A Lack Of Aisle Style……?

*Hello lovelies…Charlotte here (albeit briefly). I am going to introduce you to Pamela (although for some of you that read her hilarious comments she needs no introduction at all)…resident RMW reader and ravishing redhead. Pamela is going to share her biggest wedding “fear”…please feel free to leave her some love at the end of this post.

Pamela: The last day of 2012’s Easter bank holiday will now forever be known (and certainly not affectionately so) as ‘Meltdown Monday’. The Big C had gone on an arty-farty mission to London town and I was at home alone with the dog. I was meant to be undertaking my own artistic endeavours (Chanel nail polish in ‘June’ at the ready – a pale, ‘creamsicle’ orange according to Vogue.), catching up on my reading (Heat, Look, Glamour and Marie-Claire all in a nice stack) and generally avoiding eating anything chocolate-covered and egg shaped (final dress fitting booked in for 30 June – must have arms like Jennifer Aniston and a torso like Jennifer Lopez). Thoroughly busy day planned, yes?

I am, on the whole, good at being alone. I like being solitary. I can amuse myself for hours before I even have to speak to another soul. In fact, it’s more like days. When we go on our holidays the Big C always has to remind me that other folk require a certain level of engagement, “Pamela, you have been laid on that sunlounger, in the same floppy hat, for three days straight now. The fact that you are on your fifth book and flip yourself over every 45 minutes is indeed the only indication you have given that you are still alive.” Me told. Still happens every year though.

However, that Monday I should not have been alone. I could have done a million and one other things (gone and seen my big sister and try to convince her to call her unborn baby, Clint, met up with my best friend to buy yet another unnecessary but totally required Zara blazer, gone digging at my aunty’s allotment – I have been to the allotment but only for the shed biscuit tin and the gossip, no digging has yet been undertaken – hit the treadmill at the gym with old school Britney ringing in my ears). But I didn’t…

Instead I sat on my sofa and had a major wedding wobble. In fact, wobble is an understatement…it was more of an earthquake. And all because of one teeny tiny element of the day…

I’m not sure I will actually make it down the aisle. And it isn’t because of my heels. They may be ridiculously high but I grew up on nights out in Liverpool. I can do high.

You know that moment that brides everywhere talk about – when you arrive at the church with your family and best girls and every head turns to look at you. When you’re on the arm of your papa and see your groom at the bottom of the aisle? When you just know this is going to be the best day ever? Well, that, quite frankly makes me feel sick and I could well do without it. Thank you very much. Is there a side entrance I can come in at?

Now, in the land of RMW, where everything is ‘your day, your way’ one would think I would be able to do-away with the whole aisle bit of the ceremony (we are getting wed in a church) and I could maybe arrive at the church with the Big C, or even be there before all the guests or just, well, I don’t quite know, do something else. However, I am marrying a traditionalist. The Big C is a stickler for ‘how things should be done’ and to him, it’s really important that I get myself down that aisle in traditional bridal styley. It’s as important to him as it is to me that my hand-dyed paper doily place settings are just the right shade of peach, and I won’t be doing without those blinking doilies, I tell you…so, for him, I’m going to have to get myself down that aisle.

The Big C is somewhat of a peacock (so much so that he is incorporating said bird’s feather into his buttonhole) and cannot wait to stand up there in front of all 76 guests, in his Hugo Boss suit and do the wedding do. He has tried, God bless him, to understand my fears, but alas, we have now reached a ‘men are from Mars, women are from Venus’ point in the proceedings.

“I just don’t get it, Pam. I see you when you go out with Lisa* (*the best friend). You’re hardly a pair of shrinking violets are you?! We have more fake hair in our cupboards than the Raquel Welch wig line, more tan than the cast of TOWIE and enough bows and ribbons to make Little Bow Peep weep. Surely this whole aisle thing would be your thing? And, even if it’s not, can’t you just do what you always do when you’re nervous and ‘style it out’?”

But the Big C is missing the point. On a night out, everyone looks like that. Sure, we all like to think our fashions are individual, but come on…the jig is up, just think how many RMW readers own that Zara blazer…However, on the wedding day, there’s only going to be one person in the white frock and that’s me. And to be honest, as much as I j’adore my dress and cannot wait to wear it, I’m not sure how I will wear all the attention…I am not the Lagerfeld, I am not used to a whole day of people telling me I am ‘fabulous’. It just all feels a bit cringey and a little bit bulls*itty – can I say that on RMW?!

However, I am committed to doing it. It’s a similar feeling to my commitment to the gym. I will go, as it is wholly necessary, but, there are 101 other things I would much rather be doing. So, likening it to my 45 minutes three times a week on the treadmill, I thought it would be made easier if I really liked the song that I was going to be walking down the aisle to. I hate running but stick on Robin S ‘Show me Love’ and I’m on my beach in Ibiza. Looking skinny in a cut out swimsuit. And to get there, I need to run. So, aisle music…

Problematic because there are probably only about three slow songs in the whole world that I like. I’m somewhat of a disco dolly. If I can’t dance to it, what’s the point? So, here are the list of song choices that I came up with and the Big C’s response to each:

MGMT ‘Electric Feel’ (reminds me of our trip to the Garden Festival in Croatia) – “No, Pamela, people will think you’ve taken LSD. You’re meant to be serene, not surreal.”

Nina Simone ‘Here comes the sun’ – “Hang on, your worried about people looking at you and thinking you think you’re some kind of model, but isn’t this a bit like declaring you are like the sun? That’s a pretty bold statement to make. A bit like Lady Gaga’s hair bow – bold and not to everyone’s taste.”

Nat King Cole ‘Ballerina’ (reminds me of dancing round the kitchen as a little girl with my dad) – “But it’s about how she chose her career over love. Are you going to leave me to become some kind of PR supremo a la Max Clifford?”

Fleetwood Mac ‘Everywhere’ – “Seriously, try walking to that song, it’s impossible. Look at you. You’re bobbing away. You can’t dance down the aisle. Granted it may be a YouTube sensation but is that really what you want? Oh, and your dad, he would be singing to it. The pair of you, dancing and singing all the way down the aisle.”

So, there you have it. Major aisle fears. I do not want to be like a grinning buffoon on the day, but neither do I want to look like I am about to endure some kind of open heart-surgery sans anaesthetic.

