27 thoughts on “Tank Girl.

  1. I have always been big…no matter how little I eat, or how much exercise I do, I can’t shift the weight from my hips or the wobbly bits across my ribcage, under my breasts..anyone else get this?!?!
    I too was bullied in school for being “fat”…and this is still with me. It took me YEARS to realise that, actually, despite being “bigger” than some women, I have fantastic breasts and a rather pert bum!! So, by being as healthy as I can (most of the time) and exercising as much as I can stand (three gym sessions a week) and wearing the right clothes for my figure I have come to accept myself..nearly! Yes, I hate my wobbly bits – especially the arms!!! – but my man loves them, and me, unconditionally…as do my friends and family! And I know that nearly all women have some kind of body hate – whether this be thin hair or wide hips – but at the end of the day we are all beautiful and unique and loved very, very much for the women we are inside,
    (Sorry if this is a rant…?!)

  2. Firstly a *hug* for what the mean boys said to you

    I have in the past had issues with food, but not really weight. I have always been a size 8-10 but sometimes that hasn’t been quite thin enough in my head – I thought people would like me more if I was thinner but you know what, they didn’t so 😛 to them! I have changed my diet and exercised like mad to get to the size I thought I should be at the time. I now look back on those pictures and hate them, I look ill.

    I have now got to the point where I eat a balanced diet (and yes that includes balancing pizza against the healthy stuff – everything in moderation, including moderation is my motto!) and I exercise 3-4 times a week for half an hour (30 day shred and Davina’s 30 minute workouts are great for fitting in a quick bout of exercise after work) and I am honestly the fittest and happiest with my figure as I have ever been. Sometimes it’s hard to do the exercise, but I ALWAYS feel better after doing it! 🙂 I had a gym membership but I got a bit bored with that and found I could do better workouts with my own set of weights at home so scrapped the gym in favour of saving for the wedding.

    So yeah, people can be mean, and it can be hard to get the things they’ve said out of your head. But everything in moderation is good for you and exercise releases endorphins that make you smile 🙂

    Enough rambling, now back to work!

    xx

  3. I’ve always battled the “I’m too fat” voice inside my head but I am finally learning to love my body…well I thought I was…but then I ordered my wedding dress this weekend and ended up being three different sizes for bust, waist and hips which got me down a bit – have always thought I wasn’t in proportion and this definitely confirmed it!

  4. Vix,

    Thanks so much for a very honest and gutsy post! I got engaged a couple of weeks ago and one of the first things that came out of my mum’s mouth was “so how much weight are you going to lose??”………OUCH!!!

    It cut pretty deep (especially as she’s always been a skinny size 8!!) and has been haunting me ever since. The rebelious teenager inside of me wants to eat eat eat….but I know I’m only hurting myself in the end!

    So some pride swallowing is happening right now and I’m trying to “be good” until the big day! Excercise is my peril though….but I must give myself a kick up the backside and do it for ME! (not my mum, or anyone else!!!)

    Much love xx

  5. I’ve always been on the big side, and got bullied horribly for it at school…finally joined WeightWatchers earlier this year and it’s been brilliant for me – lost over 2 stone and am now a size 12! However….the whole wedding dress shopping experience has been so depressing!! Trying on samples labelled size 14 or 16, and not being able to do them up – even though I walked into the shop wearing size 12 skinny jeans from Topshop – was one of the most dispiriting experiences ever. Why wedding dresses have to come up so teeny weeny I will never know. Surely us brides to be shouldn’t be made to feel awful about their size?

  6. This really striked a chord with me and comes at a good time!
    I am on major wedding diet/healthy eating shebang for Feb to look my bestest!
    I am on the “new” weight watchers thing but having never done the old one I actually really love it and it has really educated me about how food works for you.
    I have so far lost 3 stone and am the slimmest I have been since I was 19! I have another 2 to go to get to what I wanted for W day and another 1 after that to be my healthy weight.

