6 months and 14 days to go.
This is according to my new iWedding Planner. On my new iPhone. A contract entered into sheerly for my own wedding planning pleasure. I’m not kidding. I got a new phone and sold my soul to the 24 month contract devil, just so I could plan my wedding. I needed direct access to my photographers replying email and RMW’s new post immediately whilst getting my morning cup of rooibos tea on my way to work.
Oh God! I had become one of those people.
I spent a lot of all of my time looking at blogs, magazines, design websites, twitter links, wedding planning books, ebay, hair and make up tutorials… the list could go on, but I won’t.
Basically, I had become a wedding planning machine.
But it had to stop.
It got to a stage that I was spending all my waking hours bombarding my mind with imagery, hints, tips, stories, how to’s and ideas. My social life began to suffer, so did my work and most importantly my relationship. Gavin would come home to see the back of my head and my face glued to some sexy little wedding blog… “oooh look at that table plan!”. I became such a sentimental sausage that I would whole heartedly weep at tacky wedding shows and throw hissy fits at the slightest mention of changing the guest list. It had become clear, that I was exhausted.
So I had a detox. A wedding planning detox. I stepped away from the computer, I recycled the magazines and I spent some time with a note book. I wrote down what was important to Gavin and I, what we wanted for our day and for our marriage.
I realised a lot of things in this time. I realised that all of the beautiful images I was looking at were in fact making me feel inferior, under pressure and in many ways inadequate. They were also firing up some kind of need to be original, quirky and produce never-seen-before details for the wedding. I was putting myself under immense pressure and didn’t even realise it. So I had a breather. I spent time with friends, I spent time with Gavin and I allowed myself just a few glances at my favourite blogs.
This little break worked a treat. I regained my focus and my passion for OUR wedding! I could now look at blogs and other folks weddings with admiration and grace, rather than jealousy and some kind of competitive compulsion to do better. With the weight of my own expectations lifted from my shoulders, I became more creative than ever.
I hit the ground running and began designing our save the dates. I wanted to give people something that they would use, something that they would look at regularly and keep as a token. One of the sweetest things Gavin ever did for me was at dinner one night. He listed all of the books he had fallen in love with and wanted me to read on a piece of paper, then folded it and gave it to me. Two years on this is still my bookmark. In honour of this romantic notion I decided to design bookmarks for our guests. So with Photoshop on my side, I set about them like a bear eating beans.
I had so much fun making these and am genuinely proud of my efforts. I have had lovely feedback from family and friends. It excites me so much to actually be DOING stuff now, instead of planning to do stuff. I think that the planning side can really take over. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my wedding porn. I am also still constantly inspired by images I see. But I feel much more fluffy about it all now. Happy and content with our own efforts and not pressurised by those of others.
Since what I like to call “the wedding melt down” I have become at peace with the fact that not everything we plan will be noticed, not everything we try will work and not everything we do will be original. But it will be ours.
Ever The Recovering Psycho,