I don’t want to race down the aisle as we all know how stupid that looks (we went to one wedding where it was like watching Usain Bolt on the athletics track) but neither do I want to prolong it. I am, after all, not Heidi Klum.

They way I see it, I just have to get down it. At the moment, I am not sure how that is going to happen but I will have the old fella next to me and he’s always been more than happy to give me a shove when necessary. Dad’s always know what’s good for their girls. And, as a very dear friend said, “Look, it can’t be any worse than giving birth and everyone says that’s what happens to you after marriage. And we all know how much you like wearing a floral cigarette pant. And you wouldn’t be able to wear them if you were preggo. So maybe, you should prolong the aisle bit for as long as possible and just try to enjoy it?”

Do you have a fear of the aisle? and if not what is your greatest W-day fear?


Pamela x

Author: Charlotte O’Shea
Purveyor of short shorts. Make-up junkie. Hopes to grow old disgracefully.

90 thoughts on “A Lack Of Aisle Style……?

  1. I am with you on this one – just reading it made me feel a little sick! 😉 but I think you just have to think about what’s at the end of the aisle (sorry sounds so cheesy) but when you get there, you’ll be marrying the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and for me that makes the whole ‘100 people looking at me’ a little easier to deal with!! Oh, and I suppose a glass (or 2) of champagne beforehand always settles nerves 😉 x x x

  2. I’m with Sarah in prescribing a glass of champagne, a deep breath and focussing on Big C and him alone. And have you thought about going all yankee and sending your bridesmaids down first? All of which is not to belittle your fears in any way at all, but it’s good to have a plan, no? I’ll be thinking of you and do let us know how it goes.

    I am greedy and have TWO big fears: one is dress shopping. I am pretty certain that the wedding industry don’t cater for dumpy. In fact I saw a Joanna Hehir dress online that I quite liked (a major feat) yesterday, only to find out that they only make them up to a size 12. So that made this short arsed (and yet, large arsed) size 16 feel even worse about herself. In fact, tomorrow is the dreaded day when I go to 2 shops and humiliate myself in front of my mother, friend and sales ladies wearing very little (although I will be as cunningly covered as I think I can get away with – I’ve bought a bloody hideous petticoat and everything). I’ve not slept for the last 2 nights and I feel sick and tearful every time I think of it.

    The other is photography – mainly because I think I’m going to look awful (see above whining). That’s a way off yet (November) so I’m concentrating the white knuckle fear on tomorrow. 27 1/2 hours time – arrrggghhhhh.

  3. I cannot wait to walk down the aisle, in fact, my biggest fear is that I will get over excited and RUN down it!! The only thing stopping that is the 6 1/2 inch heels and my sister (who’s giving me away) has threatened to rugby tackle me if I do so…not the best look in your bridal gown!!
    X x

  4. Yay for having Pamela on RMW!! And yay to her for writing about this in her post. Whenever anyone asks me if I’m nervous, this is the exact bit that I say. And then they look at me like I’m mental??

    Literally – that bit where we pull up outside, walk up to the doors with Dad and everyone is inside waiting for ME – eugh, actually want to vomit. And then you step inside and everyone is stood up and turned round watching the door, waiting for me to step in so they can see me & judge my outfit, appearence, demeanor, poise (I don’t have poise, never have – seriously doubt I’m going to develop any between now and then)… *passes out in cold sweat*
    Room full of people I know and love or not the whole ‘aisle’ thing fills me with horror

    I’ve now connected this fear with ‘the dress’ (because that’s what everyone is turning round and craning their necks to get a good look at, argh!) and so I’m putting off shopping for it for as long as I possibly can. It’s gone from the thing that I was most excited about doing, to the absolute last thing that I want to do because I feel so nervous about the whole thing.

    I also get this horrendous nervous ‘flush’ all the way up my neck and over my chest. That’s going to look AMAZING against a white neckline *rolls eyes*. So now I’m nervous about the aisle, AND nervous about getting ‘the flush’.

    Anyway, thanks for writing this post!! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone with it even if there isn’t an easy solution to it!!

  5. Totally having the same meltdown…although mine has now extended to “oh my god, I actually have to SPEAK in front of all those people. Out loud. AND sing. And it’ll all be caught on camera FOREVER more?!” Thankfully the church we’ve booked has a teeny tiny aisle, it’s just what happens when I get to the end of it that’s bothering me – what if I fluff my lines? What if I freeze and can’t speak? Or even worse, what if I cry and ruin all the make up? I’m hoping a glass of the ‘ol bucks fizz or ten beforehand might calm me down (and not get me insanely drunk). xx

  6. This was really funny- but this is one part I hadn’t even thought would be worrying! Just goes to show how people have different reactions to everything.

  7. 1. Pamela how lovely to see a post by you! You are fab.

    2. Totally legit fear. I also suffer with this terribly, the thought of everyone eagerly looking at me and only me made me consider eloping.

    3. However, I can see Big C’s point about wanting the tradition, it is pretty symbolic of moving from one stage in your life to another.

    4. I am attemping to combat my own fear by sending my best girls down before me and having a very small group of guests attend the ceremony. There may also be some hiding behind my dad going on.

    5. I have almost convinced myself that by the time I get to the start of the aisle I will be so giddy I just won’t care.
    I get married a week on Saturday so I’ll let you know how it goes!

    6. I love numbering stuff.

  8. Peridot- I had major dress shopping nerves, the thought of going to a bridal shop made me feel sick for a very long time! I thought I was going to get in there and be laughed at by everyone so I booked a secret appointment all alone at a shop where I knew no-one and when I got there the whole experience was lovely. The ladies didn’t laugh and I actually didn’t look horrendous in a wedding dress.
    It helped to alay my fears.Fear not, I’m no size 8/10, I’m a generous 14 in places, but when I went to a designer place they even had samples in my size there too.. My advice is to get out of your own way as I know I was my own worst enemy.. These ladies see a lot of people with not much on. They will have seen bigger and smaller people and they will even have their own body hang-ups. Yes, not all of the samples will be in your size but the ladies at the shops you’re going to will help you find a dress that makes you feel beautiful!!