    It sounds a lot but I am only a wee 5″2.5 (that half is uber important!) so look like Danny Devito with the extra 6 stone I put on once settling down with the boy. Yes, that was a lot more fun going on than it is getting it off.

    I have however realised this, healthy eating has to be a weigh (haha, sorry) of life, and that exercise has to be incorporated into that. So I am determined never to go back to being that unhealthy and big again, post wedding day and the lot!

    Thanks for sharing your story and big big welcome and congratulations on the engagement too!! You are beautiful and have definately had the last laugh where those silly boys are concerned!!
    Alex xx

  7. I too was bullied at school for being fat. When I left school my self confidence was rock bottom. However gradually the puppy fat dropped off and I developed a very lovely hour glass figure. My weight has fluctuated over the years and at the moment I’m not at my skinniest. I get married next week and do you know what I don’t care! H2B loves my curves, I tried losing a little bit of weight after I bought my dress but gave up as I love food too much and couldn’t be bothered to pound it in the gym (I do power walk 3miles a day though). I’m 5’7 and a 12-14, so I’m definitely not fat. Yes there are days when I hate my arms and curse my big thighs. But overall I’ve accepted me, I have so many friends who hate the way they look and I don’t want to spend my life like that. Hopefully on my big day I’ll feel just as beautiful as i would if had dropped those 14lbs, and people will be looking at my smile instead of my hips.
    Xxxx

  8. I was just writing my post on this and then Alex’s popped up!

    I was always chubby growing up – loved clothes and had all these ideas of what things I wanted to put together – but never had the confidence to do it…partly because I knew what people would say…she’s too fat for that…

    So at 17 I went to Weight Watchers with my mum – lost loads of weight and have loved WW ever since! I have been at my goal weight (and more importantly goal size 8) for years!

    I am now a WW leader and I love running my classes – I have loads of brides and bridesmaids all coming to get in shape and since my own engagement I am planning on dropping a couple more pounds but not loads…as my wonderful sister pointed out…”you already have a fairly pointed chin, Pam, if you go lower than a size 8 it’s going to look like Bruce Forsyths on your wedding photos!”

  9. Hello! What a perfectly timed post! I am currently feeling rather bloated and fat, after a rather heavy weekend of eating and drinking…

    I used to be 3 stone heavier than i am now, and i used weightwatchers (the old one, also can’t get used to the new one) to lose the weight. Since we got engaged, i have joined the gym in an attempt to tone up and i love it. I can now eat “normally” and not put on weight!

    i’m in totally agreeance with Vix, moderation is the key, even if you don’t feel like exercising, do, because you always feel amazing afterwards, and one slice of cake won’t hurt, but the whole thing will! xx

  10. I had never given an awful lot of consideration to my weight, mainly because, if I’m totally honest, I didn’t have to. The biggest I have ever been is a size 14 and I was quite happy with myself then. The smallest I have ever been is a size 6 ans I was definitely NOT happy with myself then! I am a serial yoyo weight loser.

    Up until the age of 20 (ish) my weight fluctuated with my love life. In the midst of blissfully happy teenage relationships I would eat and laugh and get a bit of exercise on the dancefloor and between the sheets, which was then counteracted by alcohol and Pringles. Then I’b break up with my then-boyfriend, live on toast and cigarettes, and lose a pile of weight.

    However, when I got engaged (back in March) suddenly the issue of my size and shape hit me in the face as I started thinking about wedding dresses. My little boy is a year old now and I have been VERY lucky not to have struggled to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes, I’m a size 12 at the moment which makes me comfortably just below average I guess, but there’s a niggle that I want to wear a 10 wedding dress…. oh no wait; I have PURCHASED a size 10 wedding dress!

