Morning gorgeous folks, it’s Charlotte here – (albeit briefly)… sometimes you’ve got to hold your hands up and say “I’m not the right person to write this piece” but if it’s something you think is relevant and/or important then the answer is simple – find someone that IS. For those of you that are familiar with RMW 2011 real bride Naomi then you will understand why her no-holds-barred and witty conversational style was made to cover this personal and somewhat taboo topic. For those of that are not familiar with Madam Liddell well – you soon will be, and you are in for a take-away-the-Monday-morning-blues treat… of the slightly naughty but non-calorific variety.
As always we welcome your opinions, thoughts and general awesome community spirit, feel free to comment as Anon/an alias if you would prefer to keep your identity private.
Sex and Marriage
During a recent Skype conversation between myself and the tiny, blonde Charlotte, we got talking about garters. Which then lead on to us talking about sexiness. Which then lead to us talking about sex. Especially sex after marriage. It went something like this:
Me: Maybe you should do a garters/sexiness/sex post on RMW.
Charlotte: Hmm… I’ve thought about this one before. Do you think it would go down well? I suppose there is that whole “Once it’s “I do”, it’s “I don’t in the bedroom” thing people say, which is quite frankly rubbish!
Me: I don’t in the bedroom?? That’s insane. Who says stuff like that??
Charlotte: I know! I don’t know if I’m the right person to write about it though. Maybe you should?
Me: You want me to write about sex and sexiness on RMW?
Charlotte: Yes. Listen, if fancy glossy Bridal magazines can write about sex and marriage, we can. Anyway, I think you’re the perfect person for it…
So let me begin by saying that I am by no means an expert. I also do not have the perfect collection of lingerie, nor do I have the perfect sex life to go with it. But because there is no such thing as the perfect lingerie collection and there is no such thing as the perfect sex life, I believe that we can all start off on the same page and talk pretty frankly about, what is essentially an important part of any marriage.
Once It’s I Do, It’s I Don’t In The Bedroom
Can I just take a moment to say something? This phrase angers me. What complete and utter bollocks. Pardonne le Francais. But whoever came up with this little tidbit of worldy knowledge clearly did not have a very well rounded marriage on the go. Or perhaps they were just someone trying to justify their choices in life by speculating on the marriages of others. Either way, I can honestly say that once I became Mrs L, I didn’t have the sudden inclination to become celebate. Quite the opposite actually.
The other thing I would like to raise is that question. The one that generally gets thrown at you by a single aquaintance who doesn’t know you too well, usually at a party and is also generally accompanied by a few too many Cab Sauv.
The “So, you’re going to have sex with one person for the rest of your life?!” question.
I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss this question, as anyone who is in a loving and lustful relationship will tesify, it generally comes across quite insulting.
The answer to this question in very basic terms is “Yes, I’m going to have sex with one person for the rest of my life.” But if looked at through the eyes of someone who is head over heels in love and adoration, ready to spend the rest of their life with said person and happens to find said person insanely sexually attractive, the answer should read more like this:
“(Hell) Yes, I’m going to have (the best) sex (I’ve ever had) with (the) one person (that I want to have sex with) for the rest of my life.”
To be perfectly frank (and I warned you I would be), I am delighted to have sexual exploration with other people behind me. I am glad to be rid of awkward encounters with men in clubs, deciphering body language/text messages and disappointing sexual experiences.
I can now say that I am lucky enough to spend the rest of my life having fun. Sexy fun with my husband. My husband who adores me in every way. With ‘forever’ meaning that we can spend our time working on having a smokin’ hot sex life. Time well spent I believe.
Let us begin with the wedding night. Some of you may be looking forward to sex on your wedding night. Some of you haven’t even thought about it and are more concerned about drowning in a sea of table plans. Some of you may be having sex for the first time on your wedding night. Some of you may be worried about falling asleep drunk.
So I’ll tell you about us. We did not have sex on our wedding night. There’s a bit of an elaborate story about our hotel fiasco over on my blog, but the jist is, we were locked out of our room until 5am. Cue, Gavin and I falling into bed, me realising we were both filthy, the sheets were ‘spensive and white and forcing half asleep Gavin to get a bath with me. Now we all know that bath sex just doesn’t work, so we sipped Champagne and soaked in the tub, all dewy eyed and exhausted. We then curled up in bed together and woke up on our first morning as man and wife, still completely high on the love from the day before and then we consumated our marriage.
I think people put a lot of pressure on their sex lives. Everyone seems to believe that everyone is having more sex than them. So here is where I say, some are, some aren’t. And who cares? Focus on yourselves. Yes, there will be times when you and your man just cannot, for the love of sugar puffs, keep your hands off each other. Yes, there will also be times when you both just want to veg out and sex doesn’t even enter into it. Yes, there will also be times when one of you is up for it and the other one couldn’t be further away from it. But you know what? That’s ok. We can’t always be raging sex maniacs. But here’s the secret that I’ve found works for me: It should be fun. Flirty and sexy and giggly and touchy feely and fun. Anytime Gavin and I aren’t on the same wavelength sexually, we step it right back to the beginning and promise to flirt more with each other. We spend days flirting, which makes us both feel more sexy and puts the spark right back where it belongs.
All sex lives require effort from time to time. But effort for sex should always be half the fun.
I’m Sexy And I Know It
Girlies, as I type this, I am sitting in an old t-shirt and shorts, sweating bullets as it’s 43 degrees outside and the room I’m in doesn’t have air con. I haven’t straightened my hair and I’m pretty convinced I still have seeds from my lemon and poppy seed muffin stuck in my teeth. Do you think if Gavin walks in now, I’ll be all “Come on, big boy.” No. I am entirely unsexy at this moment in time. But that’s ok.
Because once I finish writing this post, I’m going to put on some music, get showered, put on a summer dress, paint my nails and spritz some of my favourite perfume around to make myself feel sexy before my husband gets home. I’ll also make an effort to be flirty and giggly, because getting a laugh out of my husband makes me feel insanely sexy. No idea why.
It may sound very ‘Stepford Wives’ (and make no mistake, Gavin is quite regularly subjected to a less than preened version of myself), but every now and then I will go out of my way to look hot. There are usually two people I will do this for, and no I’m not about to divulge some weird, sordid secret. The two very important people in my life that I speak of are: My husband. And MYSELF.
As women, we all know the value of feeling sexy in our own skin. We all have our rituals for beauty and we all have our rituals for sexy. Usually the sexy is reserved for the bedroom. But I say make sexy apart of your lifestyle. When we feel sexy, we act sexy and when we act sexy, we want sex. Nine times out of ten, the man in your life is going to spot these signs and pounce on you like a lion with a steak.
And I’ll let you all in on a secret… Nothing has made me feel as smokin’ hot and sexy as I do, now that I’m Gavin’s wife.
So ladies, I’ve told you mine… now it’s time for you to tell me yours.
What are your thoughts on sex after marriage?
Do you think you’ll have sex on your wedding night? And for the wives out there… did you even have sex on your wedding night?
What makes you feel at your sexiest? Matching underwear? Killer heels? A flirty smile from your man?
Lots of I-can’t believe-I-just-talked-about-sex-on-Rock-My-Wedding Love,
P.S. How delighted am I to be writing on these polka dot pages again?! I’ve missed you all.