  9. Also I’m not scared of the aisle but I’ve chosen Sixpence, None athe Richer- “Kiss Me” to walk down the aisle to!

  10. I’m with you here. The thought of everyone looking at me gives me the worst kind of butterflies. In fact, I’ve asked (demanded) a lot of my friends look the other way!

    To make things worse, my mum is walking me down the aisle and she is even more nervous then I am! Not ideal!

    My aisle is so short, it would probably take me two seconds to walk down it so I am deffo sending my bridesmaids down first… whether they like it or not!

    I’m walking down to ‘Sea of Love’ By Cat Power. I absolutley love the song so hopefully it will make me less nervous… although it has been known to make me cry so who knows what’s going to happen!

    Thank god I’ve got 6 months to try and calm myself down! x

  11. @Peridot – I imagine that every bride (whatever their size) is nervous to some extent about dress shopping…and be prepared to look pretty darn stupid in lots of them! I had a very fixed idea in my head about what kind of dress I wanted and then when I popped one on I was like ‘Christ on a bike, I look a bugger in this!’ and had to totally start all over again. I like to think I know my clothes and what suits my body shape but honestly when it came to wedding dresses clueless…I would say, go with an open mind and LISTEN to what the shop ladies say. They are the experts at dressing body shapes so be prepared to take a bit of advice. And also, don’t think they or anyone else is judging you when they’re ‘sizing you up’ so to speak. I really thought this girl in one shop was looking at my shelf like bum and nearly had a meltdown and made us leave but as my dear sister said: “Yes, she is checking you out because she needs to work out what your body shape is and what is going to suit you best. She WANTS you to get a good dress and look amazing in it, otherwise it’s just bad business for her.”

  12. I can 100% sympathise with this, i am very scared of the aisle walk. I have fear I won’t be able to say my vows and that the fear will come across on camera. I am marrying the best man and I don’t want to look scared in my wedding pictures! I am hoping a glass of fizz or two and only looking at the boy ought to get me through! Friends who have married have said that all this worry will melt away on the day and it will all be fine – I am heavily relying on these words!

    Thank you for the post its great to see you on RMW pages! xx

  13. @Ruthie Ruth – but the ‘flush’ sounds adorable my love! The blushing bride! I have a slight lazy eye and I am terrified that if i have one alcoholic drink on my wedding pics it’s going to show up! x

  14. @Gem:

    1. I adore a numbered list too.
    2. Thank you for point number one on your list.
    3. Good thinking on the best girls front but alas I only have one (the sister) and she will literally have just given birth so I don’t think she particularly wants to swan in first either!

  15. I’m glad you wrote this, as I too have been having that same ‘aisle’ fear despite my married girlfriends telling me that I should enjoy/embrace the whole thing. Being the centre of attention and having everyone look at you scares the living daylights out of me. However after reading this, I now am slightly comforted that there are other brides out there who are feeling the same. Also your comment on ‘serene, not surreal’ actually made me laugh out loud (on a very quiet train)…!xx

  16. I love Fleetwood Mac…

    Aisle song is chosen, to be honest, I knew for a long time what it was going to be(I always said I’d walk to Michael listening to Michael! – i’m a big MJ fan) But it was very difficult to find the right song, so I didnt end up dancing/moonwalking down the aisle!! (oh ok so its I’ll be there but on acostic guitar…) I’ll be honest, I am a bit nervous, despite loving a bit of spotlight, I am not a serene, graceful type so will probably fall over or something!

    But like Peridot, the photos scare me the most, I know I am going to look at them and be a teensy bit disappointed that I have a wonky smile… oh well, its not the most important thing and I’ve just got to enjoy the day!

    Hope you start to feel ok about the aisle! It will be over before you know it, and you’ll be standing there with Big C and the walk will have been worth it!!

  17. @Pamela just had a thought, might dressing up in your floral cigarette pants and 6″ heels, going to the church with your iPod and practicing your aisle walk help?

  18. I had it all planned. Instrumental version of my Dad’s favourite Stevie Wonder song. Just enough room for my dress and his ten and two feet. Holding hands because that would be more natural. Making peace with the fact I’d cry my make up off.

    Forgot to tell Dad to take it slowly. We were in the Usain Bolt camp I’m afraid. Oh well!

  19. Pamela, that Fleetwood Mac song was the first dance at my friend’s wedding last year – and I was devastated because I wanted it too, and now it would look like copying, so I say go for it because the Mac are so ruddy good. My ‘aisle’ SLOPES DOWN AND HAS A STEP IN IT – serious falling over fear has set in and it’s not until next year…

  20. I was worried I was going to cry going up the aisle but I managed not to by deliberately not catching anyones eye – including my husbands! This might sound funny but I focused on the crucifix over the altar.
    If you are really nervous about walking up the aisle try going into church when it’s quite for a little practice. And don’t forget that you will have your Dad’s arm to grip onto. It must be awful for brides that don’t have their dad with them, I think it’s one of those moments when you need someone you can totally rely on to help you out.
    Also I walked up to ‘Here Comes The Bride’ traditional and maybe slightly cheesy but when else are you going to get to do it!

  21. Hi Pamela, great to see you in a fully-fledged blog post. The comment section just isn’t big enough for your stories!

    I actually WISH I’d been sensible enough to have a pre-wedding meltdown about walking down the aisle. To be honest, it wasn’t a part of the day I’d given that much thought to, other than to tell my dad to make sure I didn’t walk too fast. On the morning of the wedding I fancied myself as an oasis of calm, despite the fact that my uncle had arrived minus his white shirt (it was a Sunday morning people. And he is a size XXXL). Then my florist informed me that I had only ordered 10 centrepieces. For my 11 tables. Oops. Still not too worried though (she went away to make me another one and came back with it later, the saintly woman).

