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Getting Married – For Better or Worse?

One of the biggest concerns for many people before getting married is that it will change the dynamic of their relationship. Things will become boring, complacency will slip in. Getting your head around being with the same person forever is quite a big thing to deal with. Once the excitement of receiving a sparkling ring and getting engaged begins to fade and the wedding planning kicks in, it’s perfectly normal to have wobbles. So today we thought we’d share our experiences of how relationships change for the better once the knot is tied. It doesn’t all have to be slippers and nights in front of the TV…and yes, it’s hard work. A lifelong commitment is never going to easy – but is it worth it?! We think so. And here’s why…

Lottie

Edd and I got married at what is now seen to be quite a young age, 26, but we had been together since 17 so was the next natural step. Having gone through a lot of life’s ‘big’ things so far together (finishing school, university, first jobs, first house) we both knew that marriage was what we wanted. It showed our commitment and the fact that we knew we could spend the rest of our lives together. That is still true today. Marriage means we are in this together, through thick and thin and this makes our relationship all the stronger. I love knowing I have Edd by my side, that we can face the world together and build our lives together. Being Mr and Mrs Manns means there is two of us. And you are always stronger with two.

Lolly

I’m not really sure that getting married per se has changed our relationship for the better…I don’t think that purely a signature on a dotted line should make any difference to you as a couple nor your relationship. That said I do really like being Ste’s wife; I love being able to introduce him to people as my husband and it puts to bed any worries I may have about our legal status and what each of us is entitled to should something happen to one of us. But most of all I cherished the fact that we were able to share our dedication to each other in front of all our friends and family; in that sense I feel like something was cemented in a way that perhaps wasn’t as readily apparent to others pre-marriage.

Lauren

What changes when you get married? Nothing and everything! Yes the mundane of every day life still exists and it most definitely won’t fix the things that are wrong in a relationship. However I don’t believe you can stand in front of your family and friends and whole heartedly say those vows without it changing the way you view your partner. If you remember those promises on a daily basis it will undoubtedly change you relationship for the better.

Charlotte

No marriage is perfect, it takes compromise and patience to make any relationship work. For me personally being thoughtful is really important – taking into consideration how your partner is feeling, making an effort to make them happy with small (or big!) gestures when possible. My husband treated me to a beautiful diamond ring when our daughter was born which I now wear every day but equally, every time we have a frost he always scrapes my windscreen in the morning so I don’t get cold hands and am able to drive away on time.

Sometimes it’s the little things that are the most romantic.

Lorna

Rob and I have been together since 1999! Wow it sounds so strange saying another century, we didn’t actually tie the knot until 2010. (Hopefully it didn’t take him 11 years to decide I was the one!) Now when we celebrate our wedding anniversary I actually feel cheated I can not include those 11 years pre wedding.

When we were first married not a lot changed. We of course enjoyed the initial honeymoon period where you constantly addressed each other as Mr or Mrs Shaw, but then life just got back to normal. It was a different normal, but normal all the same. Although we’d been together so long and had opened up to each other, you definitely let go just that little bit more. We’re 6 years down the line now and every year that passes I feel more connected to him. I LOVE being able to call him my husband. He is literally my world, my best friend. The vows we took “Til death do us part, through sickness and health” I know mean as much to him as they do to me. We are a team, a family and I know he will ALWAYS be there for me (and our children). The pure thought of loosing him, seeing him suffer makes me sick to the stomach. I’ve said to him when we are old I want to go first as I would literally die of a broken heart having to live on without him.

Laura

I am a huge, huge advocate for the institution of marriage. My grandparents have been married forever (and ever), and my parents are teenage sweethearts who went separate ways before quickly realising they were definitely made for each other. Dan’s parents are also still together after 36 years of marriage so between us we were set some pretty amazing examples. Not just those of happily married times and love stories, but also of coping with difficulties together, financial hardships as a team, supporting one another through grief and generally just getting real life right. Before I became a Mrs I was in the camp which proclaims a piece of paper cannot change a relationship, and even once we were engaged, and planning our wedding, I still genuinely didn’t foresee anything altering. Admittedly, the changes were subtle initially post tying the knot, some may argue that very little in our every day lives changed, but all changes were further compounded when “we” became three and parenthood took over.

So how has our relationship improved for the better? Both of us know the other isn’t perfect, and to an outsider our life together probably has many imperfections, but “we” definitely get better with age and I think keeping a grasp of this reality, and forgetting all pedestals is something to thank marriage for. With any relationship comes a sense of team, and I love that belonging, and knowing my team mate is in it for the long run (’til death do us part!!). It also makes me so happy that Dan just knows an awful lot of things… he just knows that my car driving song of choice is always a singalong (preferably a Neil Diamond classic), he just knows that emptying the bins is not a job for me, he just knows I can’t resist a pretty tea cup so never to question another purchase, and most importantly, he just knows when to ramp up the levels of support he offers. Would he know these things if he was my boyfriend, rather than Mr H? Yes, without doubt, but that super close source of support, without ever having to ask for it, is definitely something I attribute to our marriage. Finally, with matrimony comes being totally, 100% comfortable expressing ourselves; whether that’s arguing, letting the other know we need some reassurance, or even just reminding the other that we think they’re pretty amazing, never having to think before you speak is bloody brilliant. Getting married is a completely personal choice, but for me being a wife and mother are the best (and hardest) two jobs in the world.

De Beers Wedding Bands

Each De Beers engagement ring has a matching his and hers wedding band, so exchanging rings on your wedding day will be truly special. The DB Classic One Diamond Band is clean and elegant, with a single diamond set on the top, symbolising a token of your love, so that you carry a part of each other even when you’re apart. And if you love this sentiment, but your other half will not wear a band with a diamond on, even the plain wedding bands by De Beers are set with a concealed diamond on the inside. How completely and utterly romantic?

Author: Fern Godfrey
Fern spends most of her time dreaming about weddings and trying to convince her long-suffering boyfriend to propose. Lucky enough to live in sunny Cornwall, if you need her – you’ll find her at beach.
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