Planning

Valentines Day when you're planning a wedding can be a very strange day. Perhaps you got engaged over Christmas, the excitement has slowly fizzled out and reality has set in. Now you have to plan a wedding - on your own, while also working full time, maintaining a social life and trying not to argue with your fiancé over every last detail...ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! Let's be honest, every relationship takes work and planning a wedding can take it's toll. I'm personally of the belief that couples who don't argue are just plain weird (*cough* nothing to do with the fiery rows that take place in this house *cough*) so don't worry too much if the stress gets too much and bubbles over - it's completely natural. BUT there are ways to avoid constant battles and to actually have some fun together while planning your wedding. Here's some sage advice we've picked up from couples over the years...

Why Are We Arguing?

Planning a wedding is all-consuming, so naturally it’s going to take it’s toll on your relationship. You’re trying to save money, so perhaps going out less. You might also be doing lots of DIY projects which can be tiring and take over your home! There’s definitely a reduction in the quality time you spend together as a couple while you’re engaged, because your focus is on having an amazing wedding day and this takes a lot of time and effort. Plus one of you might really care about the linen colours, one of you might, well, just not. Try to remember that these differences aren’t reflective of how you actually feel about each other. Money will often cause some tension along the way. It’s pretty much unavoidable as you’ll certainly encounter things you hadn’t originally budgeted for. Communicate, be flexible and make sure the budget is fair to both of you. There’s no harm in deciding that you’d rather ditch an expensive cake and add more money to the dress budget, or hire suits from the high street so that the boys can have a destination stag do, just TALK ABOUT IT. If it’s really that important to you or your other half, then both of you will want to make it happen anyway.

Avoiding Unnecessary Stress

Communication is key - setting a clear budget and being honest about it from the get-go is essential. Reserve time for each other where you do non-wedding related activities. When things are getting a little out of hand, try to remind yourself that it’s just one day. A marriage on the other hand, is for a lifetime. Don’t get too obsessed with Pinterest. There’s enough inspiration out there for you to create a thousand different wedding days. Your day should reflect the two of you as a couple - no matter how much you want to recreate the hanging cake from this morning's real wedding...

Don't Let Family/Friends Cause Issues

As harsh as it sounds, extended family have no say in who you invite to your big day. The decision rests with you and your partner, especially when it comes to the guest list. A good rule to go by is asking yourselves whether you’ve spoken to the person in question within the last year. If not, then don’t feel obliged to invite them. In some circumstances obviously this rule is flexible, old friends, family who you want there but communication is usually through your parents - that kind of thing. The only time other people can have an opinion is when they are paying for your wedding day. In this case, it’s always polite to listen to their suggestions, but ultimately the decision still rests with you and your partner. If you are choosing not to invite someone and it may cause offence, then speak to them about it. Explain that you’re having a small wedding and it’s close friends and family only. Or just accept that you might have several people descending on your evening do who you don’t particularly like - by that point you really won’t care. Joy, love and alcohol will truly have taken over...

Take A Break

When it all gets too much - have a night out with your friends. They will want to hear about your wedding woes and stresses. They care about whether your mother in law is trying to make things too matchy-matchy and whether the shade of pink you’ve chosen is the right one. And once you’ve let off some steam - talk to your other half. If it’s really getting to you or you feel as if he/she isn’t pulling his weight then it needs to be discussed. But remember what I said earlier, just because he/she doesn’t care about the finer details, doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t care about you.

We Can't Settle On A Location

This is a tricky one, as location (for the wedding and the honeymoon) are very important factors. If you’re both set on getting married where you grew up and they happen to be at opposite ends of the country then it’s probably best to chose somewhere neutral for your venue. That way family have to travel equal distances and hopefully you won’t be in a situation where one half of the family feels shortchanged. It’s like a heightened version of where to spend Christmas, ultimately you both have to compromise otherwise there will be resentment. The same applies to honeymoons - if one of you is really unhappy about the chosen destination, then it won’t be enjoyable. It’s really important that there’s something there for both of you to enjoy and remember the primary purpose is to relax TOGETHER.

Dealing With The In-Laws

Parents and in-laws can be annoying at the best of times, let alone when there’s a wedding to plan. If they are helping out by paying for things, then you absolutely must listen to their opinion, but ultimately you don’t have to go with what they say. If it’s really getting to you, then ask your other half to have a word. They might not even realise they are being overbearing and a polite but firm conversation will hopefully iron things out. Try to remember that they are only trying to help and that they love you. And if all else fails, just let it go in one ear and out the other...

Keep The Romance Alive

Have regular quality time that doesn’t involve wedding planning. Even if it’s just a picnic in the park, or an evening sunset stroll - ban all wedding related conversation and have fun together to make sure you remember why it is you’re getting married in the first place. And also, make planning enjoyable - the cake tastings, watching potential wedding bands live, there’s a lot of fun to be had along the way!
{Happy Valentines Lovers, big kisses from the whole RMW Team xxxx P.S. For more relationship chat on this day of romance, head to our sister blog Rock My Style where we're discussing whether opposites really do attract...}

Written by Fern Godfrey

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