    So, I arrived at the venue, dad in tow, rounded up the small flowergirls (easier said than done) and away we went. Cue excessive knee shaking and shortness of breath. In short, I FREAKED OUT. The only bonus was, there was very little I could do about it as EVERYONE WAS STARING AT ME. My husband says he couldn’t believe how much I was shaking and he just grabbed my hand and squeezed it to try and help me to stop! Anyway, as a result I actually don’t remember much about the first part of our ceremony at all. But I didn’t make a complete eejit of myself. I don’t think…

    I realise that this is probably no comfort at all to you, Pamela, or anyone else suffering from the (perfectly sensible) aisle wobble. However, rest assured that the period of time you spend on what will forever be known in our house as the ‘walk of fear’ goes by in a flash. And once it’s over, you’ll be so relieved that everything else will seem like a breeze! (once you have recovered enough to actually pay attention to what’s happening)

    Funnily enough, looking back I can’t understand what on earth I was worried about – all you’re doing is walking a few yards towards the man you love in front of a room full of people who’ve all seen you walk before.

    Anyway, sorry for the epic post and good luck to those of you who still have to do the walk of fear – you’ll all be fine, I know it! xx

  22. Hello,

    I enjoyed reading your article. I have to hold two weddings, a civil and a religious. Everything is double. As happy as I am about two dresses, two pairs of shoes, two parties, etc.. I share with you the fear of walk down the aisle, but not because all attention will be on me, or because I might stumble etc.. … no, I’m terribly afraid that my fiancé does not like my outfit: (

    It’s horrible, but I think we love each other, and as we are happy together, nothing can be worse (whatever that does not reassure me much).

    Anyway, the music of the downhill of the aisle, we have not really decided what it will be, but we asked a DJ friend, to adapt our favorite music for the ceremony.

    As soon as I have all the examples, I may post them on youtube or onmy blog.

    Sorry for my broken English :/

    And courage, I’m sure everything will be beautiful 🙂

  23. I am so pleased im not the only one worried about THE aisle walk – if one more “helpful” person tells me “…but it’s your day, of course they will look at you!” ill scream. Ive already cried (4 cherry brandy and coke was all it took) stamped my feet and sat in a broody silence all the way home from the in-laws….. but when i suggested no cameras and everyone has to look forward in the church – i was being serious! Not a diva, but an insecure bride to be to be who despite the big smile i have major body/face/height/walking hangups! These ethereal fairies that float down the aisle, don’t slip and look fab surely aren’t real? Maybe i should take my usual facebook photo strategy – the comedy face – and ill adapt it to a comedy walk? I could lunge down the aisle?
    hmmmmm x

  24. Glad i’m not the only one scared of walking down tje aisle. Im really clumsy (like trip over air clumsy) add new heels, champagne for breakfast and nerves i am bound to make a fool of myself! Im sure we will all be fine on the day its just one of those niggles that every bride has! Alex xxx

  25. Glad i’m not the only one scared of walking down the aisle. Im really clumsy (like trip over air clumsy) add new heels, champagne for breakfast and nerves i am bound to make a fool of myself! Im sure we will all be fine on the day its just one of those niggles that every bride has! Alex xxx

  26. I have to walk down a Cathedral aisle – I think I shall just focus on Mr H (he is 6ft 7 so I will see him above everyone else!) Oh, and I will try not to cry…..

    @Peridot – I went to a plus size bridal shop and it was wonderful. The dresses are designed specially to flaunt/hide curves as desired and most of them were too big for me, which made me feel even better!

  27. Ah I can seriously relate!! I am no shrinking violet either, but I’ll be in a long white dress, praying I don’t trip with all of those people staring at me…. ahhh freak out!!

    One thought on the wording of the songs, I have gone for an instrumemental of my song as the words are a little gushy! I think it says I like this song, more than “I think I’m like the sun” and I reckon that will make it easier to walk to? xx

  28. Totally meant to be working right now – the system is crashing and building is on fire, but that post was just too funny to stop reading!! Love it.
    I hadn’t actually thought of walking down the aisle – mainly because I’ll be gently towed down it by my Dad who is determined to get one of his mannnny daughters married off, plus I have awesome shoes that I can walk in (even after the required, and possibly medicinal, few glasses of bubbly earlier).
    My fear is none of the guests showing up, nobody telling me their bad intentions and me having to fork out for their dinners anyway!!!
    Just goes to show the weddings can all have the same format, but feel very different to each person!
    Anyway off to escape the blaze =)

  29. @Ruthie_Ruth I also get a ‘flush’! Mine is just on my cheeks but not in the ‘oh, this isn’t blusher, I just have naturally rosy cheeks’ way- it’s just above the apples of my cheeks practically on the bags underneath my eyes… Not. Attractive.

    When I’m slightly warm or embarressed they flare up and I look like a clown…

    I’m thinking super coverage foundation? x

  30. Loved this post Pamela, I too am terrified of walking down the aisle and it does feel like you will be judged, as another girl commented! You have inspired me with your ‘show me love’ gym routine though haha I really need to get down there! I also have the lazy eye and I was hoping some bubbles would get me over the aisle fear but my left eye always go lazy when tired/drunk!! Not a good look hehe x

  31. @Anna – that has just made me laugh out loud in the office. The Big C HATES the floral cigarette pants and he always vets my outfits before we go to church. The cigarette pants would not make it onto the ‘Sensible Sundays’ dressing list I tell you!

    @Emily – oh crikey, a slope?! We stood on the stage at our reception venue on Saturday that we are turning into a dancefloor and that slopes as well…I have visions of the Big C’s friends all ending up in a crumpled heap. My friends will of course be the picture of sobriety.

    @Sofia – thank you for your post. Why do you not like your outfit though lovely? I am sure it looks beautiful and you are just having a wobble?

    @Fiona – I’ll give you 50 quid, a can of Diet Coke and half a packet of Chewits if you lunge down the aisle…

    @Mimi – Lordy, your Mr H is bigger than the Big C!

    @Cathy – did you get out alive?!

  32. OMG this is so me today, and totally apt as we went for our final details appt last night and I totally freaked out when it came to going down the aisle and then standing at the top of the room and looking at the huge room and all the empty chairs that would then be faces!! feel genuinely sick at the thought… and am totally convinced I will fall a$$ over t*t and stumble down the aisle… although feel reassured I am not the only one… xx

  33. Hi Pamela

    Hats off to you for writing this post! Despite being no wall flower in my job or personal life, I was truly terrified at the prospect of walking down the aisle and generally “being a bride” – having everyone looking at just me for a whole day. That said, I couldn’t find much written in magazines or blogs on the topic of aisle gitters!