    I am on WeightWatchers, not because I want to plumet to size 0 proportions, but just to lose a few pounds (and I mean a few pounds – as in less than a stone) to get comfortably into the dress and I LOVE the Pro-Points system. I started at 10stone 4lbs and I lost weight every week over 6 weeks to the point where i lost a stone by my engagement party. I stopped dietting at that point and it’s crept back up, but I’ve just started WeightWatchers again to blitz away that 5lbs I’ve gained in time for our engagement photo shoot at the end of the month 🙂

  11. I am still in my early twenties, but I feel it has been a very long process adjusting to the body I have post-puberty: losing that stick-insect-in-a-too-short-school-skirt look and accepting who I am as an adult. With idols like Kate Moss, I could never be skinny enough, and I always thought that clothes looked best on those bordering too-thin, if only because they had that ethereal, wasting-away look. But really, I have a lot to be grateful for and have been a size 8-10 for as long as I can remember. Yet it often seems that clothes don’t really fit me, and that if I put on ANY weight (and I’m talking one or two pounds) I start to look chubby and out of proportion – like a pot-bellied troll! It’s really taken a huge attitude adjustment, and a better understanding of my shape (I’m a ‘diamond’ – shoulders broader than hips, nice breasts, nice legs, but absolutely no waist – kind of like a tank then!) to realise that I can be happy with who I am if I just dress the right way and keep on top of my weight. So goodbye Kate Moss as my beauty ideal, hello busty surfer girl. Which really isn’t so bad!
    Love to you all xxx

  12. Thanks for this VIx 🙂

    I think you are right, you have to actually do something (such as exercise and eat in moderation etc) and it will make you feel better. I always try and walk everywhere I possibly can too.

    Might go for a swim tonight! x

  13. Great post. I too was bullied at school for being fat (looking back I wasn’t even that big, just not a skinny minnie!) and you can’t help but be effected by it. I try and focus on the fact my H2B loves me for me whether I’m a few pounds more or less… and treat myself to some cake if I fancy it 🙂 Sx

  14. Yep, I can’t get my head around the new WW plan either. I’m trying SW but I have a tragically slow metabolism (I know – the excuse everyone uses but I have medical certification and see a specialist to prove it). I’m SO SCARED to try wedding dresses on. Seriously. I’m also thinking about getting a second hand dress and of course most second hand wedding dresses are a 10. I’m a 16 but with 14 months to go to my wedding…

  15. I’m completely with you on this! After 7 years of takeaways with the boy (now husband), I realised that I could no longer fit into the clothes in my favourite shop. That was a real turning point, I signed up to WeightWatchers that day and never looked back! It’s not about what size you are, but about feeling happy and confident in yourself, when you can achieve that you will look fabulous too! Yes, the new WW points system sucks! Oh, and please don’t become a skinny bride! xx

  16. Hello Vix lovely! Great first post, and I hope engaged life is treating you well!
    Your comment about how peoples’ comments at school stick with you is so, so true! I was picked on because of my teeth an have recently forked out a shed load of cash that could have been spent on other things, on paying my Invisalign brace. As I’m about to start my teacher training, I had a dradful feeling that the students I’ll be teaching might start making the same comments as the boys did all those years ago – comments that resulted in me never smiling or laughing without covering my mouth with my hand.
    Ironically, the boys who picked on me are friends of mine now, and other people who have commented on my teeth over the years have been the first to express surprise at my getting a brace. Just goes to show that people can make throwaway comments and forget straight away, whereas the person they’ve said them to never forgets!
    I think you look lush how you are, but I know that nothing that anyone else says can help you shake old taunts – you’d probably say I have a nice smile, but I wouldn’t believe you!!
    xx
    PS: Lauren – I can’t believe your mum said what she said. This has happened to so many of my friends, and I’m also so shocked! Big hugs to you sweetie, and kudos for wanting to shape up for you, not for anyone else x

  17. Hi Ladies…

    It’s funny isn’t it how we view ourselves and others see us, I’ve always thought Vix has a lovely figure – I would kill for her legs!