    On the big day (2 weeks ago now……phew!) I was pretty panicked in the morning (bridezilla moment…luckily my friends were prepared and armed with champagne and brandy!) and, to make matters worse, my Dad had injured his knee 2 days before so was limping (no chance of a brisk walk then!).

    However, as I arrived at church a sense calm seemed to come over me and, to my complete surprise, I actually enjoyed it! As it turned out, I think that, certainly for me anyway, the thought of it was much worse than the reality – you’ll love it and enjoy your moment – after all it’s a one time gig! Xxx

  34. It’s posts like this that make me realise that the hours of time I spend reading on here when I am supposed to be working are completely worth it.

    I am 100% with you on the scary aisle fear. I am terrified about this for so many reasons.

    I am extremely clumsy and hardly ever wear heels so the possibility of a stumble or a trip, loosing a shoe or a full blown fall isn’t so unlikely. Also, my dad is just as bad – he fell over last week, and when I asked why, apparently the wheelbarrow pushed him over!! So, as you can see, not a great pair.

    But above all, it is the fear of crying that does me. I have a pretty big (and emotional) family and every time I think about walking down the aisle I see a domino effect of crying faces, all beginning with me. We are all terrible, once one starts everyone else follows. However, my fella is made of steel on the emotions front so I am hoping he will keep me together, I think im just going to concentrate on him.

    It’s so nice to know that so many other people have ‘the fear’. I think its just one of those things that you just have to get through and then enjoy everything that follows on the day. x

  35. Yay for a full sized Pamela post 🙂 very honest and funny post, but this isn’t something I’ve had to think about as we’re not going down the church route so no aisle to confront! Good luck on the day and you HAVE to submit your wedding!
    PS. Was that a very sly S&TC reference with “the Raquel Welch wig line”?? LOVE it x

  36. I was the grinning buffoon who raced down the aisle like Usain Bolt. The girl no-one wants to be. And it was brilliant 😀

  37. Anna G- I can top the dad with the injured knee. I hadn’t seen mine in 5 months before our day and the first time I saw him was outside our ceremony room where he revealed he’s had his front teeth removed and worse still hadn’t brought his false ones. Not only that but he’d put about three stone on and there was a very good chance that him and my princessy tulle number were not going to fit down the aisle!
    But it all turned out ok. Yes it was a bit of a squash and yes I had to insist father dear refrained from smiling but it was over at lightning speed and before I knew it I was holding hands with my lovely h2b.
    Pamela-There’s a good chance you will feel very in the spotlight but you will get used to it as the day wears on and you’ll miss it when it’s over!

  38. @Ellie – totally with you on the crying front! I am not a crier but then I have never been in this situation before and my lot are exactly like yours…if one of us laughs, we all do. If one of us cries, we all do. The Big C has very firm ideas after we went to a wedding where the groom cried (I thought it was sweet); “For gods sake, no tears. You’ve spent enough on make up, keep it on your face.”

    @Annie – it was a SATC reference! The Big C loves a bit of Sex and the City! He even has favourite episodes!

  39. @Becca I’m glad it’s not just me! Mine also responds to alcohol (massive brewers blush), spicy food, embarassment and warmth. Joy!
    I read somewhere that taking an antihistamine tablet can help with it so I might give that a go – will just have to make sure it’s the anti-drowsy ones, don’t want to be nodding off during the speeches! Failing that – definitely with you on the super cover up foundation! x

  40. It’s so good to know that other ladies are having the same fear about the aisle walk! Like Ellie, my fear is that the occasion overwhelms me completely and I start crying – not a ladylike sniffle, that would be ok, but a full-on ugly face cry – a bit like gurning in fact. Fingers crossed I’ll be serene and graceful…better stock up on the Kalms anyway! x

  41. Oh no, i’m considering Here comes the Sun and one of my friends also said it will seem like i’m the sun if we play that, ha ha!! Considering we’re getting married outside i think we need a backup song anyway!! It’s so hard to find a song that we both love and other people won’t judge!! Plus M&S have spoiled it a little!!

    The aisle for me is ‘the moment’ and yes i’m nervous but it’s also the part i’m really looking forward to. It’s a moment in time which you’ll never get again so deep breath, smile and soak up the fact you’re marrying the love of your life 🙂 Yay!

  42. So brilliant!

    I felt the same just being a bridesmaid when everyone looked round at my sister i panicked and started stepping backwards instead of forwards. From that moment I knew I couldn’t do it as a bride so opted for the intimate wedding instead so only 4 people will turn round to look! (Chicken I know)

  43. Hi Pamela – this is a really great post and I can really identify with your fear…

    I haven’t thought about it that much yet but I know I’ll be a bag of nerves about walking down the aisle with everyone looking at me.

    I also worry A LOT about the photos. We’ve invested in our photography because we want to remember the day but I actually hate how I look in photos and am so so worried that I’ll ruin them or just not like any of them. I’m camera shy too – think Chandler in Friends with his inability to smile well.

    I’ve also had about 2-3 dreams about the wedding going completely wrong, like no guests turn up, the photographer being missing, having no one to do my hair…you get the idea! And I still have a year to go so goodness knows what I’ll be like nearer the time!

    I like the suggestion of sending your maids down first a la the Americans – I think I’m going to do that unless I end up with a dress with a long train and need them back there!

    With your song choices, you could try looking on Spotify to see if Vitamin Strong Quartet have done a version of one of the songs you like? That way if the lyrics aren’t quite suitable you can still use the music. They’ve done some really varied covers, including mainstream stuff like Coldplay to more obscure stuff too – well worth a look 🙂

    (Sorry for long comment!)

  44. OMG Pam you do make me chortle! I hadn’t actually got scared about walking down the aisle – my fear is more about getting throat lumpy/voice wobbly/outright blubby during the vows. My plan for the aisle-walking is not too high heels (I’m so lanky that I’m not allowed anything higher than 3″ for the wedding day or my frock will be too short) and to go down the aisle behind my 4 best girlies to Je t’Aime by Serge Gainsbourg. This will amuse me greatly and hopefully keep the tears at bay (02.02.13, I’ll let you know how it works out!)
    We’re having Electric Feel by MGMT as our first dance, and they’ve done a really nice acoustic version which is on YouTube if that helps you?x

  45. This post is brilliant! I have exactly the same fear and I’m really dreading being the centre of attention. Even dreading my hen party…it’s not that I’m shy I just don’t want it to be all “me, me, me!”. And to make it worse the future Mr B is literally FORCING me to make a speech. *cringe*.

    I also thought that a good song would help with the ailse bit (as well as sending the super cute flower girls and page boys down first) and thought here comes the sun would be lovely. Needless to say Mr B’s reaction was very similar to the one you received and I’m back to the drawing board. Let me know if you get any more insparation!

    I think the best way to cope is to face your fear and do it anyway (anyone read that book?!)…it is never as bad as you think it will be.


  46. @Helene – this post was borne out of the fact that I was talking to Charlotte about how I found ‘leg one’ of my hen do a pretty wearing experience…lots of people had gone to a lot of effort for which I am eternally grateful – it is very, very, very nice to know that many people heart you – but I was also very overwhelmed by all the attention and the pressure of, ‘this has to be the most fun night ever’….

    Leg Two – of which I cannot speak will be much, much, much MORE me…it involves just me and my bezzie and I cannot wait!

    Hopefully, once it has happened, and I CAN speak about it Charlotte will let me write all about my escapades!


  47. @Kitty – thank you for your suggestion lovely. We have since writing this post finally agreed a consensus and I am very happy with it! It’s very, very, very me but also has the ‘ceremonial’ element the Big C wants!

  48. As ever RMW has come up with a timely post! Thank you Pamela.

    @Ruthie_Ruth_ I can 100% sympathise with the rash thing, I get it too (alcohol, nerves, excitement being the main culprits!) and have been so worried about being a blotchy red thing in white walking down the aisle, so this very morning (co-incidently) I popped to the GP to explain my worries, and he has given me Beta Blockers (often used for this sort of thing apparently) to take before ‘scary’ events (think important team meetings, big social events, WEDDINGS etc) and says they should do the trick and stop the dreaded flush….I cannot wait to see if they work! Antihistamine didn’t do the trick for me but I’ve read it does for others. I’ve also heard Dermablend foundation is good 🙂

    With regards to aisle fear, I just hope my legs hold out, I don’t snivel the whole way to my h2b and manage to get my vows out without falling to bits! Only 4 months to go to find out!

    Good luck ladies, you’ll all be fine I’m sure 🙂 xxxx

  49. @Pamela – I agree with the whole hen do thing ‘must be the best night ever’! Which is why I’m not having a hen do per se and instead having a girly weekend abroad with 5 of my closest girls! Plus then avoiding the politics of who’s been invited/who hasn’t to the hen do (not sure if others have been faced with this)! Sorry slightly off point, but a point worth making 🙂 x

  50. This is very timely that this post came up today! I was rewatching that T mobile viral advert of the royal wedding where they all dance down the aisle to ‘house of love’ (I don’t know why I was watching it, I just like it) and it got me thinking about the dreaded walk down the aisle (was also wondering about the look on our families faces if we did something like that….pure and utter shock is the answer)!

    My worry is that I love the walk down the aisle pics on other people’s wedding so much and you only get one chance and I don’t want to look a nervous wreck or a crying idiot in my pics, which is blatently going to happen! I think my Dad’s arm is going to fall off I will be squeezing so hard 🙂 Is there some way I could fashion a blinker system with my veil so the only thing I can see is Chris at the end of the aisle…..no….maybe not a good look! Xxx

  51. Pamela – Just been on my hen weekend this weekend and felt EXACTLY the same! Had lots of tears for all the lovely efforts that had been made for me! And spent the journey up there worrying – but had the most amazing time and now all of those ladies will be there supporting me on my big day – the thought of which helps me alot! 🙂

  52. @Emma – I ended up weeing on my £350 dress from Harvey Knickers at the very start of my hen do. I was in such a state (because of a string of incidents in the run up to arriving at the theatre) that by the time I got there I was a nervous wreck. I missed half of the first half of the show because I had escaped to the toilet but was shaking so much that I could not gather up all my skirtage and therefore wee’d on my dress.

    My best friend had come into the toilet to check I was OK and noticed she had a small stain on her top. She wet a blue paper towel that then transferred blue dye all over the area she had rubbed. She looked like she had a leaking nipple!

    Sitting on the floor in the Manchester Palace Theatre toilet, with my best friend, laughing our heads off at a designer frock with wee on and a leaking nipple was the highlight of my night!

  53. Very late to this party of a post- stupid work!!

    Please can we have more Pamela posts like this??? Another guest star turned superstar I think!

    We had the Fleetwood Mac song as our first dance- it was heaven, although it made me weep- we’d listened to it so many times together and it was the culmination of all the work we’d put in.

    Re the aisle, I think that classical is the way to go to assuage your fears. I was nervous about this (would I trip over my dress, would being taller than my dad be a problem, had my hair been ruined by the rain) but the moment I heard the church organ swell I felt full of confidence- the traditional notes just made me think of all the women who’d made that walk before me, and of how happy I was that soon I would be walking out again married to Mr B. Are there any traditional entry of the bride tunes (I went for arrival of the queen of sheba) that buoy you up? Or even make you laugh? Here comes the bride always makes me laugh and relax from the playground memories of playing weddings!! I love MGMT and think that’s such a brilliant song to walk in to though- the way it swells and grows at the start is just magic.

    On our day, it’s my dad who looks very nervous in the photos, but you can see on my face that all I want is to get down to the altar- all the faces just blurred together and all I could see was Mr B’s face grinning at me like a beacon! You’ll see the Big C and just want to get to him- who cares if you rush or are slow, trip or wibble, weep or grin- as long as you get there!


  54. PS- your hen night episode has nearly made me cry too but in a very different way….. best moment from mine was my gay best friend getting his nipple pierced on a drunken whim… it’s always the weird bits that are the most fun… xxx

  55. @Lucy S – Don’t talk to me about my lunch. I have a tin of Weight Watchers spaghetti to get through – ten weeks until dress fitting! x

  56. Pamela you little star – great post.

    All I am going to say is…. about your entry song – how about the Katy Perry version of Electric feel? It’s quite acousticy so maybe people won’t assume you have hit the class A’s on your big day?