    I was always teased about my eczema and dry skin so no matter how old I may be now you still remember the way the bullies made you feel. A few flakes can send me into a tailspin, and so silly – it’s hardly the end of the world.

    I lost too much weight for W-day which I regret, a few extra pounds wouldn’t have gone a miss. Everything in moderation and it’s all about feeling comfortable in your own skin – whatever size or shape you are.

    Charlotte xxx

  18. I was always the biggest one of my group and I decided I didn’t want to be the ‘fat bridesmaid’ when my friend got married. I was a size 14-16 so by no means really huge but I felt like I would stand out against my exceptionally skinny friends! I joined Scottish Slimmers and found it really easy to understand, I’d definitely recommend it to anyone who’s confused by WW.
    3 stone lighter in 6 months I was still the biggest bridesmaid (as my friends are super skinny!) but I was a size 10-12 which I’ve maintained for 2 years now.
    But I chose to do it myself instead of because of what anyone said. My boyfriend (now fiance) loved me before Scottish Slimmers and loves me after, but I feel better in myself

  19. Thank you for this lovely post! I love it when bloggers share personal experiences you can relate to.
    The thing that upsets me the most is my skin. I’ve always suffered of bad breakouts and despite the expensive treatments, products and changing diets, nothing seems to improve it. I wish I could go for a walk, a jog or to the gym and see changes… The plus side? Having breakouts make people think that you’re younger than you actually are! :-)))
    As you say, it’s all about confidence. Other girls tell me that my hips (which I used to think were gigantic!) make me look like a real woman. I used to think that it was ridiculous and desperately wanted to be one of those girls with skinny legs. Now I’ve learnt to look at them as a bonus. After all, I’m Mediterranean, so why fight nature?
    Take care my dear!
    x Betta

  20. Hiya,

    I totally agree, Malc loves me just as I am and that makes me very happy.
    Louise – I can safely say I will not be a skinny bride because I do not want to be. Just a few quid off will do me!

    Thanks for all the comments, its sad that a lot of people get taunted at school but “Mrs A to be” you are so right I dont think people really get what it does to you deep down, they just have a laugh then forget and when your a sensitive teenage girl or indeed boy it really does stick.

    Regarding the new WW points plan – I think I am just a bit greedy, now that fruit is free I would just eat too much of it and its still sugar, if your body does not need it then it stores it?

    Spin and Body Pump – watch out!! Tank Girl is coming! 🙂

    Joining me Charlotte??

  21. Its lovely to hear that we all have similar problems, even though we tend not to talk about it.

    I have had the pleasure of being called ‘big-boned’ my entire life (often by family members who meant well, i’m sure), but as a teen all you hear is ‘chubby’.

    Sadly, as I left home to move to university this stuck with me and I ended up rather poorly in the effort to not be the size that I was, and ended up being much to thin to be healthy.

    Fortunately, it was also hear that I met my now H2B, who made me see that in fact I look a little better with some meat on my bones and encouraged me to look after myself a little better.

    I’m back to a size 8-10 now, and am a strong member of 2 sports teams and compete for my university. I still have horrendous self confidence issues, but I can count on the Boy to talk me out of my bad days.

    I was absolutely dreading wedding dress shopping. I even cried before my first appointment and begged the Boy to come with me (he didn’t – he’s a traditionalist!). The thought of dresses looking hideous/stripping off in front of an assistant was my worst nightmare.

    Luckily, I happened to go to the most wonderful boutique, with a lovely owner who was very kind and gentle and put me in some of the most stunning gowns. I don’t I have ever felt as good as standing in one of her gowns. She is a credit to the bridal business!

    I know that even if I have a fat day, or a week where I stare anxiously at the scales, I can put my dress on on my wedding day and feel, and look, amazing.