    Adam x

  57. @Adam – thank you Mr! I had found the Katy Perry version of Electric Feel but the Big C moaned that she cannot sing…

    …However, what we have found is something very similar, and very cool (in my slightly weird opinion) and I really want to tell…but I haven’t even told my mum…

    And, THANK YOU for my picture…I think it is fab and am going to get it framed! You are a clever thing aren’t you! Next time, please can you photoshop me a smaller bum?!


  58. Pamela, I was sooooooo worried about this bit too before my wedding last year. Who wants to turn up a party and have everyone stare at you?

    I got my boy to promise he would look at me so i could focus on him as I walked down the aisle. We also picked Snow Patrol’s chasing cars which helped as it was a special song.

    On the day itself all my fears were unfounded, as soon as the song started playing rather than wait for the carefully selected moment in the song, I was pretty much pushing my bridesmaids to walk in, as I couldn’t wait to see my husband to be any longer. Then had a real s**t there’s some steps i have to not fall down – we were supposed to be getting married outside – no steps – but Great British weather intervened and we got married inside.
    Before I knew it, i had successfuly done the three steps and pretty much dragged my Dad down the aisle as I was so dammed excited.
    In the run up to the big day you will feel nervous about this, but I promsie, by the day itself, you will just want to get down that aisle (guests looking or no guests) and get married and nothing else will matter.

  59. @Becky! Oooh beta blockers are good to know – I shall take a trip to the quacks and have a word! Thanks 🙂 xx

  60. My big w-day fear is saying the vows. I’m one of these people that when i get nervous no words or the wrong words come out (coupled with going bright red!). So the idea of saying my vows in front of all those people is v nerve wracking.
    My song for walking down the isle though is Mylo, In My Arms. It has been our song since it came out and whenever i hear it i get all calm and mushy towards my H2B so i am hoping that will calm me down enough to ignore the sea of eyes.
    Pamela – I would definitely say pick a song that takes you to happy times or a happy place, it will definitely help with the nerves (or at least i’m hoping it will!) xx

  61. @Pamela – yes, a SLOPE. It’s a council chamber with wooden seating all round in a horseshoe, which is tiered, so the entry way slopes down with TWO steps in it. I did NOT think that through!
    @LucyS – ooh, another Mac fan! We have picked a different song by them for me to come in to, plus currently have three more in the party playlist – despite a general no more than one song by any one artist rule…

  62. Wow, I’m totally panicked after reading this! When I first read it, I was like nope, doesn’t worry me, I wear 6 inch heels all the time, how hard can walking down an aisle clinging to my dad’s arm be!

    Then I remembered – the crying. Oh god, the crying. I haven’t been to one wedding where I haven’t sobbed my way through the bride’s entrance, entire ceremony, the whole way through the speeches, the first dance – I don’t have a hope in hell! And totally identify with the emotional families thing – mine are all as bad as me, including my dad! Am genuinely quite worried that I’m not going to be able to hold it together, but I don’t even have the reassurance of a stiff upper lip, keep it together dad to help me down!

    Does anyone have any tips to prevent this? The refusing to make eye contact with anyone thing sounds good. Or should I just embrace it and accept that it’s going to happen, and make sure my bridesmaids are on hand to touch up the make up after and invest in industrial strength mascara?

    Great post though – obviously something a lot of people identify with!

  63. Well HELLO ladies!!!!

    Yes it’s me I’m back and Married!!! Check out the change of name and cheeky sneak-peak photo! And am SOOO excited that my first comment as a married lady is for your first RMW post Pamela!

    I had already declared in previous comment that I had a girl crush on you!

    So advice from a newlywed – it really AIN’T a big deal walking down the aisle! It goes crazy quick and your WAY TOO busy thinking about what’s happening next to really take it in! I’ve found it’s only really in your head that these little issues are actually issues and then on the big day you actually forget to worry about it! Crazy, hard to believe BUT actually VERY TRUE!


  64. @ Sofia – talk to your Mr about your outfit fear. His answer will most likely be ‘You look gorgeous in everything, I don’t care what you wear.’ Whatever he says should help to remind you why you’re marrying him! If you have already talked to him, and he’s told you he doesn’t like it, then do you? And it will grow on him – honest.
    @Pamela – will you share the compromise when you can? I’m dying to know now! Also, if it’s your local church, on a quiet afternoon, who cares about the cigarette pants? Go practice. You could sneak them out of the house if the Big C is that fussy!
    My fiance and I still have so much to talk about so I have little to share about our wedding plans – I love hearing every one else’s though!

  65. Great post, Pamela! Although…… I am big picture sort of girl (an N for those who like their personality types) and the walk down the aisle hadn’t crossed my mind at all. Until I read this and now I have the FEAR!!!! My ankle always caves in a little bit when I wear heels of more than 1 inch and as I am 5 ” 2 with a knee length wedding dress flats are not an option. Eek!! Ian Brown for the walk of doom, anyone?!

    @Lola- I hear you on M&S ruining Here Comes the Sun. Was going to get our choir to learn it for when we are signing the register but now not so sure…

    PS You should deffo post pictures of your strut down the aisle in the floral cigarette pants! Love how boys have a view on church attire – mine always insists on a shave?!

  66. Pamela you crack me up something chronic.

    And for all those aisle fearers out there seriously, it doesn’t matter – take it from me, I TRIED to sprint, got pulled back by Daddio who then proceeded to trample on my veil the entire way up the ruddy thing and got well and truly tangled up in the tulle at the end…much to my guests amusement.

    But that’s it – it was memorable!

    Charlotte xxx

  67. @Amanda – Congratulations!!! Can’t wait to read your report! x

    P.s loving the finger-tache…I have purchased some for my hen do, have a feeling they will dominate every photo!

  68. @Kitty – I do indeed, it is, wait for it … legendary (haha sorry it had to be done!) I’ll have a butchers when I get home, not sure my colleagues would be too impressed!

  69. How refreshing to read your funny and frank
    blog about your fear. Whilst mine does not involve the aisle, I feel foolish about my recurrent nightmare of a singer in a deserted room whilst everyone stands at the bar. I imagine myself dancing in a frenzy of duchess satin just to make the dance floor look half full & stop the rat-pack singer looking bad.
    Am seriously waking up in a cold sweat over it…. 4 1/2 weeks to go.

  70. @Jane – your dancefloor will be packed, lovely. Of this I am sure. But I do think swirling duchess satin in a frenzy would be amazing anyway!


  71. OMG – yes, this is my ONE FEAR about the day too! I find myself thinking about it when stood waiting at the traffic lights and almost imagining the road ahead of me as THE aisle! The whole thing freaks me out, the idea of everyone in that church just wanting to look at me and actually turning to look at me….eeeeeks!!! It’s not even the thought of falling over or anything, it’s just the whole walk….! Danielle xxx
    p.s. my aisle is approximately 4 metres long (if that) – I cannot even imagine what I would be like if it were any longer!

  72. Oh thank god I’m not the only one with aisle fear!!

    @Pamela – this is the song I’m thinking of walking down the aisle too (best girls first hahaha!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLTbFaoZuVQ

    If you listen to some of the lyrics, its not the happiest song in the world but every time I hear it, it makes me smile. Plus its from “Something Borrowed” which is one of my current fave films


  73. It was so refreshing to read this post and made me feel a little less like I am missing the wedding gene. I don’t have a significant male to walk me down the aisle (loads of people volunteering to help but I don’t want to borrow a mate’s bf for this part!)…so we’re walking down together and having a private ceremony before a big reception. We’ve had a bit of hassle for this (understandably I guess) but at the end of the day this is our wedding and we’re doing it our way. Pamela thanks for sharing!

  74. In the end I loved every second of the aisle!! I got all my crying done the night before on the rehearsal so on the day I couldn’t do anything but have a big cheesy grin and take in the vision of all the guests and my handsome man waiting for me at the end. Nothing beats it!!!

  75. Very late to this, but had to comment anyway — what a fab post and brilliant comments!

    @Ruthie_Ruth – I too get ‘the flush’, and hives if I’m really nervous! So think I’ll have to take the @Becky beta blockers route as well – thanks for the tip 🙂

    I am fairly clumsy so am pretty likely to fall at some point, but more than falling, more than flushing, I am sick scared about blubbing like quite a few of you ladies!

    I blubbed uncontrollably before poor H2B had even got the full proposal out – not dainty tears but snorty, loud full-on wailing (think the waiter who brought us champagne was worried – he came out and said very reticently, ‘I understand we have something to… … celebrate …?’) and I cry Every.Single.Time I think of the walk down the aisle. Or see a lovely pic or video of someone else doing it. I’m hoping that since we’ve got 11 months to go, if I keep thinking about it, I’ll become desensitised or something!


  76. And @Lu, I applaud your choice — you’ve got to do what’s right! I don’t really have much of a relationship with my dad no other man seemed right to give me away, so I’ve asked my mum! 🙂

    1. @Hayley – snap! Me too! Go the girls!

      Of course, mine tells me that I will be having to hold HER up in her heels – as we’re both usually in flats, it doesn’t bode well for both of us to make it all the way up without mishaps. I need to explain to her that it’s MY day and if anyone is going to have to go splat, she’s going to have to take one for the team!

  77. @Peridot – excellent!! I can’t wait. Mine is more of a ‘dad’ as she is not very girly anyway, so I think she’ll be brilliant. I think you’re right about taking one for the team lol 🙂 but fingers crossed you both stay steady! Thankfully, my ma doesn’t do heels so hopefully she’ll be able to keep me upright…

  78. @Hayley and @Ruthie_Ruth – no problem, hope it helps. Hopefully we’ll all be flush free and full of bridal confidence come the big day 🙂 xx

  79. Hey Pam! Loving that picture- you should defo frame it 😉

    Aisle nerves, in order of the amount they make me want to barf:

    1) Slipping or tripping – a serious possibility.
    2) Crying so much I end up with snot all over my face/veil.
    3) Having 140 pairs of eyes on ME!

    I was also thinking earlier about how to react when people tell you you look lovely/beautiful etc. Obviously, I hope I do look good, but in all my 29 years, I’ve never been good at taking a compliment. Ah, well, only 44 days until I find out 🙂

  80. Hi Pam – awesome, awesome post and one that I honestly thought I was alone on. Every other bit of W-Day excites me to the max, but that bit, where everyone turns around to look at you and watch your every step as you walk past them…yeah, it kinda scares me THE most. I’m not one for being the centre of attention at all, but prepared to put that aside for one day where I get hitched to the love of my *life* and par-day with our crazy friends and family.

    Thanks for sharing and all the best with le plans and preparations! 🙂 x

  81. Had such a laugh reading these – I get married next Saturday NEXT SATURDAY – I too am sooooooo nervous about walking down the aisle – what’s worse…..I get nervous wind…..I will be stood there, everyone will be nice and quiet, and my tummy will make some primal growl and all my friends will laugh as they know my problem well – i’m sorry, that’s not lady like – but I just had to share it. So whilst you lovely things are vomiting outside your respective churches I will be parping =( x

  82. I just linked to this post from Pamela’s new post about facebook photos and didn’t understand how I’d missed it until I saw the date was 3 days after my wedding and I was on RMW cold turkey because I thought post wedding I should be able to do without my daily fix. Then I noticed that a Fiona had commented and thought maybe in my post wedding daze I had commented without realising it. BUT NO. There are two Fionas. How confusing.


  83. oops pressed return.

    ANyway my point was… I think the music is key. I was terrified about the aisle, made it as small as possible in my venue so i had a short walk and then picked music that I loved and would feel like me and him and not too grand. Not for me the wedding march or any of that.

    I walked down the aisle to ‘Creep’ by Radiohead. We compromised a bit by having a string quartet version (Vitamin String quartet – they do string quartet versions of all sorts, our second choice was here comes your man by the pixies). So those who knew the song recognised it, those who didn’t just assumed it was a nice violin piece, and I got to grin like a loon because I was walking towards my future husband to a song I absolutely love.

    Another top tip, send a gorgeous flower girl down the aisle first so that everyone is coo-ing over her and you will feel less under pressure. We just got our wedding vid back and the celebrant comments ‘what a beautiful young lady’ and I was tickled pink, until my man says ‘yes that’s my niece’… AH.

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