    I cannot wait for that day 🙂

  22. Vicky your gorgeous.

    I know exactly what you you mean about the school taunts. I also was called crappy, false things at school stick insect, fraggle, anorexic…on the flip side it was due to being too skinny. (no its not a blessing!) The voices still stick with me today. I’ve gone from wearing two pairs of trousers to school to beef my legs up to now having a small obsession with ‘flat bum syndrome’ (where your bum merges into your legs and theres no round bit) I hate it – and always have to make sure I buy trousers/skirts/dresses that the most of the slight curve that i do have there.

    I try to remind myself that I am who I am, I’m never going to look like Jessica Rabbit and my boobs are just going to shrink further and further the more children i have!

    I am however, a lucky mummy of one, a bride to be and happy with my lot in life. 🙂

  23. I too have suffered with my weight and never really found a diet that worked for me. My problem is I like to eat and I am ruled by my emotions when eating which is not a good combo. After a friend at work lost some weight and looked fab I did the Dukan diet. I started in Jan as a size 12 (but had started to wobble towards a 14) and by March I was a comfortable size 10. I’ve kept the weight off and feel so much better for it. I’ve got no inclination to go skinnier and I felt amazing on w-day and feel more body confident than I ever have.

  24. I’m currently right in the midst of Operation Wedding Dress Diet. I was always one of those girls who could eat what I wanted, do no exercise and still slip into my size 10 jeans with room to spare. Until about 4 years ago when I was whacked onto some hefty steroids and have been struggling with my weight ever since.

    When we got engaged I so desperately wanted to get into a size 10 wedding dress. I don’t even know why it was so important to me and refused to let myself go dress shopping until I’d lost a stone. I accidentally found my dress before I’d lost my stone and ended up ordering it in a size 14…I’m now a 12.

    I try not to let my weight get to me because I know if I hadn’t gone on that medication I would be very very poorly and I know my health is more important than the label in my clothes. But sometimes I look back on how I used to look and wonder why on earth I can’t be like that again if I already did it once, you know?

    Great first post Vix and massive congrats on your engagement.

    Loves,
    Rachel xx

  25. HUGE well done to Vix for sharing this – its obviously struck a chord!

    Although I am on a bit of a SLIM DOWN FOR WEDDING DAY maddo trip at the moment (gyming and avoiding carbs as if they’ll poison me…even typing that makes me feel a bit mental 🙂 ) I just wanted to say that a friend of mine has said exactly the same as Charlotte re. weight on her wedding day – she wishes she had kept a few pounds on as she feels she looked too gaunt in her photos.

    I know it’s all relative, but a bit of perspective is always a good thing (I remind myself of this when I see my whale arms in the mirror when I’m in my dress…!!)

    xxx

  26. this has really touched a cord with me , i felt my heart break a little reading your post, isn’t it awful how a little throwaway comment can stay with you for life 🙁 the boys at school targeted me for my lips -which some people would pay some serious £££ to be as full as my bad boys! – my nose also which at one point i did consider slicing off the tip with a stanley knife in art class- i didn’t that god!

    I get the whole food thing. I LOVE food , i can eat when i’m happy sad or anything inbetween and now that i’m totally in love i have really , really put a lot of weight on. I have been with my HTB for 6 years now and was soooooooooooo excited when he proposed (and relieved)! but all the wedding plans have been totally marred by my weight and when i think of finding a wedding dress it makes me want to cry . I have 1 yr until the wedding and have FOUR stone to lose!!! I have lost one with the help of weight watchers but i just cant picture me in a white dress (thats a lie, i can but its Abby Clancy’s body and my head super-imposed onto it) 😉 and the thought of stepping into a bridal shop sends me into a blind panic

    so my lovely , you are not alone I still look for ‘slimming’ lipsticks and have experimented with hats to cover my nose but with the help of facebook i can gleefully see that the boys that picked on me are not yet 30 and all but one of them have lost their hair and have beer guts the size of small elephants …. Karma is bloody fantastic!! xxx

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